☆ [Homestuck]: Quality Time
Author: Jubilee
Characters: Jake
Rating: T
Genre: Humor
Note: I don't know. This is a dumb idea I was inspired to write. How do you Jake...
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"Bye Tori! Have a good time!"
Jake waved from the doorway as he watched his girlfriend drive off in the car. It was Friday and once every month was girls' night out with her friends. As such, the bespectacled young man with the overbite had the house all to himself.
Closing the door, he stood there, and thought. "Now what could I do…? None of my friends are available…"
He paced around the house thinking. When he got to the bedroom, he noticed a package had been opened. Though he didn't think it was respectful to snoop through Tori's belongings, this one caught his curiosity. "Ah, it's from Kanaya. Oh! This appears to be a treasure trove of skin care products! Tori rarely uses these…"
Jake looked to the side for a moment. "…can't let them go to waste now. No, I'm sure these things are expensive!" He fished through the box and found instructions Kanaya had written for her friend.
"…I see…" he said as he read the paper. "…well, I'm sure this procedure is unisex and there's nothing wrong with me trying this out! Jade does mention I need to take care of myself… Well that's it then!"
Moments later, he was in the bath, a content look on his face as his back laid against the wall of the tub. "This soap smells wonderful! And these bubbles are delightful!" he said with a chuckle. "I don't know why Tori doesn't do this more often. It's so relaxing! Sure to get that stress off her shoulders…"
He poked at the green mask on his face and licked his finger. "Who knew you could use avocados for this type of thing!"
When the water began to turn cold, he decided it was time he comforted himself elsewhere. Wrapping a towel around his body, he added one to his hair so as not to drip everywhere. "Kanaya mentioned cucumbers for the eyes. I wonder if that really works? Well, if she says so, I'm sure it's credible! Do we even have cucumbers?"
He walked to the kitchen and fished through the fridge. "Egad! We do!" Jake cut two slices of cucumber for his eyes. "…well I already took the goshdarn thing out I might as well eat it…but by itself it's not as scrumptious… Hmm…" He tapped his chin. "Tori is bound to have some. She always eats it when she goes to work…"
Looking through the fridge again, his green pasty face lit up when he found a tub of hummus. "Yes!" Grabbing it, he put it on the counter and finished slicing the cucumber. He put them in a bowl and grabbed both objects. He sat down on the couch in the living room and placed them on the coffee table.
"What can I do now? Golly, I'm usually always doing something with Tori I don't know what to do by myself when I actually have some time to spare!" He eyed the DVD shelf and walked over to it, crouching down. "…maybe…hmm… Dirk sure likes them…and they're a part of Tori's culture…so I could…make an attempt…"
He put a disc in the DVD player and sat back down on the couch. He turned on the device and the television. "Tori always gets emotionally invested in these things, and Dirk watches them with her sometimes… If I want to be a good boyfriend and future husband…heh…" His face slightly reddened at the thought. "…well fuck it let's see what the fuss is all about!"
Setting the subtitles on, he played the first episode in the DVD. From then on, Jake found himself absorbed in the story of the ever dramatic Mexican soap operas.
His eyes glossed as he covered a cucumber with hummus and stuffed it in his mouth.
"Pero te amo Antonio! No me puedes hacer esto!"
"Me fue infiel Esperanza! Ya no te creo nada!"
"Oh my God! No! You can't do that to her Antonio!" He stuffed another cucumber in his mouth. "You don't understand! She was coerced into it! She did it to protect you! That fucking bastard Guillermo just wants her all to himself! He hates you don't you get it?!" Jake wiped the tears from his eyes.
This was just too painful to watch.
After about three hours of watching novelas, Jake was beside himself with emotions he didn't know existed. It was too much to look at their faces. He covered his eyes with cucumber slices as he listened to their voices and the dramatic music.
"The devil fucking dickens she's pregnant isn't she? I know what that music insinuates! No I don't want to look!" He made a note to himself to take some Spanish courses at the local community college the next time the new semester for it started.
He peeked under a cucumber slice and read the subtitles. "DAMN IT! Now Antonio will never return to her side! ESPERANZAAAAAA!"
"Jake?"
Suddenly horror coursed throughout his veins. He slowly turned his head around to the sound near the doorway. The cucumber slices fell from his eyes and to his dismay, Tori was standing before him with a very shocked expression on her face.
