Rambling commentary
To prevent my friends from killing me (I've really been trying their patience with all the CoE stuff the past few months), I did a running commentary of the last two Torchwood radio plays as I was listening to them. You know, instead of manically messaging them at midnight. I figured I might as well post it.
Golden Age by James Goss
I think the biggest obstacle here would have to be language barrier.
Oh but never fear, ingenious!Ianto is being ingenious.
“Not seen him for 80 years and starts shooting at him." "Old flame?" "Yup." WIN.
Ooooh Gwen so wants to punch this guy. I'm on her side. Girl power, and so on and so on.
Alien cutlery. Now that would be interesting.
Aaaah observant Ianto!
This duchess has clearly lost her bananas…completely off her nut.
Yes, assistant *shifty eyes*
Oh Jack, sod off. Honestly, if I didn’t love you so much I’d run you over…not that it would do much good. Then again, as Jack Sparrow implied, it would do me some good.
This is your best accent? Ohhhhkay.
A first class mast. Why does that amuse me so?
Chloroform? OHMYGOD. I have stumbled into a Nancy Drew book! Excellent!
Wow Jack, your ex-lovers all seem to have quite the manic streak. Do you do this to them?
The Ianto/Gwen banter is made of win.
Ah moving shadows. Great. I reserve the right to panic when it starts asking who turned off the light...
HA! Yes he’s being kept alive to be with you! Hahahahaha! Oh bless the manic cow.
She’s very annoying. Ianto should stun her. Pull a Nancy, Gwen! Ianto! Climb through the window, there’s always a window…
“I think we’ll die” - excellent deduction, what do the police do without you Ms Cooper?
Awww Ianto I love you - “I don't like India…if I wanted to be knocked out and murdered I would have stayed at home!” He’s a terrible traveller.
Oh wonderful, must they always heap emotional baggage on Jack, he’s stunted enough as it is. Ugh.
Iantoooooooooooo!!!
This. Woman. Is. Completely. Mad.
Bah. Imperialist nonsense at its finest, my uni would have a field day with this.
Jack, you're repeating yourself...
He really should stop abusing his life energy like this…it’s no wonder he ends up the way he does.
Wise decision Ianto, I approve.
Goodbye cruel world! This reminds me of Asterix and Cleopatra…she’s just as melodramatic - I’ll show you how a queen can die!
Conclusion: Glee. It's all delightfully deranged. I'm slightly disturbed by how quickly it all seems to be going. Next week is going to be over in a flash and then what? I shudder to think...
The Dead Line by Phil Ford
Firstly, I could happily have lived my life in ignorance of 'The Archers'. It's possibly even more boring than the thing my grandmother listens to and I didn't think that was possible. Honestly, the things I do for you Torchwood - catch the end of radio shows with weird barn animal sounds, look like a complete fangirl lunatic, the list goes on.
Intrigue and Ianto straight from the start. Always a good sign. Let's gooo!
Whoa, way to put us off balance. Excellent way to start. Jack in actual peril is always a twist, it happens so rarely.
God Ianto, I love your upset voice. And angry voice…and…oh who am I kidding? I would answer the phone if you were calling, risk of dropping into a coma or not.
What?! There’s always time for coffee!
Did Jack just say happy clappy? Ha, I KNEW that wasn't just something weird my family did…
Oh well, if you’re making tea, weird lady, then by all means please come in!
MUSEUM CHIC!
ABBA? Ah well Jack, perhaps you should discuss that with Ianto, we all know he appreciates their poptastic danceability.
Hai Rhys! You see through your wife’s hypocrisy! Gwen pwnd. Well done.
'Please god no' indeed. No mexican moustaches for Ianto. N.O.
Our Jack is such a clever boy. Unconciousness via phone is at least more original than say, oh I don't know, chloroform.
Awwww Ianto! *HUGS*
Rhys, you are so awesome, I can’t believe how much you put up with.
Electro-chemical reaction. Sounds tasty.
