im not giving up...
"steps ascending" by thursday
Steps ascend to a loaded gun
The scent of matches hangs in the air
Room flickers out in a heartbeat
You don't want to see this
A flash of light that's letting go
Empty bullet case by the time it hits the ground it's out of
reach
The walls are closing in
There's no room left to make amends
But do you remember when we'd fly that kite so high?
All the time it's wasted
Spent faded, it burned
Fire of all regret
All the time that's wasted
Spent faded, it's blood
And it's running down the stairs
Freeze the frame
Between the gunshot and the hole it makes
Speeding bullet hangs in the middle
There's no way to stop it
It will surely hit the mark
If you try to understand what I'm giving up
Giving up
Giving up
The synapse fires this right in time
I'm giving up
Giving up
Giving up
This should always stay out of reach
The walls are closing in
There's no room left to make amends
But do you remember when we'd fly that kite so high?
All the time it's wasted
Spent faded, it burned
Firel of all regret
All the time that's wasted
Spent faded, it's blood
And it's running down the stairs
I ran down the stairs and into the gardens
Thrust my hands into the salt
In the spring you will bloom
Like a heart through the blast in the back of an ambulance
I said turn and you turned down the street
One more turn won't you come back to me?
I said turn but it's red lights
You were turning into red roses
I'm not giving up
ive been up for almost thirty hours so forgive me if things dont make much sense.
ive been thinking a lot about friendship lately...how the most important people in your life are with you through everything, and they stick out even the worst of times, and you still can honestly say at the end of the day that you love that person, and that they love you.
im lucky as fucking hell to have a few friends like that. people that i can call and wake up at two am after i just had a drunk make-out session, or that i can rely on to cheer me up when i have to spend time elsewhere when my father is at home in the hospital...or who just always know the right things to say to make me feel better about any given situation, people that listen to me ramble on endlessly about stuff that means nothing when their world is an insanity all their own, people that ive never even met who care about how im doing, and when they ask, i know that they honestly do care. you guys are what life is about.
a lot of things in my life have changed these past nine months (its crazy to think that i could have had his kid already if things would have gotten too far out of control early on) and i know that a lot more change is on the way.
i can feel these changes in the air, and my bedroom does/will reflect those differences.
i hate that i had to bail on friends this weekend. i hate that im spending a lot of time in my room by myself, creating things, instead of out with friends creating fun. im sick to my stomach and full of hatred for people that can just drop me on a dime after claiming that they were "better than him" and "wouldnt ever do those things to me."
to those of you who have never lied, and have never let me down...or at least who have been strong enough to bear with me through the brunt of my whacked out self...thank you. i really do love you guys.
(not locked because people who arent on eljay need to read this, too)
Steps ascend to a loaded gun
The scent of matches hangs in the air
Room flickers out in a heartbeat
You don't want to see this
A flash of light that's letting go
Empty bullet case by the time it hits the ground it's out of
reach
The walls are closing in
There's no room left to make amends
But do you remember when we'd fly that kite so high?
All the time it's wasted
Spent faded, it burned
Fire of all regret
All the time that's wasted
Spent faded, it's blood
And it's running down the stairs
Freeze the frame
Between the gunshot and the hole it makes
Speeding bullet hangs in the middle
There's no way to stop it
It will surely hit the mark
If you try to understand what I'm giving up
Giving up
Giving up
The synapse fires this right in time
I'm giving up
Giving up
Giving up
This should always stay out of reach
The walls are closing in
There's no room left to make amends
But do you remember when we'd fly that kite so high?
All the time it's wasted
Spent faded, it burned
Firel of all regret
All the time that's wasted
Spent faded, it's blood
And it's running down the stairs
I ran down the stairs and into the gardens
Thrust my hands into the salt
In the spring you will bloom
Like a heart through the blast in the back of an ambulance
I said turn and you turned down the street
One more turn won't you come back to me?
I said turn but it's red lights
You were turning into red roses
I'm not giving up
ive been up for almost thirty hours so forgive me if things dont make much sense.
ive been thinking a lot about friendship lately...how the most important people in your life are with you through everything, and they stick out even the worst of times, and you still can honestly say at the end of the day that you love that person, and that they love you.
im lucky as fucking hell to have a few friends like that. people that i can call and wake up at two am after i just had a drunk make-out session, or that i can rely on to cheer me up when i have to spend time elsewhere when my father is at home in the hospital...or who just always know the right things to say to make me feel better about any given situation, people that listen to me ramble on endlessly about stuff that means nothing when their world is an insanity all their own, people that ive never even met who care about how im doing, and when they ask, i know that they honestly do care. you guys are what life is about.
a lot of things in my life have changed these past nine months (its crazy to think that i could have had his kid already if things would have gotten too far out of control early on) and i know that a lot more change is on the way.
i can feel these changes in the air, and my bedroom does/will reflect those differences.
i hate that i had to bail on friends this weekend. i hate that im spending a lot of time in my room by myself, creating things, instead of out with friends creating fun. im sick to my stomach and full of hatred for people that can just drop me on a dime after claiming that they were "better than him" and "wouldnt ever do those things to me."
to those of you who have never lied, and have never let me down...or at least who have been strong enough to bear with me through the brunt of my whacked out self...thank you. i really do love you guys.
(not locked because people who arent on eljay need to read this, too)