"Oh, T-Tori! My love! Y-You're back early!"
"Yeah… Rose couldn't handle her liquor so she puked and then a few of the other girls puked and then…it went downhill from there…so I came home… I was the responsible one and didn't drink any so…" She rolled her tongue in her mouth. "…so whatcha doin' there Jake."
"Uh… Ah ha, funny story! Well you see…"
The look she was giving him made him nervous. His eyes darted elsewhere in the room, his face red underneath the avocado mask. After a few awkward moments of silence because he couldn't think of an excuse, Tori began to laugh as she walked towards him. He scowled and crossed his arms.
"There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man trying to take care of himself! If you're not going to use these things, well don't let them go to waste!" He pouted.
"Ha ha I never said there was something wrong with it! I'm just shocked is all!" She tried to calm her laughter. "But novelas and cucumbers with hummus? Oh man. Dirk's gonna wanna hear about this."
"Don't tell Strider! He'll never let me hear the end of it, even to my grave-Tori no don't take pictures! Please!"
"I'm only half sorry!" she laughed. She stashed her phone away before Jake had a chance to snatch it.
"I won't tell Dirk, but only if I get to spend girl time with you too. Don't hog it all to yourself."
He looked a little dumbfounded. "…really? You're not going to ridicule me for all this?"
"No! I love a man who gets in touch with his feminine side." She poked his nose.
"Oh…well…okay then… I suppose I'm okay with that."
"Suppose?" she joked, sounding offended.
"W-Well I mean I'm totally okay with it!"
"Alright, sounds like a date!"
He grinned sheepishly, his overbite showing.
"Now tell me what you did so we can be towel buddies."
"Oh…okay! Well first I made the bath and then put this mask on!"
"Mm, still got some of the avocado you made, or do I have to make more?"
"I think there's still some in the bathroom."
Soon enough, Tori was sharing the couch with Jake as they watched their novelas, matching towel outfits and all. She didn't mind seeing the episodes again, especially with Jake's commentary. She glanced every now and then at him, his eyes filled with tears and despair on his face whenever something bad happened to a character. She smiled happily.
The clock struck midnight. The DVD had played all the episodes available in the first disc.
"Did you enjoy it?"
"I hate cliffhangers! We must watch the next one another time!"
She laughed. "Of course! But right now I think we should sleep. You have that meeting tomorrow morning."
"Of all days to have a meeting it had to be Saturday. No progress is made anyway, just a bunch of hullabaloo really. Bloody waste of time!"
"I know, but it's mandatory. You're good at your job Jake. You should be proud."
"I am…but…" He sighed. "I wanted to spend the whole day with you. Half of it is gone by the time I return home."
"Well, we can always spend some time before bed."
"What do you mean? Didn't we already spend time just now?"
All she did was smile and took the bowls in her hands. She swiped some avocado from his mask and ate it daintily from her finger. That was enough of a cue for Jake. His eyes widened slightly as his face turned red yet again.
"OH."
"Of course, you DO have work in the morn-"
"There is always room for quality time spent with my dulcesita!"
She laughed.
"I learned that word from the soap!"
Putting the bowls in the sink she said, "Hmm, I wonder if there's other things you've learned from it."
He looked dumbfounded again as he watched her walk away. He tried to grab at his collar but then he remembered he wasn't wearing anything but a towel. "Oh…right…ah ha… Golly…" The mask was doing nothing to help his face cool down.
"Just get in here you big dork," she chuckled. He walked up to her and smiled nervously at her. She shook her head and laughed, kissing him gently on the lips.
"You get brownie points today."
"For what?"
"For revealing that you'll actually do these things with me and enjoy them." She whispered something in his ear. His face almost exploded. Her only response was a smile.
"Of course, our masks would prove a hindrance-"
"We can always put them on some other time!"
"Look at you, acting like a child who just walked into a candy store."
He smiled sheepishly at her again, sincerely at a loss for words as he rubbed the back of his neck. She chuckled.
"You're so adorable."
Yes, that night Jake learned there's perks to admitting you like spending girl time when you're by yourself.
