Blueberry
Title: Blueberry
Author: etgoddess
Fandom: Original Series
Pairing(s): OC/OC
Rating: R
Summary: Because the only thing worse than losing something that meant the world to you is pretending that you lost nothing.
Author's Note: An original one-shot. Music credit goes to Ed Sheeran's Small Bump. Cross-posted to Fiction Press.
The bump
(the blueberry)
becomes your world when you’re not looking,
(feeding it, soothing it, guarding it)
Begging it for mercy when you just want to sleep.
And you tell him,
(Mommy and Daddy love you very much)
And you rationalize,
(but we want to be able to spoil the crap out of you and we just can’t do that right now)
And you assure,
(I can’t wait to meet you in a few years when we can)
And you explain,
(so you’re just gonna go back up to the waiting room in the sky for a little while)
And you promise,
(Mommy’s gonna miss you everyday)
And you’re grateful,
(thank you for being so good to me)
And you’re sorry,
(I’m so sorry, baby, you didn’t do anything wrong)
And you didn’t think you could love anything on this Earth with the singular, protective, utter commitment you feel for this tiny blueberry.
And you talk and you talk and you rub
(and you’re sure this is doing more for you than for him)
But you feel like you owe this little ball of perfection an explanation with his perfect heartbeat and perfect little gummy bear limbs and his preference for his Daddy’s voice
(that has the power to abolish blueberry-induced nausea faster than any drug in the pharmaceutical world)
It’s not a choice you want to make but you want to give him the world
(and the truth is you can’t even give him a home right now)
You want him to understand that you want him
(more than you want your next breath)
But you want to give him a life without worry, without stress, without wondering if there will be food on the table
You want him to know that you have to do this because you love him like that.
And you say him like you know, but you have no idea
(and if there was truly Karma in this world, Daddy would be cursed with all daughters)
And even when you’re not holding him anymore,
you’ll still carry him with you
(in the ring on your finger, engraved with his name; in the corridor of your heart where you’ve packed away his nursery)
For now
(with his pictures, and his paperwork, and his tiny baby hats)
In your eyes, your heart, your soul when you look to the sky and ask him to watch over Daddy and Grandpa
(because they need your tiny angel guidance more than me)
When you tuck away his page in the Book of Life so carefully embossed with the mouthful you’ll write on his birth certificate someday.
And it’s easier if you think of it as someday and not goodbye
(easy is a relative term when you’re giving up a piece of yourself)
A piece of the man who will give your son his eyes, his trademark deviance, and his mother a heart attack when he decides he wants to ride the street bike too
(like Daddy does)
Little blueberry
(little bump)
Little hole in your heart
(that keeps waiting for someday)
Mommy and Daddy love you very much.
Author: etgoddess
Fandom: Original Series
Pairing(s): OC/OC
Rating: R
Summary: Because the only thing worse than losing something that meant the world to you is pretending that you lost nothing.
Author's Note: An original one-shot. Music credit goes to Ed Sheeran's Small Bump. Cross-posted to Fiction Press.
The bump
(the blueberry)
becomes your world when you’re not looking,
(feeding it, soothing it, guarding it)
Begging it for mercy when you just want to sleep.
And you tell him,
(Mommy and Daddy love you very much)
And you rationalize,
(but we want to be able to spoil the crap out of you and we just can’t do that right now)
And you assure,
(I can’t wait to meet you in a few years when we can)
And you explain,
(so you’re just gonna go back up to the waiting room in the sky for a little while)
And you promise,
(Mommy’s gonna miss you everyday)
And you’re grateful,
(thank you for being so good to me)
And you’re sorry,
(I’m so sorry, baby, you didn’t do anything wrong)
And you didn’t think you could love anything on this Earth with the singular, protective, utter commitment you feel for this tiny blueberry.
And you talk and you talk and you rub
(and you’re sure this is doing more for you than for him)
But you feel like you owe this little ball of perfection an explanation with his perfect heartbeat and perfect little gummy bear limbs and his preference for his Daddy’s voice
(that has the power to abolish blueberry-induced nausea faster than any drug in the pharmaceutical world)
It’s not a choice you want to make but you want to give him the world
(and the truth is you can’t even give him a home right now)
You want him to understand that you want him
(more than you want your next breath)
But you want to give him a life without worry, without stress, without wondering if there will be food on the table
You want him to know that you have to do this because you love him like that.
And you say him like you know, but you have no idea
(and if there was truly Karma in this world, Daddy would be cursed with all daughters)
And even when you’re not holding him anymore,
you’ll still carry him with you
(in the ring on your finger, engraved with his name; in the corridor of your heart where you’ve packed away his nursery)
For now
(with his pictures, and his paperwork, and his tiny baby hats)
In your eyes, your heart, your soul when you look to the sky and ask him to watch over Daddy and Grandpa
(because they need your tiny angel guidance more than me)
When you tuck away his page in the Book of Life so carefully embossed with the mouthful you’ll write on his birth certificate someday.
And it’s easier if you think of it as someday and not goodbye
(easy is a relative term when you’re giving up a piece of yourself)
A piece of the man who will give your son his eyes, his trademark deviance, and his mother a heart attack when he decides he wants to ride the street bike too
(like Daddy does)
Little blueberry
(little bump)
Little hole in your heart
(that keeps waiting for someday)
Mommy and Daddy love you very much.