When We Collide - Harry/Louis - Chapter 6
Title: When We Collide
Pairings: Harry/Louis
Part: Chapter 6 of ?
Genre: AU, Romance
Rating: R
Summary: Harry and Louis live parallel lives where nothing much happens, but when the lines begin to intersect, they find themselves in situations bigger than either of them have ever bargained for.
♔ PROLOGUE || CHAPTER ONE || CHAPTER TWO || CHAPTER THREE || CHAPTER FOUR || CHAPTER FIVE
Chapter six
Louis thinks too much when he’s not talking.
He reckons he does it unconsciously to fill in the silence ringing in his ears, and probably because there isn’t much going on in his life but to think. Whatever the reason is, there’s always something filling his head, whether it comes from his lips or his brain, and right now, as he’s looking at the ceiling with his hands linked on his stomach and listening to the soft, deep snores Niall’s emitting next to him (he had climbed into Louis’s bed a few hours earlier after waking up from a bad dream), he’s thinking about the first time he talked to Zayn.
It’s raining when he pushes through the doors leading outside the school building and he silently berates himself for forgetting his umbrella. Everyone’s scurrying about with books and bags held over their heads (and umbrellas for the prepared) as their feet make splashes on the wet cement, and he has half a mind to just stand by the doors and wait out the rain like a sensible person would. He reckons he doesn’t have anything better to do at home. Watch a movie, maybe, or finish his homework, but nothing so important that he has to rush home. He sighs and sits down on the steps, hugging his rucksack and watching students disperse and dwindle. He spots some of his friends, including Niall, and waves at them. Niall stays and talks for a while until he gets a call from his mother saying she’s there, and he gives Louis a bump on the knuckle before scampering down the steps and running towards his mother’s car.
Fifteen minutes of boring surveillance pass and Louis sees a small group of people gathering and chatting about around a tree in the courtyard, and he stands up and cranes his neck to see what’s going on. Failing to see anything through the wall of bodies, he walks down the steps and makes his way to them. When he gets closer, one of the girls turns around with a large grin on her face and a tiny kitten cradled in her arms, talking excitedly with her friend, who’s petting an identical one. As moments pass, the rest start to move away, each with a kitten in their hands, and Louis is left curious, wondering who might have left them. After the last person leaves, he inches closer and sees a damp white box sitting against the tree, and, dropping down to a squat and peering inside, he finds a lone kitten curled up in a corner where the rain doesn’t reach, fur a faint auburn color, tiny little breaths making its chest rise and fall, sleeping. He looks around and, seeing no one, he reaches down and runs a finger down its back. Its entire body bristles and suddenly, it’s awake and staring at him with bright, blue eyes. He’s so enamored by the kitten that he doesn’t realize someone’s standing beside him, and it’s only when he hears the voice that he jumps and shoots up to his feet and finds himself face-to-face with Zayn Malik.
“You beat me to it,” he had said with a smile, and it takes a while for Louis to process the words because he’s too busy trying to get over the initial surprise. He gives Zayn a crooked smile, turns away, and squats back down, face tinting with pink. After all the years he’s admired him from afar, Louis has never been this close to him, and the rapid beating of his heart makes him forget that he’s getting drenched under the rain. Zayn moves closer and gets down until his umbrella’s covering the both of them, and Louis watches as he brings a hand to scratch the back of the kitten’s ear. “Forgot your umbrella?”
Louis nods, “Mhm,” as he brings a hand to scratch behind the other ear. He hears Zayn chuckle. “Likes the attention, don’t it?”
Louis looks at him from the corners of his eyes and takes his hand back. “You can have it if you want.”
Zayn shakes his head and picks it up. “Can’t. My mum’s allergic to fur. I only wanted to pet it, is all.” The kitten purrs in his hands and he gives it a soft kiss on the nose. Louis can’t help but watch.
“I wasn’t planning on taking it either,” Louis says with a shrug.
“You should, she looks so scared,” Zayn says, standing up and offering her. Louis gets up and looks at Zayn for a moment before taking her off his hands. Their skins brush together and Louis’s heart skips a beat, and he brings the kitten close to his heart and cradles it in his arm. Zayn watches and smiles until his eyes disappear, and rubs his thumb in the space between her eyes until she’s purring again.
“I think she likes you,” Louis says, almost coinciding with the words ‘I like you’ swimming restlessly in his head, and Zayn chuckles again.
“She’s a precious little thing,” Zayn says, hitching up his rucksack over his shoulder with his free hand. “Have you got a ride home?”
Louis shakes his head, keeping his eyes to the kitten. “I walk.”
“You’ll get sick in this weather, you know.”
Louis shrugs. “I was going to wait it out.”
“Let me walk you home then.”
Louis’s mind shuts down and it’s the first time he finds his brain not bustling with activity, and he stares at Zayn in disbelief, as if he had heard wrong or his ears were playing tricks on him. Zayn keeps his eyes to him expectantly and he feels the kitten stirring, and when he looks down, he sees it give a great yawn. He thinks his heartbeat’s the culprit because it’s throbbing against his chest, and when he lifts his head and meets Zayn’s eyes again, he can feel flames licking their way to his face under his skin.
“You-you don’t have to do that,” Louis stammers, embarrassment filling his bones. Zayn laughs and it sends shivers down his spine.
“I’ll sleep better tonight knowing she made it home safe without a fever.”
Louis gives a soft sigh and looks down on the ground. Of course it’s the cat.
“And I don’t want you getting a fever, too.”
Louis snaps his head back to him and he feels a smile curling the edges of his lips. Zayn stuffs his free hand in his pocket and taps the ground with the tip of his shoe. “So, what do you say?”
“I’d love it.” It escapes his throat before his mind wraps around the words and he’s sure Zayn heard the desperation in every syllable. But Zayn grins and his heart flips and turns and he hugs the kitten closer to his body because he doesn’t know what else to do.