Stella's quite awesome. As far as exes go, at least she doesn’t seem to be insane. She hasn't admitted to attending any rehabs, and she also hasn't made a banana reference. Nice change, I was beginning to get worried there.
Action!Rhys is up to the job. All hail Team Torchwood! And sorry Rhys, Jack and Ianto have already discussed your gun carrying ability (predictably, it led to harassment, but you know, whatever)
Oh god…those sound like bees. My apiphobia just kicked in. Eeeee *hides* OH GOOD, not bees. Just a dead, decomposing body and flies. I probably shouldn’t be relieved by that but…it’s not bees!
You know, this is beginning to sound more like a job for Disco Stu…
Cue Ianto’s big speech of fangirl inducing squee. HUGS HUGS HUGS. I hope he learns to appreciate you, Ianto. Honestly.
Ohmygod. This…this…is too much. My heart is breaking. IT’S BREAKING.
Ok, now they’re stamping on my broken heart and crushing it to fine glass. It is nothing but powder. IANTO *hugs again* I refuse to ever become emotionally invested in a character again, I won't survive it.
(Also, see! I always said Ianto was under no illusions about the complicated mess that sometimes threatens to masquerade as a relationship. Still hurts though.)
Can’t say I really want to hear about someone lusting after Gwen right now. I am far too damaged, emo child that I am. The breathing, it hurts.
Ok I admit I forgot there was a plot beyond that speech for a second (just long enough to blink the tears from my eyes, wait, what? I didn’t admit to anything!), but now that I’ve remembered, it’s very good actually. Rhys and Gwen make a great team, and Rhys is being an awesome pseudo cop.
“Give me a PDA” - Ianto can still work under emotional duress. That’s our Ianto. And he’s brilliant too! As if there was ever any doubt.
This must be the quietest Jack’s ever been.
Wow Gwen, way to almost get run over. That would have been embarrassing.
All together - awwwww.
Awkward!Ianto is awkward, and oh, wait for it, wait for it. OHMYGOD. They just - they just did that. THEY JUST DID THAT. Oh wait, I'm flailing all over the place *carefully arranges jacket*
Conclusion: I think the capslock and wild emotional flailing speaks for itself in this one.
Golden Age by James Goss
I think the biggest obstacle here would have to be language barrier.
Oh but never fear, ingenious!Ianto is being ingenious.
“Not seen him for 80 years and starts shooting at him." "Old flame?" "Yup." WIN.
Ooooh Gwen so wants to punch this guy. I'm on her side. Girl power, and so on and so on.
Alien cutlery. Now that would be interesting.
Aaaah observant Ianto!
This duchess has clearly lost her bananas…completely off her nut.
Yes, assistant *shifty eyes*
Oh Jack, sod off. Honestly, if I didn’t love you so much I’d run you over…not that it would do much good. Then again, as Jack Sparrow implied, it would do me some good.
This is your best accent? Ohhhhkay.
A first class mast. Why does that amuse me so?
Chloroform? OHMYGOD. I have stumbled into a Nancy Drew book! Excellent!
Wow Jack, your ex-lovers all seem to have quite the manic streak. Do you do this to them?
The Ianto/Gwen banter is made of win.
Ah moving shadows. Great. I reserve the right to panic when it starts asking who turned off the light...
HA! Yes he’s being kept alive to be with you! Hahahahaha! Oh bless the manic cow.
She’s very annoying. Ianto should stun her. Pull a Nancy, Gwen! Ianto! Climb through the window, there’s always a window…
“I think we’ll die” - excellent deduction, what do the police do without you Ms Cooper?
Awww Ianto I love you - “I don't like India…if I wanted to be knocked out and murdered I would have stayed at home!” He’s a terrible traveller.
Oh wonderful, must they always heap emotional baggage on Jack, he’s stunted enough as it is. Ugh.
Iantoooooooooooo!!!
This. Woman. Is. Completely. Mad.
Bah. Imperialist nonsense at its finest, my uni would have a field day with this.
Jack, you're repeating yourself...
He really should stop abusing his life energy like this…it’s no wonder he ends up the way he does.
