The Rise and Fall... Epilogue
A/N: I just wanna thank all of you for following this story and keeping me motivated along the way. Your reviews have been a wonderful source of encouragement for me. I think I didn't realise how much invested I would become in this story and how difficult it would be to keep the rythm until the end but I wanted to finish it before Christmas and I did it. *cheers*
None of this would have been possible without the help of my beta and friend disneymagics who is posting a really great story right now and who had to keep up with my story as well. English is not my first language, so she has a lot of work to do beta'ing for me, and she does it like a pro. She's very dear to me.
So, that's it, the epilogue -I think I may have gone a little over the top with the schmoop but there, you've been warned.
Happy holidays to all of you.
Joyeux Noël et Bonne Année!
Little Star
::: :::
Epilogue
The Man who Sold the World
July 30 is Jared’s 25th birthday. He wakes up to the smell of pastries cooking and follows it to the kitchen.
There is flour everywhere, even in Jensen’s mussed up hair, and he kisses him before attacking the cinnamon buns made just for him. It’s going to be a rainy day. Thunder is already rumbling from far away and a cool breeze is coming from the open window. It feels good after a whole week of hot, humid temperatures.
“Happy birthday,” Jensen mumbles, raising an eyebrow as Jared tries his best to inhale his cinnamon bun in one big mouthful. “I take it you like your birthday breakfast.”
“Awshome,” Jared says around the dough. He swallows and takes the coffee cup Jensen hands him before he settles down at the counter.
Jensen sits in front of him and puts a small wrapped box between them.
“I get to have my present already?”
“Yeah, go on.”
As excited as a little kid, Jared unwraps the box in a matter of seconds and opens it, only to find what looks like a small nasal decongestant spray bottle. “What… Huh… Thanks?”
“It’s terrific, isn’t it?” Jensen smiles mischievously.
“Yeah it’s…” Jared takes the bottle in his hand and sees it’s a prescription drug with Jensen’s name written on it. He tries to read the small characters. “Midazolam.”
“Stop looking so stunned!” Jensen laughs and takes the bottle in his hands. “It’s Versed, used to treat acute seizures.”
“Okay…”
“Last appointment with my doc, we decided to try this instead of the intra-rectal valium, you know, since last time…”
Jared shivers despite himself. Last time had been two weeks ago. Jensen had had a general seizure serious enough for Jared to use the valium. Even then, it had taken three minutes after he’d administered the drug for the seizure to stop. The ambulance had been on the way. It could’ve been worse, Jared knows. Since Jensen’s status epilepticus back in November, his neurologist has decided that waiting five minutes is too dangerous for him, and the valium has to be given after only two minutes of seizure. Jared has administered it three times in the last seven months.
“So, this could work better?”
“Maybe. And you won’t have to shove anything up my ass anymore -at least, nothing I don’t want to be shoved up there- because this goes through the nose.”
“Wow, you’re such a romantic. Best birthday present ever.”
“It’s not really your birthday present, you dork.”
“No?” Jared winks at him. “Are we talking about a birthday blow-job?”
Jensen leans in and kisses him quickly on the mouth. “Well, there’s that, but I have another surprise for you. I’m taking you out tonight.”
“Oh? Where?”
“You’ll see.”
“But you’re telling me this now and I have to wait the whole day? How am I supposed to do that?”
“You’ll manage.”
“I hate you.”
“You love me.”
“I do.”
Jared grabs another cinnamon bun and hums around a mouthful. It’s going to be a great day. He can feel it.
::: :::
Less than an hour later, Jensen is undressed and lying over the covers of their bed, his cock already hard and curving up toward his stomach. Jared is lying on his side, propped up on an elbow and playing lazily with Jensen’s nipples while peppering his face with kisses. Jensen grunts and weakly tries to push him away.
“This is.. hun… not how it’s supposed to go. It’s your birthday, remember?”
Jared shuts him up with a kiss and drags his fingers down Jensen’s stomach until he’s brushing them over his dick, which gives a hopeful twitch. He wraps his hand around the shaft.
“Wanna make you come first,” Jared pleads his cause with a good stroke from root to tip. “You know how I like to see you losing it. It’s my birthday, I can do whatever I want.”
“You won’t hear me complaining,”
Jared plays with Jensen as long as he can until his boyfriend is a moaning, shivering mess. His legs are parted as far as he can get them and his feet are planted firmly on the mattress while Jared is fingering him slowly. He now has three fingers scissoring and stroking Jensen’s insides, brushing against his prostate without really stroking it. His own dick is hard and leaking, balls drawn up, ready to burst as he looks at Jensen’s red face, his mouth parted on constant moans and his eyes squeezed shut, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.