“It’s Louis, right?” Zayn asks, and Louis likes the way his name sounds coming from his lips. He nods and looks at the hand Zayn’s offering.
“I’m Zayn.”
Louis sheepishly takes it with his own and he feels the coarseness of his skin. It sends a chill down to his toes and the handshake lasts longer than necessary, but Zayn doesn’t seem to mind, the smile on his face seemingly permanent. Louis smiles back and enjoys the warmth of Zayn’s fingers seeping into his skin.
“I know.”
“You’re doing it again.”
Niall’s voice drags him back to reality and his eyes are back to tracing patterns in the ceiling, a fading echo reverberating in his ears. The snoring’s stopped and he feels Niall shifting in his spot, making the bedsprings creak and making Jess dash down to the floor at the disturbance. Louis rips his gaze from the ceiling and turns his head to look at Niall, blue eyes gleaming even under the strips of moonlight spilling through the curtains.
“Doing what?”
“Humming that song.” Niall closes his eyes and turns his head to face the ceiling. “You were thinking about it again, weren’t you? When you got Jess?”
“No,” Louis denies, trying to remember if he had, indeed, been humming. “And what, you can read minds now?”
Niall chuckles under his breath and lightly elbows Louis’s side. Louis elbows back. “You always hum when you’re thinking about it. You told me yourself, remember?”
Louis shakes his head. “No, not really.”
Niall sighs and turns his body to face Louis. Louis keeps his eyes to the ceiling.
“You still miss him, don’t you?”
The words hit Louis hard and there’s a knot forming in his stomach. Zayn’s said and lied about a lot of things, but one thing that Louis knows without a shred of doubt is that Zayn truly did care for him. Even after he started drinking, he would tell Louis that he was the luckiest man alive and that he’d do anything to keep him by his side, and Louis knows that it’s not just drunken, empty nonsense that he forces out of his throat because he wants to keep Louis happy (because he’s said them when he was sober, too), as much as he convinces himself otherwise. His feelings might not have been as evident as they initially were at the start of their relationship, but Louis could still see bits and pieces of the old Zayn behind the ringed, bloodshot eyes coming home late at night with a bottle in his hand, and that the apologies and “I love you”s he whispers in Louis’s ears every night contain buds of truth held between each letter.
“I do,” Louis says under his breath.
“Even after everything?” Niall brings a hand and ghosts his fingers over the bruise healing under Louis’s eye. “Even after this?”
Louis takes Niall’s hand and slides it down the bed, holding it in the small space between them. “You wouldn’t understand.”
Niall closes his fingers over Louis’s and moves closer. “Help me to.”
Louis shakes his head and slides his hand from Niall’s grip, resting it on his stomach. “Go get some sleep. You’ve got a big day in store for you later.”
“Don’t remind me,” Niall says with a groan, twisting onto his back and sliding further under the covers until only his eyes remain visible. Louis can feel his eyelids getting heavier and he yawns, and in another moment, he feels Jess reclaiming her spot back against his foot between his legs. He smiles and gives her head a little tap with his toe through the blanket, and when he hears Niall’s snoring filling his ears once again, he feels the song, the one Zayn sang to him as he walked him home, making its way out of his throat in a series of low, delicate hums.
::
Harry’s never questioned his sexuality.
He knew he liked girls the moment he discovered that cooties weren’t real and that when they giggled and laughed at his jokes, it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. He loved the way their hips swayed when they walked, the way their breasts bounced, the way their legs stretched to forever, the way their lips felt pressing against his. And he’s had his fair share of girlfriends over the years and, even though none of them were ever really serious, he had fun and he’s never had eyes for the same sex.
That is, until Louis came along.
Harry can’t figure it out-can’t figure him out. For all intents and purposes, Louis is a generic boy-normal. He has hair like a boy, stubble like a boy, chest like a boy, hands like a boy-hell, he even smells like a boy. But looking closer, it’s not that streamlined, not that easy. There’s something about him that sticks. Maybe it’s the way he looks at him with those bright, blue eyes, the way lines poke themselves into the skin around his eyes when he laughs, or the feeling of his waist (so tight and fragile) in his hands. Maybe it’s none of them at all. But what he does know is that he’s starting to feel something for Louis, and he doesn’t know if it’s the right thing to do to make a move.
Sighing, he pats down his collar and moves away from the mirror, and he makes his way to the kitchen where Liam, his head bobbing to the music blasting through his earphones as he washes the dishes, has already cooked up a breakfast on the table. Harry takes a seat and pulls the plate closer to him, a long arm reaching for the pancakes.
“Excited for today?” Liam says so suddenly, Harry drops a pancake on the table. He didn’t even think Liam acknowledged him coming in.
“Just a little.”
“You’ve got a lot going on today, huh?” Liam says, putting the last dish in the drying rack and sitting opposite Harry. Harry nods and begins to cut the pancake in small pieces. He hears the clatter of silverware and looks up to see Liam working on a piece of sausage as he sets his iPod on the table. He looks back down and takes a small bite, and he doesn’t realize he’s forgotten the syrup until it’s halfway down his throat.
“You seem distracted,” Liam says after taking a sip of orange juice. Harry shrugs and reaches for the syrup bottle next to Liam’s arm. “Nerves?”
“Just been thinking,” Harry replies, and Liam watches him with curiosity. He shrugs in an attempt to drop the subject but Liam persists.
“About what? Come on, you can tell me.”
Harry sighs and looks at Liam, eyes burning with interest and lips curling into a small smile. Harry laughs and turns back to his pancake. He just can’t say no to Liam.
“Alright, alright,” Harry says, deciding then that he should just come out with it, that talking about it might help him stop the incessant thinking, help him forget. “It’s about Louis.”