Wise decision Ianto, I approve.
Goodbye cruel world! This reminds me of Asterix and Cleopatra…she’s just as melodramatic - I’ll show you how a queen can die!
Conclusion: Glee. It's all delightfully deranged. I'm slightly disturbed by how quickly it all seems to be going. Next week is going to be over in a flash and then what? I shudder to think...
The Dead Line by Phil Ford
Firstly, I could happily have lived my life in ignorance of 'The Archers'. It's possibly even more boring than the thing my grandmother listens to and I didn't think that was possible. Honestly, the things I do for you Torchwood - catch the end of radio shows with weird barn animal sounds, look like a complete fangirl lunatic, the list goes on.
Intrigue and Ianto straight from the start. Always a good sign. Let's gooo!
Whoa, way to put us off balance. Excellent way to start. Jack in actual peril is always a twist, it happens so rarely.
God Ianto, I love your upset voice. And angry voice…and…oh who am I kidding? I would answer the phone if you were calling, risk of dropping into a coma or not.
What?! There’s always time for coffee!
Did Jack just say happy clappy? Ha, I KNEW that wasn't just something weird my family did…
Oh well, if you’re making tea, weird lady, then by all means please come in!
MUSEUM CHIC!
ABBA? Ah well Jack, perhaps you should discuss that with Ianto, we all know he appreciates their poptastic danceability.
Hai Rhys! You see through your wife’s hypocrisy! Gwen pwnd. Well done.
'Please god no' indeed. No mexican moustaches for Ianto. N.O.
Our Jack is such a clever boy. Unconciousness via phone is at least more original than say, oh I don't know, chloroform.
Awwww Ianto! *HUGS*
Rhys, you are so awesome, I can’t believe how much you put up with.
Electro-chemical reaction. Sounds tasty.
Stella's quite awesome. As far as exes go, at least she doesn’t seem to be insane. She hasn't admitted to attending any rehabs, and she also hasn't made a banana reference. Nice change, I was beginning to get worried there.
Action!Rhys is up to the job. All hail Team Torchwood! And sorry Rhys, Jack and Ianto have already discussed your gun carrying ability (predictably, it led to harassment, but you know, whatever)
Oh god…those sound like bees. My apiphobia just kicked in. Eeeee *hides* OH GOOD, not bees. Just a dead, decomposing body and flies. I probably shouldn’t be relieved by that but…it’s not bees!
You know, this is beginning to sound more like a job for Disco Stu…
Cue Ianto’s big speech of fangirl inducing squee. HUGS HUGS HUGS. I hope he learns to appreciate you, Ianto. Honestly.
Ohmygod. This…this…is too much. My heart is breaking. IT’S BREAKING.
Ok, now they’re stamping on my broken heart and crushing it to fine glass. It is nothing but powder. IANTO *hugs again* I refuse to ever become emotionally invested in a character again, I won't survive it.
(Also, see! I always said Ianto was under no illusions about the complicated mess that sometimes threatens to masquerade as a relationship. Still hurts though.)
Can’t say I really want to hear about someone lusting after Gwen right now. I am far too damaged, emo child that I am. The breathing, it hurts.
Ok I admit I forgot there was a plot beyond that speech for a second (just long enough to blink the tears from my eyes, wait, what? I didn’t admit to anything!), but now that I’ve remembered, it’s very good actually. Rhys and Gwen make a great team, and Rhys is being an awesome pseudo cop.
“Give me a PDA” - Ianto can still work under emotional duress. That’s our Ianto. And he’s brilliant too! As if there was ever any doubt.
This must be the quietest Jack’s ever been.
Wow Gwen, way to almost get run over. That would have been embarrassing.
All together - awwwww.
Awkward!Ianto is awkward, and oh, wait for it, wait for it. OHMYGOD. They just - they just did that. THEY JUST DID THAT. Oh wait, I'm flailing all over the place *carefully arranges jacket*
Conclusion: I think the capslock and wild emotional flailing speaks for itself in this one.