(no subject)
Today I met my first dying person.
Obviously, technically, everyone is dying. And people in hospital are probably dying faster than most. I can accept that. I've probably met people who have died a few days later.
But today, I met a man with motor neurone disease. He was struggling to breathe and swallow, and he will be dead in a matter of months. He's in his mid-50s and he looked 75 at least; pale, wasted and grey. He didn't bring this on himself, like your average COPD patient (for example). He was just a normal person and then suddenly a year ago he has a weakness in his right hand. Now, he's paralysed, he can hardly breathe, and in the next couple of months his breathing will fail, his heart will fail, and he will die. And there is not a thing anyone can do about it except make him comfortable.
I know that death is something I have to accept, and I can deal with that. But it was just a little weird, for the first time, to sit and chat to someone you know is not long for this world. It will get easier, it will become routine, and in a way, that makes me sad.
It is not pleasant to compare patients. I do not wish to say that someone who has COPD does not deserve the same treatment and respect as someone with asthma. I don't want to say that having caused your own illness means that you are somehow less deserving of respect and sorrow. But when we had finished talking to the man with motor neurone disease, we moved on to a man with COPD. Mid 50s again, smoked 60 a day all his life, and now he can't breathe. But he won't die. His airways can be kept open, he can be kept breathing for years. It's going to take a lot of resources, but he'll live a few years yet.
I don't want to say that it isn't fair. I don't want to say that because the second man smoked himself into hospital, he should die first, because I don't believe that. Everyone deserves fair and equal treatment, regardless of what they've done to themselves. As a self harmer, a smoker, a med student, a person, I can't not believe that. I suppose what I want is to say that it seems unfair to have a cure or at least a treatment for one thing and not the other.
The thing is, it's hard, it's really hard not to look at the poor guy with MND and think 'that's not fair'. MND is something which just happens. We don't know why, and we can't fix it.
I'm rambling now, I've lost sight of my point. I suppose that all I really wanted to say was that it made me sad. I've never before met someone who was definitely, inevitably, imminently going to die, through no fault of his own. It was quite strange.
Obviously, technically, everyone is dying. And people in hospital are probably dying faster than most. I can accept that. I've probably met people who have died a few days later.
But today, I met a man with motor neurone disease. He was struggling to breathe and swallow, and he will be dead in a matter of months. He's in his mid-50s and he looked 75 at least; pale, wasted and grey. He didn't bring this on himself, like your average COPD patient (for example). He was just a normal person and then suddenly a year ago he has a weakness in his right hand. Now, he's paralysed, he can hardly breathe, and in the next couple of months his breathing will fail, his heart will fail, and he will die. And there is not a thing anyone can do about it except make him comfortable.
I know that death is something I have to accept, and I can deal with that. But it was just a little weird, for the first time, to sit and chat to someone you know is not long for this world. It will get easier, it will become routine, and in a way, that makes me sad.
It is not pleasant to compare patients. I do not wish to say that someone who has COPD does not deserve the same treatment and respect as someone with asthma. I don't want to say that having caused your own illness means that you are somehow less deserving of respect and sorrow. But when we had finished talking to the man with motor neurone disease, we moved on to a man with COPD. Mid 50s again, smoked 60 a day all his life, and now he can't breathe. But he won't die. His airways can be kept open, he can be kept breathing for years. It's going to take a lot of resources, but he'll live a few years yet.
I don't want to say that it isn't fair. I don't want to say that because the second man smoked himself into hospital, he should die first, because I don't believe that. Everyone deserves fair and equal treatment, regardless of what they've done to themselves. As a self harmer, a smoker, a med student, a person, I can't not believe that. I suppose what I want is to say that it seems unfair to have a cure or at least a treatment for one thing and not the other.
The thing is, it's hard, it's really hard not to look at the poor guy with MND and think 'that's not fair'. MND is something which just happens. We don't know why, and we can't fix it.
I'm rambling now, I've lost sight of my point. I suppose that all I really wanted to say was that it made me sad. I've never before met someone who was definitely, inevitably, imminently going to die, through no fault of his own. It was quite strange.