Comments | etoanshirdlu: Creative Endeavors

etoanshirdlu

Creative Endeavors

Mar 21, 2006 00:02

This story ate up a bunch of time today that should have been spent doing "real work" (read: studying for the exam tomorrow and finishing the nearly a week late paper), but I'm still rather pleased with it, and thought that since it's relatively short I would slap it up here and see how it reads. If you wouldn't mind spending 20 miniutes on ( Read more... )

Comments 3

thoughtsuffix March 21 2006, 07:13:03 UTC

As is my function, I'll offer a single piece of technical criticism: In the second to last paragraph, the sentence "Was the nimblest in the place . . ." should probably be "She was the nimblest dancer," since the rest of the short story is phrased so precisely.

etoanshirdlu March 21 2006, 08:44:18 UTC

Thanks for the heads-up. What'd you think of it otherwise?

thoughtsuffix March 22 2006, 01:30:52 UTC

I felt I needed a second read-through to offer real feedback, and I like it. It (the story) made me ask "How is it that she can live forever?" but after a few paragraphs, it becomes clear that such a question isn't the focus, but rather "How does one deal with living forever?" And then it shows that, in the end, such defense mechanisms are not ironclad. The eloquence and preciseness of the writing makes for a good, steady flow, no awkwardness, no confusion. And the calm, collected, almost passive narration lends to the force and shock of the conclusion.

All in all, bravo. I've no suggestions or criticisms.