That said, when I first came to the US I found saying no to things much more difficult because US citizens feel comfortable asking for more things than the English do.
Erm... one of my work colleagues is from Japan. We often talk about how in our cultures you're not supposed to ask people for things unless you really need it because we're raised to say yes if we possibly can. So, the onus is on the asker not to ask unless they really need something.
In the US, the onus is on the person asked to say "no" because it's pretty much all right to ask for anything whether it's urgent and/or necessary or not.
Oh, I wasn't aware the cultural differences were so profound. How interesting. I'm definitely not afraid to ask for what I want, but always with the caveat "It's okay to say no. Only if you really want to." I'm especially careful to say this in fandom, where I add, "Remember fandom is supposed to be fun, so if it wouldn't be fun for you, forget about it."
I've actually run into this problem with fandom auctions, can you believe it, where I've purchased stories in auction and then the people can't deliver -- they felt like they had to participate for charity and then couldn't come through. And I've had to give up countless stories because I can totally understand what they did to themselves. They said yes when they really should have said no.
Comments 12
That said, when I first came to the US I found saying no to things much more difficult because US citizens feel comfortable asking for more things than the English do.
Erm... one of my work colleagues is from Japan. We often talk about how in our cultures you're not supposed to ask people for things unless you really need it because we're raised to say yes if we possibly can. So, the onus is on the asker not to ask unless they really need something.
In the US, the onus is on the person asked to say "no" because it's pretty much all right to ask for anything whether it's urgent and/or necessary or not.
It took me a while to adjust.
Reply
I've actually run into this problem with fandom auctions, can you believe it, where I've purchased stories in auction and then the people can't deliver -- they felt like they had to participate for charity and then couldn't come through. And I've had to give up countless stories because I can totally understand what they did to themselves. They said yes when they really should have said no.
Reply
Leave a comment