Liam’s eyebrow shoots up at the name and he leans in, curiosity flaring from his skin. “What about Louis?”
“See, that’s what’s been bothering me,” Harry admits, dropping his fork and looking at Liam right in the eyes. He thinks about his next words for a few seconds, wanting to put it as simply as he can, but the words fail to come and he resigns with his back to the chair, folding his arms across his chest and sighing. “I just don’t know. I know I’m not gay but-I don’t know, something about Louis … attracts me. Do you know what I mean?”
Liam’s silent, eyes focused, unmoving, and after a few moments, he slumps back in his chair and gives a soft laugh.
“Sounds like you’ve got a big dilemma going on,” Liam says, his mouth stretching into a grin, and Harry creases his brows in confusion, nodding at his stating of the obvious.
“Yeah, I do. So have you got any advice?”
“You know what, mate,” Liam says, sitting up and stretching his arms into the air. “I’ve never cared much for labels and I don’t think you should, either. You like who you like, it’s as simple as that. If you like the person-well, go for it. No questions asked. No regrets.”
Harry listens attentively, propping himself on his elbow on the table. “You don’t think it’s too soon? I mean, I’ve only met the bloke two days ago and he just got out of a bad relationship and-” Harry takes a moment to realize what he’s just said and his eyes open wide, biting his tongue too late and watching Liam’s eyes narrow.
“A bad relationship?” Liam asks as though he had heard wrong, and Harry’s face starts to burn with guilt. He should have kept his mouth shut. “With Zayn? I don’t understand. What happened?”
“It-it’s not really my place to say,” Harry says, trying to sidestep past the issue and for a moment, he thinks there’s a sliver of hope that Liam might just leave it at that and move on. But after saying something that big, he’s going to need more than a sliver to push the issue behind the rug and change the subject. He sinks back in his chair as Liam burns holes in his eyes.
“Well, you’ve brought it up,” Liam says, voice firm but not angry, and Harry wishes more than anything that he can dissolve into the floor under his chair and hide there until Liam forgets about it. What is he supposed to say?
“I know,” Harry says, defeated, and he sits up straight and keeps his eyes on the table. “I didn’t mean to bring it up and I think that it’s best if you hear it from them but-”
At that moment, he feels his mobile vibrating in his pocket, and he quickly fishes it out and presses the green button, thankful for the temporary distraction.
“Hello?”
“Harry Styles? It’s Jenny from Wonderland Bakery.”
Harry holds up a finger and gets up from his seat, Liam watching him with disbelief. Harry excuses himself to the living room and he almost wants to thank her for calling at that very moment. Instead, he sits down on the sofa and says, “Oh, hi, Jenny. How are you?”
“Been better but there’s no use in complaining. And yourself?”
“Fine, thanks.”
“Good. So, about your employment. Are you free today?”
Harry’s taken aback by the suddenness and it takes him a few seconds to answer. “Well, I’ve got a performance tonight at eight but-”
“Excellent. So you’re free until then, am I correct?”
Harry can feel Jenny’s bluntness hitting his ears like hammers. “I-I suppose.”
“Great. Just come in as soon as you can and we can start on your training.”
“Training?” Harry didn’t really know how jobs worked but he thought there would at least be a few days’ notice before training starts. She didn’t even tell him that he’s got the job. Then again, Jenny doesn’t seem like the type of person to dilly-dally, and he supposes that the sooner he can start working, the better.
“Yes, boy, you’ve got the job. I’ll just talk to you later when you come in.”
Harry opens his mouth to say something but the line disconnects before the words leave his throat, and he stares at the mobile for a few moments before hopping up to his feet and making his way back to the kitchen.
“Well?” Liam asks, food untouched since Harry left to take the call, and Harry slides the mobile in his pocket.
“I’ve got the job.”
“Congratulations,” Liam says with a smile, and he leans over, waiting for Harry to say something. “And you were saying?”
“You know, she wants to me to go to the bakery as soon as I can,” Harry says, eyes pleading his apology, and when he turns around, he hears Liam call his name. He sighs and turns a quarter of the way, attention fixed on the sink.
“Come on, Harry, you can’t just leave me hanging.”
Harry lifts his head solemnly and looks at Liam, bracing himself and carefully picking out the words he wants to say. After a while, the silence starts to grate his ears, and he clears his throat and turns away once more. Liam watches on.
“Zayn’s been physically abusing Louis for a while. That’s why he left.”
Silence descends in the kitchen again and Harry can hear his breathing, emptiness filling his stomach. He still knows it wasn’t the right thing to do and he feels terrible for meddling, and he knows it’s not Liam’s fault, too, because he was just curious. It’s his fault for running his mouth where it shouldn’t be. But what’s done is done and he doesn’t see the look on Liam’s face or hear what he has to say because he’s dragging his feet back to his room to pick up his jumper, and he gives Liam a curt nod before slinging it over his shoulder and leaving the flat.
::
Louis is busying himself with a sandwich when Niall taps him on the shoulder.
“What are you doing?” Niall asks as he wipes down the counter. Louis shrugs and turns back to his sandwich, not really up to stating the obvious.
“What does it look like?”
“Looks like you’re making a sandwich for a ghost.”
“And by that you mean?”
Niall laughs and folds the towel. “I mean it’s ten o’clock in the morning and we have no customers. Even then, you just ate a few minutes ago and I didn’t ask for one so clearly, you’re making it for someone who’s not here.”
Louis stops what he’s doing and surveys the café. Niall’s right-the place is empty. Usually, they’d have at least five patrons at this hour sipping coffee or reading the morning paper, and it feels odd that they’re the only people in. The silence is deafening.
“Would you look at that,” Louis whispers and Niall’s next to him in a second, wrapping his arm around his shoulders and leaning in close to make sure Louis can hear him.
