For I am Eryn, Queen of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me.
About a year and a half ago, right after I first moved back to Austin, J and I went to lunch at my grandmother's house. My sister and her new fiance were there also, and much discussion took place involving their wedding plans. Several questions were volleyed at me with regards to when J and I would be making that step. Lots of mumbling and deflecting took place. Driving home, I mustered up the courage to begin an honest conversation about where things were headed with us. We'd been dating for four years at that point and living together for two of them. He said he thought he'd be ready in another year or so.
A few months ago we began talking about it seriously. He mentioned that I should be looking at venues and thinking about what I wanted, but hadn't officially asked me to marry him. I knew from previous conversation that at one point he had asked his mother for a family heirloom ring for me, but that the piece had been lost. I had insisted for a long time that I didn't need or want an expensive ring, and that I'd be fine with a lab-created diamond. I felt they were the same as the real thing. On Thanksgiving, J's mom was wearing a lab diamond she had made to replace the aforementioned heirloom piece, and J examined it at length. I suggested that maybe the next day we should go look at the real thing, to see if there was really any difference.
So we went. When the salesman at the first store asked if we are married or planning on getting married, I looked to J, who responded that we are planning. We got lots of good information and moved on to a second store, where we found a fantastic deal on a ring I loved so much I didn't want to take it off. The salesgirl asked if he wanted to apply for financing and he said, "I think today we're just looking." But I was elated. I had jello brain for the next two days. I spent last night with a friend at a coffee shop looking at dresses online.
When he came home last night I decided I should check in with him on this whole thing. Are we actually planning here? Should we be setting dates and taking trips to check out places? We discussed in detail how we wanted the actual event to go, but both of us were using all these euphemisms and dancing around things. He basically said he feels like it's premature to set a date or "tell people." In discussion of the actual event I said October would be a good time, and in my head that meant next October. Evidently he meant more like two years from now.
Two frickin' years! I'll be 29. I'm already very insecure about my age being a factor in all this. At some point you simply become too old to plan this whole affair with diamonds and dresses and flowers dancing and all and you just have to go to City Hall in a smart suit on a Tuesday or whatever and have understated gold bands. And we're approaching that point. When you've been dating for half a decade having a wedding seems a bit silly. If I've been a live-in girlfriend for half a decade (which I would be, at 29), it's entirely preposterous. Not to mention that you can't plan events two freaking years in advance. Everything can change in two years. The dress I like or the suit he wants may be discontinued. Venues close. Bands that are local and entirely possible to hire become too big and expensive to hire. Family and friends can move, be deployed, pass away. And if we've already been dating for like a quarter-century, what does he need two more years for? Is he not sure? What the hell?!
So now, basically, I feel like a giant idiot. And like a stereotypical, wedding-obsessed harpie. I guess I got carried away, and thought things were more serious than they actually are. I am thinking living together just makes everything confusing. If we're just dating, I need some clarification and compartmentalization. I have always maintained that my epitaph will read "I should have known better." Maybe it will need to be expanded to include "I should have listened to my father."
A few months ago we began talking about it seriously. He mentioned that I should be looking at venues and thinking about what I wanted, but hadn't officially asked me to marry him. I knew from previous conversation that at one point he had asked his mother for a family heirloom ring for me, but that the piece had been lost. I had insisted for a long time that I didn't need or want an expensive ring, and that I'd be fine with a lab-created diamond. I felt they were the same as the real thing. On Thanksgiving, J's mom was wearing a lab diamond she had made to replace the aforementioned heirloom piece, and J examined it at length. I suggested that maybe the next day we should go look at the real thing, to see if there was really any difference.
So we went. When the salesman at the first store asked if we are married or planning on getting married, I looked to J, who responded that we are planning. We got lots of good information and moved on to a second store, where we found a fantastic deal on a ring I loved so much I didn't want to take it off. The salesgirl asked if he wanted to apply for financing and he said, "I think today we're just looking." But I was elated. I had jello brain for the next two days. I spent last night with a friend at a coffee shop looking at dresses online.
When he came home last night I decided I should check in with him on this whole thing. Are we actually planning here? Should we be setting dates and taking trips to check out places? We discussed in detail how we wanted the actual event to go, but both of us were using all these euphemisms and dancing around things. He basically said he feels like it's premature to set a date or "tell people." In discussion of the actual event I said October would be a good time, and in my head that meant next October. Evidently he meant more like two years from now.
Two frickin' years! I'll be 29. I'm already very insecure about my age being a factor in all this. At some point you simply become too old to plan this whole affair with diamonds and dresses and flowers dancing and all and you just have to go to City Hall in a smart suit on a Tuesday or whatever and have understated gold bands. And we're approaching that point. When you've been dating for half a decade having a wedding seems a bit silly. If I've been a live-in girlfriend for half a decade (which I would be, at 29), it's entirely preposterous. Not to mention that you can't plan events two freaking years in advance. Everything can change in two years. The dress I like or the suit he wants may be discontinued. Venues close. Bands that are local and entirely possible to hire become too big and expensive to hire. Family and friends can move, be deployed, pass away. And if we've already been dating for like a quarter-century, what does he need two more years for? Is he not sure? What the hell?!
So now, basically, I feel like a giant idiot. And like a stereotypical, wedding-obsessed harpie. I guess I got carried away, and thought things were more serious than they actually are. I am thinking living together just makes everything confusing. If we're just dating, I need some clarification and compartmentalization. I have always maintained that my epitaph will read "I should have known better." Maybe it will need to be expanded to include "I should have listened to my father."