“God, I can’t… Need to come, wanna come Jared, please,” he rasps, moving his hips to fuck himself deeper on Jared’s fingers.
His hands are gripping the bed posts like Jared had asked him to a few minutes earlier. He’s visibly struggling to leave them there but he doesn’t let go. Jared is stroking his cock with light, soft strokes that aren’t quite enough to make him come.
“Sure you don’t want me to play some more?“
Jensen raises his head, managing to look seriously pissed and blissed out at the same time. “Sure you don’t want me to kill you?”
“Okay, baby. Let me see how you come so pretty for me,”
“We’re not in a porn movie, you do realise that?”
“Hey, you taught me all I know about dirty talk.” Jared smiles and tightens his grip on Jensen’s cock, starting a quick rhythm.
“Damn,” Jensen groans, his head falling back on the pillow. “That’s it. Yeah… Fuck, Jared. Ah… yeah, won’t last long.”
Jared never turns his eyes away from Jensen’s face as he goes on, jerking him off and aiming straight for the prostate with his other hand, following the same rhythm. He sees the redness of his boyfriend’s cheeks getting darker, the beads of sweat forming on his forehead. Jensen’s lips are tightening into this round shape, like they do every time. And that’s it. The moans and curses shift to high-pitched rhythmic little “oh’s” that Jared loves. They get louder and louder until Jensen’s hips start moving erratically. Then all the muscles of his body tense, his back arches and he warns with a chocked off, “I’m c-coming…” before he starts shaking, long thick spurts of semen erupting from his cock.
The sight of it all, the feeling of Jensen’s inner muscles clenching so tightly around his fingers, is too much to take. Jared feels his own orgasm rising way too soon, deep down in his belly. He barely has the time to give himself one clumsy stroke before he comes with a surprised hoarse cry, body shaking so hard he collapses on Jensen’s thighs, head tucked in the small dip of his hipbone.
“God,” he whispers, the smell of their combined release assailing his nostrils and his over-sensitive dick trying its best not to go soft.
“Hey! “ Jensen protests, rising on his elbows. “What about the blow-job?”
“We have all day,” Jared mumbles against his skin.
Jensen grins. They do have all day.
::: :::
“You know, it’s kind of lame, you having to drive to your own birthday surprise.”
“Naw… Just tell me where to go. Fancy restaurant? Oh! That little place with the ribs that-“
“The Cabin.”
“The Cabin? The bar?”
“Yeah.”
Jared grins and starts the car. “Look at you, going all romantic on my ass. That’s where we had our first date.”
“It is.”
“Six in the evening is a little early for hanging out in a bar.”
“I know, right?”
Jensen’s smile is mischievous, his eyes are crinkling behind his glasses, but there’s something more. He’s been nervous and fidgety for the better part of the afternoon, enough for Jared to keep a close eye on him, looking for any early signs that he might go into seizure, but he looks like he’s holding his own.
It takes them more than fifteen minutes to drive to The Cabin because of the downpour. Rain is falling hard, wind is buffeting the car and thunder is still rumbling far off in the distance.
“Hope we don’t have a power outage,” Jensen murmurs as Jared finds a parking spot near The Cabin’s entrance.
“Why?”
“Because that would suck, don’t you think?”
“Okay.” Jared turns off the engine. “I’m ready for my surprise.”
“Yeah. Let’s just hope it turns out alright.” Jensen blushes over his lightly tanned skin. They’d spend the second week of July in Richardson and Jensen’s freckles had blossomed all over his nose and cheeks. Jared leans toward him and kisses the tip of his nose.
“You’re such a dork,” Jensen mumbles. “Okay, let’s do this.”
Jared doesn’t have the faintest idea of what’s waiting for him. Probably a couple tables joined at the back of the bar, a few of his friends and maybe his family. That’s more than enough. Jensen’s right here with him, isn’t he?
What Jared finds instead is a bar packed full of people he knows. There must be at least thirty familiar faces, all of them standing and waiting for him. There is whistling and cheering, deafening applause. Jared stands there, mouth wide open, while Jensen starts applauding as well, smiling so widely that his eyes are reduced to green slits.
“What did you do? Reserve the whole bar?”
“As a matter of fact, I did,” Jensen answers. “Hey, it’s a Monday. The bar wouldn’t have had much more than a couple of customers anyway. They owners were thrilled.”
“You’re awesome. Love you,” Jared practically has to scream to be heard over the noise, dragging Jensen toward him and kissing him hard on the mouth, setting off a new bout of clapping and cheering.
Jensen, who isn’t much into pda, blushes until his skin feels hot against Jared’s mouth and softly pushes him back, clapping him on the shoulders. “Come on, birthday boy. They’re all waiting for you.”
