But right now I'll just sit here so contentedly and watch the river flow
Tuesday Morning
The riverside
I spend Tuesday morning just sitting on the riverbank, watching light on water; not thinking too much, or trying not to. Syl, Iblis, Iblis, Syl: let it all wash away, for the moment.
After Syl left, yesterday afternoon, I felt the world for a moment come apart in fire. Stink of searing flesh, heavy pall of forest fires, and Anushka screaming. Felt like it shook me apart, mind peeling open and all the little bits of herself she left in me flaring up and curling up into unbeing. And it goes on and on, and then abruptly I'm staring at the sky and listening to the silence where the horror was. The ringing silence where Anushka was.
It leaves me disturbed and restless, wondering if she's gone, until it comes again at night and shakes me awake. Don't go back to sleep for a long time after that, until I climb out of the confines of the truck and lay down by the riverside and let the sound of water soothe me. The water, and the voice that tastes of blood and whispers Tezcatlipoca.
But now, now nothing, just quiet. Long stretch of land, and, there, the tower. Afternoon light, voice of the river, and I tell myself it's peaceful instead of lonely.
[Open to Genny] [CLOSED]
The riverside
I spend Tuesday morning just sitting on the riverbank, watching light on water; not thinking too much, or trying not to. Syl, Iblis, Iblis, Syl: let it all wash away, for the moment.
After Syl left, yesterday afternoon, I felt the world for a moment come apart in fire. Stink of searing flesh, heavy pall of forest fires, and Anushka screaming. Felt like it shook me apart, mind peeling open and all the little bits of herself she left in me flaring up and curling up into unbeing. And it goes on and on, and then abruptly I'm staring at the sky and listening to the silence where the horror was. The ringing silence where Anushka was.
It leaves me disturbed and restless, wondering if she's gone, until it comes again at night and shakes me awake. Don't go back to sleep for a long time after that, until I climb out of the confines of the truck and lay down by the riverside and let the sound of water soothe me. The water, and the voice that tastes of blood and whispers Tezcatlipoca.
But now, now nothing, just quiet. Long stretch of land, and, there, the tower. Afternoon light, voice of the river, and I tell myself it's peaceful instead of lonely.
[Open to Genny] [CLOSED]