“Why are you thinking so much today?”
Louis looks at him with furrowed brows and he turns back to the sandwich, hoping the confusion sticks to Niall. “Thinking’s not that out of the ordinary, Ni. You should try it sometime, it’ll do you some good.”
“You’re so distracted though. And that whole thing with the humming earlier. You want to tell me what’s going on, Lou?”
Louis laughs and untangles himself from Niall to start up a batch of fresh coffee. Niall leans a hand on the back table and grips his hip with the other, and Louis can feel his eyes willing for him to look. “You’re the one with the master observational skills, you should know.”
“Well, I’ve been a bit rusty lately so I’d like for you to fill me in.”
A smile creeps on Louis’s lips and he locks eyes with Niall, whose eyes are bordering on interrogating.
“Alright, if you must know-”
“It’s about Harry, isn’t it?” Niall cuts in, eyes narrowing further as his smile grows wider, and Louis scoffs with a smile of his own, thoroughly entertained by the fact Niall knows him so well, their minds could be connected by an invisible cable transferring each and every thought until nothing’s hidden and everything’s laid out on the table. Niall never ceases to amaze him.
“Why on earth would you ask me if you already knew the answer, you twat,” Louis says, punching Niall on the shoulder.
“Well, it’s pretty obvious if you looked hard enough,” Niall says as if it’s the most apparent thing in the world, punching Louis back and running backwards to stay out of his reach. “You’ve been a bit loopy and distant ever since he came into the picture. Not that I blame you or anything ‘cause he’s a pretty good lad and I quite like him.”
“It’s not even like that, Ni,” Louis tells him, taking out the pot and pouring himself some coffee. He hovers a hand over the mug to feel the steam condensing on his skin, and he thinks of the way Harry’s hands felt on his waist. “I just feel bad about the whole situation.”
“I do too, but I think we both know that’s not what you’re thinking about.”
Louis makes his way to the other side of the counter and takes a seat with the mug clasped in his hands. Niall sits beside him and slides the coffee from his fingers to take a quick sip. Louis elbows him and takes the mug back, feeling the warmth spreading around his hands.
“I don’t even think he’s interested, to be honest. I feel like an idiot. You can practically scrape off the desperation from my skin at the rate I’m going.”
“See, that’s the thing with people,” Niall says, folding his hands on the countertop and focusing his eyes on the board. “You never know until you try. And I like the color of desperation on you. It makes your skin sparkle.”
Louis laughs and turns to Niall as he takes a sip. “But you don’t think it’s too soon?”
Niall shrugs. “I think it’s about time. The sooner you get over this whole Zayn thing, the better everyone will feel. Especially you.”
He looks at Niall and thinks about how long they went without having talks like these. Ever since Zayn came into the picture, their meetings were reduced to time spent at work and weekend lunches, but even then, they weren’t that many to begin with, and it’s a wonder how much they managed to stay the same and still know each other from inside out despite not seeing each other as much as they did before. And it makes him realize just how much he loves Niall.
“You think so?”
Niall nods and pulls him in for a hug, and Louis’s hands search for his back as he buries his face in his shoulder. Niall is warm and smells faintly of cologne-the one Louis got him for his birthday and he hasn’t stopped wearing it since-and Louis starts to laugh when he feels his eyes beginning to sting, and he presses his face further into his skin, wishing he can curl up inside him and just sleep there forever.
“I know so.”
::
Harry pushes his way inside One Way and the first thing he sees is Louis wiping his eyes with the back of his hand and making his way to the other side of the counter. Niall turns around when he hears the tinkling of the bell and a wide grin erupts in his face when he sees Harry, eyes glittering even in the distance. Harry nods hello and makes his way to them, eyes immediately searching for Louis to ask what’s wrong.
“Allergies,” Louis says with a smile, dabbing his nose with a napkin and sniffling. Harry smiles back and takes this moment to look at the bruise on his face-it’s been two days and the deep purple is softening, but still not completely gone. It’s smaller now, at least, and he expects it doesn’t sting as much. He brings a hand to touch his own bruise and Louis watches as he takes a sip from his mug.
“It’s looking much better already,” Louis says, setting the mug on the counter and wiping his lips with another napkin. Harry laughs, his face starting to flush.
“I can say the same for you,” Harry replies, and they look at each other for a moment before Niall decides to break the silence.
“Can we get anything for you, Harry?”
“A sandwich would be nice,” Harry says, turning to Niall, who’s already ambling over to join Louis in the back. “And a hot chocolate to go.”
The frown flashes on Louis’s face for a split second but Harry feels the disappointment. Louis clears his throat and turns around. “You’re not staying?”
“I can’t. I wanted to come in to tell you I’ve got the job before going there to start my training.”
“Oh, that’s great, congratulations!” Louis says, spinning to face Harry again with the sandwich he was working on earlier wrapped and ready to go. He hands it to Harry at the same time Niall finishes the hot chocolate, and Harry takes them both with a smile. “But training already?”
“Yeah, that’s exactly what I thought,” Harry says with a chuckle, taking his wallet out from his back pocket and pulling out a few bills. “But I guess the sooner I start working, the better.” He hands the money to Louis but he shakes his head and pushes his hand back.
“Mike says your next purchase is on the house so don’t worry.”
Harry grins and stuffs his wallet back in his pocket. “Well, tell Mike I said thanks, then.”
“Will do.”
Harry nods and waves goodbye, but before he walks out of the door, he turns around and tells Louis, “I’ll be over to have lunch later if it’s still your shift.”
Louis grins. “I’ll be here all day.”
Harry nods and with a flip of his hair, he walks out into the pavement and starts his way to Wonderland, face flushing and heart swelling with glee as he takes a large bite of his sandwich.
