I'm in a bad mood when I'm supposed to be happy.
Blah blah blah blah blah. Went to Kamikaze Con yesterday. I wonder why I keep going, I always seem to hate them. Maybe I just hate myself.
I really am angry. I had such high hopes. Y'know, I really wanted to meet her? Since our first meet barely even counted. So I thought, I could spend time with her, we could be friends, we could actually chat and laugh in real life. I wouldn't have to type things, I could actually make faces and inflections. Maybe it would be so fun.
I should've known she wouldn't have liked me since about the fifth second.
Maybe I did something wrong, but it just made me feel bad, right off the bat. Maybe she wasn't as hyped up as I wanted her to be, maybe I was more than she thought I would be, but I felt like she didn't care when she saw me. Like I was just bothering her in my big, bulky outfit. And I'm so angry at myself for doing that. So angry.
Aside from that, I do have a case of wanderlust, and she does enjoy hanging out with friends. Maybe I should've warned her some more, that I like walking and changing ideas so quickly that people need to follow me aside from me following you. I tried, too. I tried so hard to follow her and be near her and hang out with her, but then I just felt annoying and bothersome and maybe I don't get as excited as you when I see fanart, maybe I don't get as excited as you when I see someone I know.
Is that my fault?
And then the day began closing and she had to leave. I felt as if she wasn't near me because of me, but because of her. Because someone more interesting and happy and playful was talking with me and she decided that she wanted to talk to her, not me. Like I was an after-thought.
Oh, God. -buries face in hands.- I'm complaining so much. No wonder she left.
But I'm angry at Carol, too. I am annoyed and angry and hurt. Why did she do that. Why did she, as soon as I said I wanted to be England, say that she would be him, too? I wanted to be him myself. I wanted to be the only one, so maybe she would notice me some more.
Of course not. Carol is just too perfect. I can't even compete--even when I texted her, she said she was going to meet up with her. And I know that I barely mattered. She even seemed happy when I said I wasn't going. I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ME, BUT DON'T SAY IT.
And maybe I'm just over-reacting because ALL I DO is over-react. But if I'm going to take a backseat when I really care about you, then why on earth am I still trying?
I really am angry. I had such high hopes. Y'know, I really wanted to meet her? Since our first meet barely even counted. So I thought, I could spend time with her, we could be friends, we could actually chat and laugh in real life. I wouldn't have to type things, I could actually make faces and inflections. Maybe it would be so fun.
I should've known she wouldn't have liked me since about the fifth second.
Maybe I did something wrong, but it just made me feel bad, right off the bat. Maybe she wasn't as hyped up as I wanted her to be, maybe I was more than she thought I would be, but I felt like she didn't care when she saw me. Like I was just bothering her in my big, bulky outfit. And I'm so angry at myself for doing that. So angry.
Aside from that, I do have a case of wanderlust, and she does enjoy hanging out with friends. Maybe I should've warned her some more, that I like walking and changing ideas so quickly that people need to follow me aside from me following you. I tried, too. I tried so hard to follow her and be near her and hang out with her, but then I just felt annoying and bothersome and maybe I don't get as excited as you when I see fanart, maybe I don't get as excited as you when I see someone I know.
Is that my fault?
And then the day began closing and she had to leave. I felt as if she wasn't near me because of me, but because of her. Because someone more interesting and happy and playful was talking with me and she decided that she wanted to talk to her, not me. Like I was an after-thought.
Oh, God. -buries face in hands.- I'm complaining so much. No wonder she left.
But I'm angry at Carol, too. I am annoyed and angry and hurt. Why did she do that. Why did she, as soon as I said I wanted to be England, say that she would be him, too? I wanted to be him myself. I wanted to be the only one, so maybe she would notice me some more.
Of course not. Carol is just too perfect. I can't even compete--even when I texted her, she said she was going to meet up with her. And I know that I barely mattered. She even seemed happy when I said I wasn't going. I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ME, BUT DON'T SAY IT.
And maybe I'm just over-reacting because ALL I DO is over-react. But if I'm going to take a backseat when I really care about you, then why on earth am I still trying?