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A/N: I DON'T KNOW. THIS IS DUMB. HERE KOONDY. OTL Jake is hard to write. I'm so used to writing Dirk I don't know how to Jake anything ahsdnfglkmf
Characters: Jake
Rating: T
Genre: Humor
Note: I don't know. This is a dumb idea I was inspired to write. How do you Jake...
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"Bye Tori! Have a good time!"
Jake waved from the doorway as he watched his girlfriend drive off in the car. It was Friday and once every month was girls' night out with her friends. As such, the bespectacled young man with the overbite had the house all to himself.
Closing the door, he stood there, and thought. "Now what could I do…? None of my friends are available…"
He paced around the house thinking. When he got to the bedroom, he noticed a package had been opened. Though he didn't think it was respectful to snoop through Tori's belongings, this one caught his curiosity. "Ah, it's from Kanaya. Oh! This appears to be a treasure trove of skin care products! Tori rarely uses these…"
Jake looked to the side for a moment. "…can't let them go to waste now. No, I'm sure these things are expensive!" He fished through the box and found instructions Kanaya had written for her friend.
"…I see…" he said as he read the paper. "…well, I'm sure this procedure is unisex and there's nothing wrong with me trying this out! Jade does mention I need to take care of myself… Well that's it then!"
Moments later, he was in the bath, a content look on his face as his back laid against the wall of the tub. "This soap smells wonderful! And these bubbles are delightful!" he said with a chuckle. "I don't know why Tori doesn't do this more often. It's so relaxing! Sure to get that stress off her shoulders…"
He poked at the green mask on his face and licked his finger. "Who knew you could use avocados for this type of thing!"
When the water began to turn cold, he decided it was time he comforted himself elsewhere. Wrapping a towel around his body, he added one to his hair so as not to drip everywhere. "Kanaya mentioned cucumbers for the eyes. I wonder if that really works? Well, if she says so, I'm sure it's credible! Do we even have cucumbers?"
He walked to the kitchen and fished through the fridge. "Egad! We do!" Jake cut two slices of cucumber for his eyes. "…well I already took the goshdarn thing out I might as well eat it…but by itself it's not as scrumptious… Hmm…" He tapped his chin. "Tori is bound to have some. She always eats it when she goes to work…"
Looking through the fridge again, his green pasty face lit up when he found a tub of hummus. "Yes!" Grabbing it, he put it on the counter and finished slicing the cucumber. He put them in a bowl and grabbed both objects. He sat down on the couch in the living room and placed them on the coffee table.
"What can I do now? Golly, I'm usually always doing something with Tori I don't know what to do by myself when I actually have some time to spare!" He eyed the DVD shelf and walked over to it, crouching down. "…maybe…hmm… Dirk sure likes them…and they're a part of Tori's culture…so I could…make an attempt…"
He put a disc in the DVD player and sat back down on the couch. He turned on the device and the television. "Tori always gets emotionally invested in these things, and Dirk watches them with her sometimes… If I want to be a good boyfriend and future husband…heh…" His face slightly reddened at the thought. "…well fuck it let's see what the fuss is all about!"
Setting the subtitles on, he played the first episode in the DVD. From then on, Jake found himself absorbed in the story of the ever dramatic Mexican soap operas.
His eyes glossed as he covered a cucumber with hummus and stuffed it in his mouth.
"Pero te amo Antonio! No me puedes hacer esto!"
"Me fue infiel Esperanza! Ya no te creo nada!"
"Oh my God! No! You can't do that to her Antonio!" He stuffed another cucumber in his mouth. "You don't understand! She was coerced into it! She did it to protect you! That fucking bastard Guillermo just wants her all to himself! He hates you don't you get it?!" Jake wiped the tears from his eyes.
This was just too painful to watch.
After about three hours of watching novelas, Jake was beside himself with emotions he didn't know existed. It was too much to look at their faces. He covered his eyes with cucumber slices as he listened to their voices and the dramatic music.
"The devil fucking dickens she's pregnant isn't she? I know what that music insinuates! No I don't want to look!" He made a note to himself to take some Spanish courses at the local community college the next time the new semester for it started.
He peeked under a cucumber slice and read the subtitles. "DAMN IT! Now Antonio will never return to her side! ESPERANZAAAAAA!"
"Jake?"
Suddenly horror coursed throughout his veins. He slowly turned his head around to the sound near the doorway. The cucumber slices fell from his eyes and to his dismay, Tori was standing before him with a very shocked expression on her face.