← chapter five ♕ chapter six ♕ chapter seven →
Pairings: Harry/Louis
Part: Chapter 6 of ?
Genre: AU, Romance
Rating: R
Summary: Harry and Louis live parallel lives where nothing much happens, but when the lines begin to intersect, they find themselves in situations bigger than either of them have ever bargained for.
♔ PROLOGUE || CHAPTER ONE || CHAPTER TWO || CHAPTER THREE || CHAPTER FOUR || CHAPTER FIVE
Chapter six
Louis thinks too much when he’s not talking.
He reckons he does it unconsciously to fill in the silence ringing in his ears, and probably because there isn’t much going on in his life but to think. Whatever the reason is, there’s always something filling his head, whether it comes from his lips or his brain, and right now, as he’s looking at the ceiling with his hands linked on his stomach and listening to the soft, deep snores Niall’s emitting next to him (he had climbed into Louis’s bed a few hours earlier after waking up from a bad dream), he’s thinking about the first time he talked to Zayn.
It’s raining when he pushes through the doors leading outside the school building and he silently berates himself for forgetting his umbrella. Everyone’s scurrying about with books and bags held over their heads (and umbrellas for the prepared) as their feet make splashes on the wet cement, and he has half a mind to just stand by the doors and wait out the rain like a sensible person would. He reckons he doesn’t have anything better to do at home. Watch a movie, maybe, or finish his homework, but nothing so important that he has to rush home. He sighs and sits down on the steps, hugging his rucksack and watching students disperse and dwindle. He spots some of his friends, including Niall, and waves at them. Niall stays and talks for a while until he gets a call from his mother saying she’s there, and he gives Louis a bump on the knuckle before scampering down the steps and running towards his mother’s car.
Fifteen minutes of boring surveillance pass and Louis sees a small group of people gathering and chatting about around a tree in the courtyard, and he stands up and cranes his neck to see what’s going on. Failing to see anything through the wall of bodies, he walks down the steps and makes his way to them. When he gets closer, one of the girls turns around with a large grin on her face and a tiny kitten cradled in her arms, talking excitedly with her friend, who’s petting an identical one. As moments pass, the rest start to move away, each with a kitten in their hands, and Louis is left curious, wondering who might have left them. After the last person leaves, he inches closer and sees a damp white box sitting against the tree, and, dropping down to a squat and peering inside, he finds a lone kitten curled up in a corner where the rain doesn’t reach, fur a faint auburn color, tiny little breaths making its chest rise and fall, sleeping. He looks around and, seeing no one, he reaches down and runs a finger down its back. Its entire body bristles and suddenly, it’s awake and staring at him with bright, blue eyes. He’s so enamored by the kitten that he doesn’t realize someone’s standing beside him, and it’s only when he hears the voice that he jumps and shoots up to his feet and finds himself face-to-face with Zayn Malik.
“You beat me to it,” he had said with a smile, and it takes a while for Louis to process the words because he’s too busy trying to get over the initial surprise. He gives Zayn a crooked smile, turns away, and squats back down, face tinting with pink. After all the years he’s admired him from afar, Louis has never been this close to him, and the rapid beating of his heart makes him forget that he’s getting drenched under the rain. Zayn moves closer and gets down until his umbrella’s covering the both of them, and Louis watches as he brings a hand to scratch the back of the kitten’s ear. “Forgot your umbrella?”
Louis nods, “Mhm,” as he brings a hand to scratch behind the other ear. He hears Zayn chuckle. “Likes the attention, don’t it?”
Louis looks at him from the corners of his eyes and takes his hand back. “You can have it if you want.”
Zayn shakes his head and picks it up. “Can’t. My mum’s allergic to fur. I only wanted to pet it, is all.” The kitten purrs in his hands and he gives it a soft kiss on the nose. Louis can’t help but watch.
“I wasn’t planning on taking it either,” Louis says with a shrug.
“You should, she looks so scared,” Zayn says, standing up and offering her. Louis gets up and looks at Zayn for a moment before taking her off his hands. Their skins brush together and Louis’s heart skips a beat, and he brings the kitten close to his heart and cradles it in his arm. Zayn watches and smiles until his eyes disappear, and rubs his thumb in the space between her eyes until she’s purring again.
“I think she likes you,” Louis says, almost coinciding with the words ‘I like you’ swimming restlessly in his head, and Zayn chuckles again.
“She’s a precious little thing,” Zayn says, hitching up his rucksack over his shoulder with his free hand. “Have you got a ride home?”
Louis shakes his head, keeping his eyes to the kitten. “I walk.”
“You’ll get sick in this weather, you know.”
Louis shrugs. “I was going to wait it out.”
“Let me walk you home then.”
Louis’s mind shuts down and it’s the first time he finds his brain not bustling with activity, and he stares at Zayn in disbelief, as if he had heard wrong or his ears were playing tricks on him. Zayn keeps his eyes to him expectantly and he feels the kitten stirring, and when he looks down, he sees it give a great yawn. He thinks his heartbeat’s the culprit because it’s throbbing against his chest, and when he lifts his head and meets Zayn’s eyes again, he can feel flames licking their way to his face under his skin.
“You-you don’t have to do that,” Louis stammers, embarrassment filling his bones. Zayn laughs and it sends shivers down his spine.
“I’ll sleep better tonight knowing she made it home safe without a fever.”
Louis gives a soft sigh and looks down on the ground. Of course it’s the cat.
“And I don’t want you getting a fever, too.”
Louis snaps his head back to him and he feels a smile curling the edges of his lips. Zayn stuffs his free hand in his pocket and taps the ground with the tip of his shoe. “So, what do you say?”
“I’d love it.” It escapes his throat before his mind wraps around the words and he’s sure Zayn heard the desperation in every syllable. But Zayn grins and his heart flips and turns and he hugs the kitten closer to his body because he doesn’t know what else to do.
