-perhaps adding more environmental details; i can't quite picture the venue, or the street, or the convenience store unless you describe them. was it dark/night? was the clerk an old man? was it small? was this the chupa-chop wrapping look like? etc.
-perhaps putting this under an lj-cut? lol
i think that's all... just basically giving more color/form to their environments. :)
Comments 5
wish i could've read more kane/damon interaction~~~
looking forward to the next chapter ♥ ♥
Reply
And thank you ^-^ I decided to show her cute and kind side more ^-^ that IS who she is, she just likes putting up a front XD
No worries, the next chappie will be here soon!~ ^-^
Reply
so, as far as critique goes:
-perhaps adding more environmental details; i can't quite picture the venue, or the street, or the convenience store unless you describe them. was it dark/night? was the clerk an old man? was it small? was this the chupa-chop wrapping look like? etc.
-perhaps putting this under an lj-cut? lol
i think that's all... just basically giving more color/form to their environments. :)
-
Reply
So TECHNICALLY, I did, lol XD
....Yea, I'm pitiful...I know TT^TT
Yea, I tend to forget about that kind of stuff ^^;
Thank you~ ^-^ :glomp: ^-^
Reply
Leave a comment