"Oh, T-Tori! My love! Y-You're back early!"
"Yeah… Rose couldn't handle her liquor so she puked and then a few of the other girls puked and then…it went downhill from there…so I came home… I was the responsible one and didn't drink any so…" She rolled her tongue in her mouth. "…so whatcha doin' there Jake."
"Uh… Ah ha, funny story! Well you see…"
The look she was giving him made him nervous. His eyes darted elsewhere in the room, his face red underneath the avocado mask. After a few awkward moments of silence because he couldn't think of an excuse, Tori began to laugh as she walked towards him. He scowled and crossed his arms.
"There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man trying to take care of himself! If you're not going to use these things, well don't let them go to waste!" He pouted.
"Ha ha I never said there was something wrong with it! I'm just shocked is all!" She tried to calm her laughter. "But novelas and cucumbers with hummus? Oh man. Dirk's gonna wanna hear about this."
"Don't tell Strider! He'll never let me hear the end of it, even to my grave-Tori no don't take pictures! Please!"
"I'm only half sorry!" she laughed. She stashed her phone away before Jake had a chance to snatch it.
"I won't tell Dirk, but only if I get to spend girl time with you too. Don't hog it all to yourself."
He looked a little dumbfounded. "…really? You're not going to ridicule me for all this?"
"No! I love a man who gets in touch with his feminine side." She poked his nose.
"Oh…well…okay then… I suppose I'm okay with that."
"Suppose?" she joked, sounding offended.
"W-Well I mean I'm totally okay with it!"
"Alright, sounds like a date!"
He grinned sheepishly, his overbite showing.
"Now tell me what you did so we can be towel buddies."
"Oh…okay! Well first I made the bath and then put this mask on!"
"Mm, still got some of the avocado you made, or do I have to make more?"
"I think there's still some in the bathroom."
Soon enough, Tori was sharing the couch with Jake as they watched their novelas, matching towel outfits and all. She didn't mind seeing the episodes again, especially with Jake's commentary. She glanced every now and then at him, his eyes filled with tears and despair on his face whenever something bad happened to a character. She smiled happily.
The clock struck midnight. The DVD had played all the episodes available in the first disc.
"Did you enjoy it?"
"I hate cliffhangers! We must watch the next one another time!"
She laughed. "Of course! But right now I think we should sleep. You have that meeting tomorrow morning."
"Of all days to have a meeting it had to be Saturday. No progress is made anyway, just a bunch of hullabaloo really. Bloody waste of time!"
"I know, but it's mandatory. You're good at your job Jake. You should be proud."
"I am…but…" He sighed. "I wanted to spend the whole day with you. Half of it is gone by the time I return home."
"Well, we can always spend some time before bed."
"What do you mean? Didn't we already spend time just now?"
All she did was smile and took the bowls in her hands. She swiped some avocado from his mask and ate it daintily from her finger. That was enough of a cue for Jake. His eyes widened slightly as his face turned red yet again.
"OH."
"Of course, you DO have work in the morn-"
"There is always room for quality time spent with my dulcesita!"
She laughed.
"I learned that word from the soap!"
Putting the bowls in the sink she said, "Hmm, I wonder if there's other things you've learned from it."
He looked dumbfounded again as he watched her walk away. He tried to grab at his collar but then he remembered he wasn't wearing anything but a towel. "Oh…right…ah ha… Golly…" The mask was doing nothing to help his face cool down.
"Just get in here you big dork," she chuckled. He walked up to her and smiled nervously at her. She shook her head and laughed, kissing him gently on the lips.
"You get brownie points today."
"For what?"
"For revealing that you'll actually do these things with me and enjoy them." She whispered something in his ear. His face almost exploded. Her only response was a smile.
"Of course, our masks would prove a hindrance-"
"We can always put them on some other time!"
"Look at you, acting like a child who just walked into a candy store."
He smiled sheepishly at her again, sincerely at a loss for words as he rubbed the back of his neck. She chuckled.
"You're so adorable."
Yes, that night Jake learned there's perks to admitting you like spending girl time when you're by yourself.
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A/N: I DON'T KNOW. THIS IS DUMB. HERE KOONDY. OTL Jake is hard to write. I'm so used to writing Dirk I don't know how to Jake anything ahsdnfglkmf