And it’s true. Jared makes his way through the small crowd, trying to say hi to everyone. There are Misha and Victoria, heavily pregnant and looking so beautiful. She’s two weeks away from her due date. She and Misha had refused to find out the baby’s gender and there is a pool going on at the Café. Jared has bet on a girl. He suspects Jensen to have picked a boy just so he can rub it in his face, in case he is right.
There are Mark and Gen and most of his coworkers from the community center. Mark has an arm over Genevieve’s shoulders, but Jared doesn’t have the time to analyse what he’s seeing because it’s his mother’s turn to take him in her arms, eyes shining bright as she wishes him a happy birthday. His father gives him a manly clap on the shoulder, then Jared is dragged along farther amongst some of the café’s employees and god… Is that Chad? Smiling almost shyly is a little boy who can’t be more than two years old, holding his hand tight and looking around with wide eyes.
“Can’t believe it!” Jared thinks he might sprain a muscle if he keeps smiling this wide. He hasn’t seen his old friend for more than three years. And there’s a pretty brunette standing beside him who can be none other than the boy’s mother. “God, you owe me some fucking explanation,” Jared tells him and Chad winks at him. They’ll have to talk. Later.
Because there is one last group standing a little apart from the others. Women from the Shelter. Some of whom he’d helped to pick up their shattered lives. There are five of them, and in the middle stands Felicia holding Jessie in her arms. Jared has kept in close contact with her since Stewart’s trial. Her ex-husband is going to spend the next eight years in jail. Felicia has moved on since then. She is back in her house and has gone on with her life. Very little trace of the brutal attack she’d sustained from her ex-husband is left on her face, just a light bump on the bridge of her nose and an almost indiscernible asymmetry between her two cheekbones.
“Look I have a dwess!” Jessie tells him, wriggling in her mother’s arms. “And mommy bought you a big, big, book!”
“Jessie, you’re not supposed to tell,” Felicia protests, cheeks getting as red as her hair.
“You’re the prettiest girl in the bar,” Jared tells Jessie, kissing her on the cheek. The little girl grimaces and rubs at her skin vigorously.
Somehow, Jared finds himself sitting at one end of the table with Jensen, Misha, Vic and his parents by his side. There are large plates of nachos on the table, he has a beer in front of him and is trying his best to speak with everybody while stuffing his mouth full.
“So?” Jensen asks. “Is this alright?”
“You did all this, Jensen? I can’t believe it. I never suspect…”
“Misha and your mom helped.”
“I’m never gonna let you go, you know that?”
Jensen smiles but there is something serious and thoughtful in his bright eyes, something that tells Jared he has every intention of holding on to him as well.
Then the lights on the small stage go up.
“There’s the rest of my surprise,” Jensen tells him as two men climb on the stage.
Chris and Steve. Jared hasn’t seen them since that night back in November when a drunken Christian had knocked on Jensen’s door, but he’d never forgotten them. He shakes his head in disbelief as the guys settle on the stage with their guitars strapped on.
“Whoa, Jensen, really?”
“Meh. They were the only band available,” Jensen jokes, “but they promised to drop their country act for the night and do those folks songs you like so much.”
Then, Christian takes control of the stage, the mic in his hands, roaring at the small crowd as if there are a thousand of them and starting with a hard core version of Happy Birthday. Jensen rolls his eyes, but he’s happy, Jared can tell.
He leans back and listens to the show.
At some point during the evening, he’s on his third beer and he’s not drunk, but he’s feeling relaxed and at ease. People shift around him, picking up conversations, giving him gifts. In front of the joined table, Jessie and Chad’s kid are dancing like an old couple. Not too far from him, his mother is giving Victoria some tips on how to induce labor. And Jared realises Jensen isn’t by his side anymore. Vaguely worried, he looks all around without seeing him. He stands up. It’s been a long day for Jensen. Lots of stress. He doesn’t like it when he doesn’t know where he is.
Things have changed for them since Jensen’s grand mal seizure in December. The new med he’s been taking has improved things, much to his boyfriend’s surprise. There are practically no absences anymore, and the partial seizures tend to happen less often and to be shorter. His neurologist has increased the dosage of the new drug and may decide to lower the amount of the two other meds he takes. Despite all this, one thing that hasn’t changed is the generalised seizures. But it’s the best they can do right now, and as Jensen says, “I’ll take what I can get.”
Jared is making his way through the chairs and the small groups of people chatting together when he feels someone grab his arm. It’s Misha.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing. S’just… I can’t find Jensen.”
“He’s okay, Jare. Saw him walking toward the men’s room a couple of minutes ago.”
“Oh. Okay. Maybe I should go and-“
Misha’s eyes widen almost comically. “Huh… I’ll do it. I mean it’s your birthday. Sit and enjoy the show.”
