A double drabble and a half :)

[ethereal_hobbit]

A few days ago I was exchanging emails with dear periantari, and she sent me a sweet drabble. It was inspired by one of my first lines (from the drabble meme a while ago). And I hope she will post it in her LJ, after the stress of the finals is over. *hugs PA* I wanted to write something for her in return, but it did turn out to be a double drabble and a

Comments

[periantari]

i will win this bet ..hehe oh precioussssss yes i will >=)
we lovesss this and we know you know ;)
::hugsyou::

[ethereal_hobbit]

i will win this bet ..hehe oh precioussssss yes i will >=)

We will see, Preciousss. Oh yes. We will see. ;p

*huggles you back* <3

[ethereal_hobbit]

I'm winning! I'm WINNING!

:D

[lame_pegasus]

Perhaps better: ...leaving promises, glittering on the surface of the sunlit waters.
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Frodo's face shone bright, filled with the light radiating from the Phial. The darkness of the night had no power over the shimmer that now embraced this soul.

Perhaps you should change one word: ... the darkness of the night had no power over the gloriole that now embraced his soul.
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And one last thing:

There was a sigh, and fresh tears were flowing.

perhaps better: He sighed deeply, and fresh tears began to flow/ were streaming down his face.
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I'm just translating chapter 5...!

[ethereal_hobbit]

Thank you! I'm considering the third one for the WIP version. :)

*hugs you*

[lily_the_hobbit]

Oh, that's beautiful!

Where have you learned the elvish phrases?

[ethereal_hobbit]

I googled on Elvish translations; in fact, there are many sites showing up. ;) And Janet once gave me some links, too. Will post them in a later comment! :)

Thanks for reading! <3

[gentlehobbit]

I like this. Hopeful, filled with light... I can see that light breaking through from the clouds so strongly in this. Lovely!

And... I got it! I thought that it was from "Tho' in Distant Lands We Sigh". :D

I have a couple of suggestions, though, for you.

though tightening the bands in his mind.

Perhaps you mean bonds? Perhaps strengthening the bonds is more what you might be looking for?

and with one last gaze to the East, he finally turned to face the new age.

“Cuio vae...“, he breathed.

I also suggest that you might want to change this to having Frodo say farewell before he "faces the new age". After all, it is what is behind him that he is saying farewell to, right?

[ethereal_hobbit]

Wow... thanks! :)

I've considered your suggestions... and took them over. :)

Thank you!

[shirebound]

Oh wow.

They were keeping distance, as not to disturb the Halfling who was bidding his farewell to his home, breaking the closeness to his friends, though tightening the bands in his mind. Evermore, never to be forgotten.

Frodo's face shone bright, filled with the light radiating from the Phial. The darkness of the night had no power over the shimmer that now embraced this soul.

He would be graced, and surrounded by love and warmth. His heart was filled with wonder, and with one last gaze to the East, he finally turned to face the new age.

Stunning. Utterly stunning.

[ethereal_hobbit]

Wow... your reaction is utterly stunning, too! :D

Thank you! I was worrying in fact, if I should this unbeta-ed, or not. ;)