The Tower Waits.
Late afternoon, Tuesday 7 July
Hope
The rain's beginnin' to ease off now - not a torrent no more, just a patter, like. But I ain't really thinking about the rain. I stares down at the tarot deck. I've reshuffled it and put it back in its pack, but I keeps seein' what I saw before. Shouldn't ever have looked. Can still feel that one card starin' up at me through the pack. Sounds stupid. Ain't stupid, though. No, I don't figure it so at all.
Faith convinced me to try it, o'course. Me, I'd listened to her chitchat last night pretty quiet, like. Don't know Tez as well, an' I find him hard to fathom. Faith, she don't care about fathoming, she just likes to jaw. So's I stayed quiet, and as the conversation went on I felt less and less inclined-like to speak. The whispers I half-heard set my teeth on edge. Faith, she was mostly pissed off that the blokes had decided the girls ain't allowed to hear the story an' had headed to the pub. Boys is like that, I says to her. Ain't mean nothing by it. But she was determined she wanted to know what was what.
Today dawned pretty strange. Air all thick an' choking, an' after a while it turned a sickly green. Well, no good'll come of that, and the carnies started pullin' down the canvas and bolting things up. Jimmy rushed by, told us to get in the caravan and bolt the windows shut. So's we did, an' not long after the rain started, an' a fearful wind. We've heard wind like that before, an' I've seen twisters, horrid fearful things, and I knows full well that if we got a big 'un we'd be stuffed. Ain't no way a caravan can withstand that. So we sits in the dim caravan, not even darin' to light a gas lamp lest it blow over an' burn us up, an' Faith says it.
Read his cards, luvvie. We needs to know what he's up to.
"You minds your own business, Faith," I say. "Tez ain't done nothin' bad to us, so keep yer nose out."
I ain't got a problem with Tez. I got a problem with what he's mixed up in, I reckon. Bad shit an' no mistakin'. Maybe he don't even know really what's goin' on. We can look.
"So we asks him to sit for a reading, no harm in that."
He won't agree, luvvie. But he's brought somethin' dangerous into our home, I reckon, an' that threatens the whole family. We needs to know what's goin' on or else we're fucked, an' not in a fun way.
"Alright," I says at last. I admit, I was curious. Didn't like to admit it, but there it was. An' maybe Faith was right. Maybe we do need to know what's what. Can't keep our heads in the sand about the queer nature of this place no more. "But nothin' too particular," I insist. "Jus' past, present, future. Three cards. I ain't pryin' into his affairs no more'n that. An' I don't even know if it'll work. Ain't read without a person to read from afore."
I didn't know if it'd work, like. Not havin' Tez to touch the cards. But I figured I'd give it a shot, sees what I could see. So I shuffled the deck, thinkin' all the while about Tez, his dark face, his limp, the way his hands move like birds in flight when he does his show. Makes smoke an' mirrors seem like real magic. Always suspected there was somethin' else in it.
I draws out the first card.
"Past," I said aloud, layin' it down. I s'pect I'll see The Magician. But it ain't. It's the Hierophant.
The Hierophant. Bridge between heaven 'n earth, seated between obedience an' disobedience, a thing that's between two extremes, providin' balance - but also associated with both an' all their faults an' virtues. Powerful card, an' I realised that the face on it has turned into Tez's - an' there's blood on his mouth.
Whatever Tez is, he ain't human. He's a lot more'n that.
I could feel my heart beating hard in my chest. How did Tez turn into the card? Usually the card's the gateway to the vision. But it's like he got inside it. Don't make no sense. I turned over the second card.
"Present," I said.
It's The Devil card. Though that ain't to be feared. Rubes, they's always gaspin' if they sees it, but the Devil card's more 'bout what you do to yourself. Self-bondage. Self-harm. I looks into the card an' I see -
Tez in an alleyway with a young man who's - Well, he's got Tez from behind, an' they're both rockin' together, and there's blood, a lot of blood, and the way the young man's smilin' makes me want to scream.
My breath came in little shallow gasps. Dunno what I saw there, but if Tez's datin' that bloke, he's in a world of hurt. His teeth were stained with blood.
The third card, and now I was shakin' so hard it was difficult to turn the card over.
The Tower.
"The future," I said, an' the image doesn't change on the card, but I hear this terrible sound, likes a laugh clotted with somethin' dark, somethin' like blood, an' then I sees that the other cards on the table are all The Tower too, an' in a panic I spread the rest of the deck out, Tower Tower Tower Tower, an' there's a low horrible moaning risin' in my throat an' the rain is beating hard an' I could still hear that laugh -
An' then it was quiet again, 'cept for the rain, an' the cards were back to normal. Couldn't stop tremblin', though, an' even Faith was scared.
"We ain't readin' for Tez again, not ever," I says at last, an' Faith don't have it in her to disagree. An' so we sit at the table, waiting for the storm to pass.