“It’s Louis, right?” Zayn asks, and Louis likes the way his name sounds coming from his lips. He nods and looks at the hand Zayn’s offering.
“I’m Zayn.”
Louis sheepishly takes it with his own and he feels the coarseness of his skin. It sends a chill down to his toes and the handshake lasts longer than necessary, but Zayn doesn’t seem to mind, the smile on his face seemingly permanent. Louis smiles back and enjoys the warmth of Zayn’s fingers seeping into his skin.
“I know.”
“You’re doing it again.”
Niall’s voice drags him back to reality and his eyes are back to tracing patterns in the ceiling, a fading echo reverberating in his ears. The snoring’s stopped and he feels Niall shifting in his spot, making the bedsprings creak and making Jess dash down to the floor at the disturbance. Louis rips his gaze from the ceiling and turns his head to look at Niall, blue eyes gleaming even under the strips of moonlight spilling through the curtains.
“Doing what?”
“Humming that song.” Niall closes his eyes and turns his head to face the ceiling. “You were thinking about it again, weren’t you? When you got Jess?”
“No,” Louis denies, trying to remember if he had, indeed, been humming. “And what, you can read minds now?”
Niall chuckles under his breath and lightly elbows Louis’s side. Louis elbows back. “You always hum when you’re thinking about it. You told me yourself, remember?”
Louis shakes his head. “No, not really.”
Niall sighs and turns his body to face Louis. Louis keeps his eyes to the ceiling.
“You still miss him, don’t you?”
The words hit Louis hard and there’s a knot forming in his stomach. Zayn’s said and lied about a lot of things, but one thing that Louis knows without a shred of doubt is that Zayn truly did care for him. Even after he started drinking, he would tell Louis that he was the luckiest man alive and that he’d do anything to keep him by his side, and Louis knows that it’s not just drunken, empty nonsense that he forces out of his throat because he wants to keep Louis happy (because he’s said them when he was sober, too), as much as he convinces himself otherwise. His feelings might not have been as evident as they initially were at the start of their relationship, but Louis could still see bits and pieces of the old Zayn behind the ringed, bloodshot eyes coming home late at night with a bottle in his hand, and that the apologies and “I love you”s he whispers in Louis’s ears every night contain buds of truth held between each letter.
“I do,” Louis says under his breath.
“Even after everything?” Niall brings a hand and ghosts his fingers over the bruise healing under Louis’s eye. “Even after this?”
Louis takes Niall’s hand and slides it down the bed, holding it in the small space between them. “You wouldn’t understand.”
Niall closes his fingers over Louis’s and moves closer. “Help me to.”
Louis shakes his head and slides his hand from Niall’s grip, resting it on his stomach. “Go get some sleep. You’ve got a big day in store for you later.”
“Don’t remind me,” Niall says with a groan, twisting onto his back and sliding further under the covers until only his eyes remain visible. Louis can feel his eyelids getting heavier and he yawns, and in another moment, he feels Jess reclaiming her spot back against his foot between his legs. He smiles and gives her head a little tap with his toe through the blanket, and when he hears Niall’s snoring filling his ears once again, he feels the song, the one Zayn sang to him as he walked him home, making its way out of his throat in a series of low, delicate hums.
::
Harry’s never questioned his sexuality.
He knew he liked girls the moment he discovered that cooties weren’t real and that when they giggled and laughed at his jokes, it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. He loved the way their hips swayed when they walked, the way their breasts bounced, the way their legs stretched to forever, the way their lips felt pressing against his. And he’s had his fair share of girlfriends over the years and, even though none of them were ever really serious, he had fun and he’s never had eyes for the same sex.
That is, until Louis came along.
Harry can’t figure it out-can’t figure him out. For all intents and purposes, Louis is a generic boy-normal. He has hair like a boy, stubble like a boy, chest like a boy, hands like a boy-hell, he even smells like a boy. But looking closer, it’s not that streamlined, not that easy. There’s something about him that sticks. Maybe it’s the way he looks at him with those bright, blue eyes, the way lines poke themselves into the skin around his eyes when he laughs, or the feeling of his waist (so tight and fragile) in his hands. Maybe it’s none of them at all. But what he does know is that he’s starting to feel something for Louis, and he doesn’t know if it’s the right thing to do to make a move.
Sighing, he pats down his collar and moves away from the mirror, and he makes his way to the kitchen where Liam, his head bobbing to the music blasting through his earphones as he washes the dishes, has already cooked up a breakfast on the table. Harry takes a seat and pulls the plate closer to him, a long arm reaching for the pancakes.
“Excited for today?” Liam says so suddenly, Harry drops a pancake on the table. He didn’t even think Liam acknowledged him coming in.
“Just a little.”
“You’ve got a lot going on today, huh?” Liam says, putting the last dish in the drying rack and sitting opposite Harry. Harry nods and begins to cut the pancake in small pieces. He hears the clatter of silverware and looks up to see Liam working on a piece of sausage as he sets his iPod on the table. He looks back down and takes a small bite, and he doesn’t realize he’s forgotten the syrup until it’s halfway down his throat.
“You seem distracted,” Liam says after taking a sip of orange juice. Harry shrugs and reaches for the syrup bottle next to Liam’s arm. “Nerves?”
“Just been thinking,” Harry replies, and Liam watches him with curiosity. He shrugs in an attempt to drop the subject but Liam persists.
“About what? Come on, you can tell me.”
Harry sighs and looks at Liam, eyes burning with interest and lips curling into a small smile. Harry laughs and turns back to his pancake. He just can’t say no to Liam.
“Alright, alright,” Harry says, deciding then that he should just come out with it, that talking about it might help him stop the incessant thinking, help him forget. “It’s about Louis.”