Jared doesn’t even have time to answer before Misha’s gone, so he slowly walks back to his place, still feeling funny about the whole thing. Then, his mother asks him to sit beside her while she tells Victoria all about Jared’s birth with graphic details he would have preferred not to know.
The song Steve and Christian were playing is over and the silence holds a strange anticipation. Conversations are dying slowly and there are whispers starting at all the tables. Jared wonders what he’s missed when looks at the stage and sees Jensen climbing up to join his friends, his acoustic guitar strapped across his chest.
“What the-“ Jared murmurs, heart picking up because this, this… He’s heard Jensen play a couple of times, but his musical past is something Jensen doesn’t like to talk about much, maybe because he still misses it, Jared thinks.
Jensen sits in front of a mic and gets his guitar in place. He clears his throat and smiles uneasily.
“Okay, so huh… This is my present for you, Jared. I… I haven’t done this in a long time so if this goes horribly wrong, I apologise. And I also want to apologise for the total sap I’m about to be.”
Jensen is blushing. Jared can see it, even from this distance. There is some snorting and laughter amongst the tables. Jared just waits, his heart beating fast in his chest.
“Jared, I know I’m a pain in the ass and…”
Beside Jensen, Chris raises two thumbs, smiling at Jared. There is some more laughter and Jensen turns his head toward Chris , shaking it slightly. “Shup up, man.”
“I didn’t say anything,” Chris articulates.
It’s good, seeing the two of them so in tune with each other. Apparently, back in December when Jared had been so lost and everything had seemed dark, Jensen had turned to Chris for advice. They’ve been in touch with each other ever since. It had been a gradual thing: a phone call or a meeting on Skype once or twice a week, eventually graduating to the point where there is rarely a day when they don’t communicate in one way or another. There had been some fights in the beginning, hangs up, frustrated conversations and e-mails full of swear words, but eventually, they had found their way back to each other, and their renewed friendship had brought an additional spark to Jensen’s bright eyes.
“Okay, so what was I saying?” Jensen scratches the back of his head and clears his throat. “Jared is the nicest guy in the world, I think everybody will agree with me…”
People start applauding enthusiastically and Jared, who’s already red and sweating because that’s his normal state whenever it’s hotter than seventy degrees -blushes so suddenly that the tip of his ears burn. He doesn’t deserve all of this. He only tries to-
No, it works both ways, you know that. Jensen’s voice is perfectly clear in his head. He has repeated this so many times. I hold up my end of the deal, now you have to do your part. You have to realise that you’re worth something. That you do make a difference. You’re generous and kind and you give so much of yourself to the people around you… I’m just lucky there is some left for me.
Jared smiles and shrugs. Learning to let go isn’t an easy thing to do.
“… so happy he puts up with me. Plus, he’s hot, ya’ know?”
Jensen winks. Some people laugh, some others whistle.
“Things were hard after we met because of… stuff, you know? We were struggling and trying to get to know each other and everything almost went to Hell at one point and huh… I guess we needed to work on ourselves a little. Anyway, I thought of the perfect song to sing to you, Jared, but Bowie doesn’t do many of those sappy love songs you would’ve liked so much. But there is this song called The Man who Sold the World and some of you will probably think: Hey! That’s a Nirvana song, but of course no. It’s one of David Bowie’s early songs and huh…”
“Geek,” Steve yells enthusiastically.
“Okay yeah,” Jensen cocks his head to the side and scratches his nose. “I’m a geek, that’s true. Anyway, this song is about control, the fear of losing it, the fear of losing ourselves and the beast inside every one of us. And I think Jared and I can both relate. So, t’s’for you, Jared.”
Steve starts to play this strange percussion instrument that’s shaped like a fish and then Chris starts in with the first guitar riff and Jensen joins them with the second guitar, his fingers running over his instrument, his feet tapping the rhythm. He starts signing, voice low and a little hoarse, but rising nicely to become as soft as a caress. In this moment, Jared knows the man in front of him is complete. Happy, almost febrile. This is where he really belongs, on a stage, singing, playing.
It could be a sad thought, knowing that Jensen won’t really get to have this the way he used to, that life happened and killed this dream forever. Jared isn’t sad, though, because he gets to have Jensen every day, because he could’ve lost him, and Jensen knows it too. He’s learning to let go too and to take what is given to him. It’s unfair, of course it is. But happiness can grow in other ways, there are other dreams to follow, other paths to discover, with whatever life has decided to give us.
“Who knows?” Jensen sings, “Not me/I’ve never lost control…”
And he smiles playfully at Jared, rolling his eyes.
Fin
::: :::
The Man who sold the World can be listen to Here and I bet Jensen Ackles would do a great job singing it. ;)