[closed]
Hope
The rain's beginnin' to ease off now - not a torrent no more, just a patter, like. But I ain't really thinking about the rain. I stares down at the tarot deck. I've reshuffled it and put it back in its pack, but I keeps seein' what I saw before. Shouldn't ever have looked. Can still feel that one card starin' up at me through the pack. Sounds stupid. Ain't stupid, though. No, I don't figure it so at all.
Faith convinced me to try it, o'course. Me, I'd listened to her chitchat last night pretty quiet, like. Don't know Tez as well, an' I find him hard to fathom. Faith, she don't care about fathoming, she just likes to jaw. So's I stayed quiet, and as the conversation went on I felt less and less inclined-like to speak. The whispers I half-heard set my teeth on edge. Faith, she was mostly pissed off that the blokes had decided the girls ain't allowed to hear the story an' had headed to the pub. Boys is like that, I says to her. Ain't mean nothing by it. But she was determined she wanted to know what was what.
Today dawned pretty strange. Air all thick an' choking, an' after a while it turned a sickly green. Well, no good'll come of that, and the carnies started pullin' down the canvas and bolting things up. Jimmy rushed by, told us to get in the caravan and bolt the windows shut. So's we did, an' not long after the rain started, an' a fearful wind. We've heard wind like that before, an' I've seen twisters, horrid fearful things, and I knows full well that if we got a big 'un we'd be stuffed. Ain't no way a caravan can withstand that. So we sits in the dim caravan, not even darin' to light a gas lamp lest it blow over an' burn us up, an' Faith says it.
Read his cards, luvvie. We needs to know what he's up to.
"You minds your own business, Faith," I say. "Tez ain't done nothin' bad to us, so keep yer nose out."
I ain't got a problem with Tez. I got a problem with what he's mixed up in, I reckon. Bad shit an' no mistakin'. Maybe he don't even know really what's goin' on. We can look.
"So we asks him to sit for a reading, no harm in that."
He won't agree, luvvie. But he's brought somethin' dangerous into our home, I reckon, an' that threatens the whole family. We needs to know what's goin' on or else we're fucked, an' not in a fun way.
"Alright," I says at last. I admit, I was curious. Didn't like to admit it, but there it was. An' maybe Faith was right. Maybe we do need to know what's what. Can't keep our heads in the sand about the queer nature of this place no more. "But nothin' too particular," I insist. "Jus' past, present, future. Three cards. I ain't pryin' into his affairs no more'n that. An' I don't even know if it'll work. Ain't read without a person to read from afore."
I didn't know if it'd work, like. Not havin' Tez to touch the cards. But I figured I'd give it a shot, sees what I could see. So I shuffled the deck, thinkin' all the while about Tez, his dark face, his limp, the way his hands move like birds in flight when he does his show. Makes smoke an' mirrors seem like real magic. Always suspected there was somethin' else in it.
I draws out the first card.
"Past," I said aloud, layin' it down. I s'pect I'll see The Magician. But it ain't. It's the Hierophant.
The Hierophant. Bridge between heaven 'n earth, seated between obedience an' disobedience, a thing that's between two extremes, providin' balance - but also associated with both an' all their faults an' virtues. Powerful card, an' I realised that the face on it has turned into Tez's - an' there's blood on his mouth.
Whatever Tez is, he ain't human. He's a lot more'n that.
I could feel my heart beating hard in my chest. How did Tez turn into the card? Usually the card's the gateway to the vision. But it's like he got inside it. Don't make no sense. I turned over the second card.
"Present," I said.
It's The Devil card. Though that ain't to be feared. Rubes, they's always gaspin' if they sees it, but the Devil card's more 'bout what you do to yourself. Self-bondage. Self-harm. I looks into the card an' I see -
Tez in an alleyway with a young man who's - Well, he's got Tez from behind, an' they're both rockin' together, and there's blood, a lot of blood, and the way the young man's smilin' makes me want to scream.
My breath came in little shallow gasps. Dunno what I saw there, but if Tez's datin' that bloke, he's in a world of hurt. His teeth were stained with blood.
The third card, and now I was shakin' so hard it was difficult to turn the card over.
The Tower.
"The future," I said, an' the image doesn't change on the card, but I hear this terrible sound, likes a laugh clotted with somethin' dark, somethin' like blood, an' then I sees that the other cards on the table are all The Tower too, an' in a panic I spread the rest of the deck out, Tower Tower Tower Tower, an' there's a low horrible moaning risin' in my throat an' the rain is beating hard an' I could still hear that laugh -
An' then it was quiet again, 'cept for the rain, an' the cards were back to normal. Couldn't stop tremblin', though, an' even Faith was scared.
"We ain't readin' for Tez again, not ever," I says at last, an' Faith don't have it in her to disagree. An' so we sit at the table, waiting for the storm to pass.
[closed]