Liam’s eyebrow shoots up at the name and he leans in, curiosity flaring from his skin. “What about Louis?”
“See, that’s what’s been bothering me,” Harry admits, dropping his fork and looking at Liam right in the eyes. He thinks about his next words for a few seconds, wanting to put it as simply as he can, but the words fail to come and he resigns with his back to the chair, folding his arms across his chest and sighing. “I just don’t know. I know I’m not gay but-I don’t know, something about Louis … attracts me. Do you know what I mean?”
Liam’s silent, eyes focused, unmoving, and after a few moments, he slumps back in his chair and gives a soft laugh.
“Sounds like you’ve got a big dilemma going on,” Liam says, his mouth stretching into a grin, and Harry creases his brows in confusion, nodding at his stating of the obvious.
“Yeah, I do. So have you got any advice?”
“You know what, mate,” Liam says, sitting up and stretching his arms into the air. “I’ve never cared much for labels and I don’t think you should, either. You like who you like, it’s as simple as that. If you like the person-well, go for it. No questions asked. No regrets.”
Harry listens attentively, propping himself on his elbow on the table. “You don’t think it’s too soon? I mean, I’ve only met the bloke two days ago and he just got out of a bad relationship and-” Harry takes a moment to realize what he’s just said and his eyes open wide, biting his tongue too late and watching Liam’s eyes narrow.
“A bad relationship?” Liam asks as though he had heard wrong, and Harry’s face starts to burn with guilt. He should have kept his mouth shut. “With Zayn? I don’t understand. What happened?”
“It-it’s not really my place to say,” Harry says, trying to sidestep past the issue and for a moment, he thinks there’s a sliver of hope that Liam might just leave it at that and move on. But after saying something that big, he’s going to need more than a sliver to push the issue behind the rug and change the subject. He sinks back in his chair as Liam burns holes in his eyes.
“Well, you’ve brought it up,” Liam says, voice firm but not angry, and Harry wishes more than anything that he can dissolve into the floor under his chair and hide there until Liam forgets about it. What is he supposed to say?
“I know,” Harry says, defeated, and he sits up straight and keeps his eyes on the table. “I didn’t mean to bring it up and I think that it’s best if you hear it from them but-”
At that moment, he feels his mobile vibrating in his pocket, and he quickly fishes it out and presses the green button, thankful for the temporary distraction.
“Hello?”
“Harry Styles? It’s Jenny from Wonderland Bakery.”
Harry holds up a finger and gets up from his seat, Liam watching him with disbelief. Harry excuses himself to the living room and he almost wants to thank her for calling at that very moment. Instead, he sits down on the sofa and says, “Oh, hi, Jenny. How are you?”
“Been better but there’s no use in complaining. And yourself?”
“Fine, thanks.”
“Good. So, about your employment. Are you free today?”
Harry’s taken aback by the suddenness and it takes him a few seconds to answer. “Well, I’ve got a performance tonight at eight but-”
“Excellent. So you’re free until then, am I correct?”
Harry can feel Jenny’s bluntness hitting his ears like hammers. “I-I suppose.”
“Great. Just come in as soon as you can and we can start on your training.”
“Training?” Harry didn’t really know how jobs worked but he thought there would at least be a few days’ notice before training starts. She didn’t even tell him that he’s got the job. Then again, Jenny doesn’t seem like the type of person to dilly-dally, and he supposes that the sooner he can start working, the better.
“Yes, boy, you’ve got the job. I’ll just talk to you later when you come in.”
Harry opens his mouth to say something but the line disconnects before the words leave his throat, and he stares at the mobile for a few moments before hopping up to his feet and making his way back to the kitchen.
“Well?” Liam asks, food untouched since Harry left to take the call, and Harry slides the mobile in his pocket.
“I’ve got the job.”
“Congratulations,” Liam says with a smile, and he leans over, waiting for Harry to say something. “And you were saying?”
“You know, she wants to me to go to the bakery as soon as I can,” Harry says, eyes pleading his apology, and when he turns around, he hears Liam call his name. He sighs and turns a quarter of the way, attention fixed on the sink.
“Come on, Harry, you can’t just leave me hanging.”
Harry lifts his head solemnly and looks at Liam, bracing himself and carefully picking out the words he wants to say. After a while, the silence starts to grate his ears, and he clears his throat and turns away once more. Liam watches on.
“Zayn’s been physically abusing Louis for a while. That’s why he left.”
Silence descends in the kitchen again and Harry can hear his breathing, emptiness filling his stomach. He still knows it wasn’t the right thing to do and he feels terrible for meddling, and he knows it’s not Liam’s fault, too, because he was just curious. It’s his fault for running his mouth where it shouldn’t be. But what’s done is done and he doesn’t see the look on Liam’s face or hear what he has to say because he’s dragging his feet back to his room to pick up his jumper, and he gives Liam a curt nod before slinging it over his shoulder and leaving the flat.
::
Louis is busying himself with a sandwich when Niall taps him on the shoulder.
“What are you doing?” Niall asks as he wipes down the counter. Louis shrugs and turns back to his sandwich, not really up to stating the obvious.
“What does it look like?”
“Looks like you’re making a sandwich for a ghost.”
“And by that you mean?”
Niall laughs and folds the towel. “I mean it’s ten o’clock in the morning and we have no customers. Even then, you just ate a few minutes ago and I didn’t ask for one so clearly, you’re making it for someone who’s not here.”
Louis stops what he’s doing and surveys the café. Niall’s right-the place is empty. Usually, they’d have at least five patrons at this hour sipping coffee or reading the morning paper, and it feels odd that they’re the only people in. The silence is deafening.
“Would you look at that,” Louis whispers and Niall’s next to him in a second, wrapping his arm around his shoulders and leaning in close to make sure Louis can hear him.
“Why are you thinking so much today?”
Louis looks at him with furrowed brows and he turns back to the sandwich, hoping the confusion sticks to Niall. “Thinking’s not that out of the ordinary, Ni. You should try it sometime, it’ll do you some good.”
“You’re so distracted though. And that whole thing with the humming earlier. You want to tell me what’s going on, Lou?”
Louis laughs and untangles himself from Niall to start up a batch of fresh coffee. Niall leans a hand on the back table and grips his hip with the other, and Louis can feel his eyes willing for him to look. “You’re the one with the master observational skills, you should know.”
“Well, I’ve been a bit rusty lately so I’d like for you to fill me in.”
A smile creeps on Louis’s lips and he locks eyes with Niall, whose eyes are bordering on interrogating.
“Alright, if you must know-”
“It’s about Harry, isn’t it?” Niall cuts in, eyes narrowing further as his smile grows wider, and Louis scoffs with a smile of his own, thoroughly entertained by the fact Niall knows him so well, their minds could be connected by an invisible cable transferring each and every thought until nothing’s hidden and everything’s laid out on the table. Niall never ceases to amaze him.
“Why on earth would you ask me if you already knew the answer, you twat,” Louis says, punching Niall on the shoulder.
“Well, it’s pretty obvious if you looked hard enough,” Niall says as if it’s the most apparent thing in the world, punching Louis back and running backwards to stay out of his reach. “You’ve been a bit loopy and distant ever since he came into the picture. Not that I blame you or anything ‘cause he’s a pretty good lad and I quite like him.”
“It’s not even like that, Ni,” Louis tells him, taking out the pot and pouring himself some coffee. He hovers a hand over the mug to feel the steam condensing on his skin, and he thinks of the way Harry’s hands felt on his waist. “I just feel bad about the whole situation.”
“I do too, but I think we both know that’s not what you’re thinking about.”
Louis makes his way to the other side of the counter and takes a seat with the mug clasped in his hands. Niall sits beside him and slides the coffee from his fingers to take a quick sip. Louis elbows him and takes the mug back, feeling the warmth spreading around his hands.
“I don’t even think he’s interested, to be honest. I feel like an idiot. You can practically scrape off the desperation from my skin at the rate I’m going.”
“See, that’s the thing with people,” Niall says, folding his hands on the countertop and focusing his eyes on the board. “You never know until you try. And I like the color of desperation on you. It makes your skin sparkle.”
Louis laughs and turns to Niall as he takes a sip. “But you don’t think it’s too soon?”
Niall shrugs. “I think it’s about time. The sooner you get over this whole Zayn thing, the better everyone will feel. Especially you.”
He looks at Niall and thinks about how long they went without having talks like these. Ever since Zayn came into the picture, their meetings were reduced to time spent at work and weekend lunches, but even then, they weren’t that many to begin with, and it’s a wonder how much they managed to stay the same and still know each other from inside out despite not seeing each other as much as they did before. And it makes him realize just how much he loves Niall.
“You think so?”
Niall nods and pulls him in for a hug, and Louis’s hands search for his back as he buries his face in his shoulder. Niall is warm and smells faintly of cologne-the one Louis got him for his birthday and he hasn’t stopped wearing it since-and Louis starts to laugh when he feels his eyes beginning to sting, and he presses his face further into his skin, wishing he can curl up inside him and just sleep there forever.
“I know so.”
::
Harry pushes his way inside One Way and the first thing he sees is Louis wiping his eyes with the back of his hand and making his way to the other side of the counter. Niall turns around when he hears the tinkling of the bell and a wide grin erupts in his face when he sees Harry, eyes glittering even in the distance. Harry nods hello and makes his way to them, eyes immediately searching for Louis to ask what’s wrong.
“Allergies,” Louis says with a smile, dabbing his nose with a napkin and sniffling. Harry smiles back and takes this moment to look at the bruise on his face-it’s been two days and the deep purple is softening, but still not completely gone. It’s smaller now, at least, and he expects it doesn’t sting as much. He brings a hand to touch his own bruise and Louis watches as he takes a sip from his mug.
“It’s looking much better already,” Louis says, setting the mug on the counter and wiping his lips with another napkin. Harry laughs, his face starting to flush.
“I can say the same for you,” Harry replies, and they look at each other for a moment before Niall decides to break the silence.
“Can we get anything for you, Harry?”
“A sandwich would be nice,” Harry says, turning to Niall, who’s already ambling over to join Louis in the back. “And a hot chocolate to go.”
The frown flashes on Louis’s face for a split second but Harry feels the disappointment. Louis clears his throat and turns around. “You’re not staying?”
“I can’t. I wanted to come in to tell you I’ve got the job before going there to start my training.”
“Oh, that’s great, congratulations!” Louis says, spinning to face Harry again with the sandwich he was working on earlier wrapped and ready to go. He hands it to Harry at the same time Niall finishes the hot chocolate, and Harry takes them both with a smile. “But training already?”
“Yeah, that’s exactly what I thought,” Harry says with a chuckle, taking his wallet out from his back pocket and pulling out a few bills. “But I guess the sooner I start working, the better.” He hands the money to Louis but he shakes his head and pushes his hand back.
“Mike says your next purchase is on the house so don’t worry.”
Harry grins and stuffs his wallet back in his pocket. “Well, tell Mike I said thanks, then.”
“Will do.”
Harry nods and waves goodbye, but before he walks out of the door, he turns around and tells Louis, “I’ll be over to have lunch later if it’s still your shift.”
Louis grins. “I’ll be here all day.”
Harry nods and with a flip of his hair, he walks out into the pavement and starts his way to Wonderland, face flushing and heart swelling with glee as he takes a large bite of his sandwich.
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