Hurrr Reborn! fanfic, comin' right up.

[etrnlpeace]

Title: Different.
Author/Artist: Meeeeeeeee.
Character(s) or Pairing(s): Belphegor, Mammon, Fran. Urrr. You decide the pairings.
Rating: T
Warnings: It's confusing, apparently. I'm trying out a new style and you are all now my guinea pigs. Also, sudden/stupid ending.
Summary: And then a year later, Fran shows up, looking so very much like her that his

Comments

Because you told me to comment, ho.

[thecommoniguana]

Where to start, where to start...-Headtap.-

First of all, I really like it. c: It feels like you're writing Bel's racing thoughts and it made me feel heartachy. And I think you picked a good ending point. The fic's like a snippet of his feelings and what happened and there's no gooshy goo behind it - which, in my opinion, is brilliant. -Tired of gooshygoo.-

I only have two things to nitpick about. One, the 'you's and 'your's kind of threw me off. The fic is written in third-person, so I don't think it should fluctuate into second-person - even though it's for effect. The second thing is just the placement of commas and such. /grammarnazi. You might also get some heat from people that don't like Mammon being a girl, but eh. Whatever.

The content is enough to make me wibble and I think you captured Bel's feelings well. -Thumbs up.-

Hope this is enough of a comment for you.

Re: Because you told me to comment, ho.

[etrnlpeace]

I love you very much, yes.

-shrugs off your nitpicks.- I mean, I'm not gonna rewrite it to remove the second person bits, but I understand what you're trying to say. And as for the grammar, deal with it. BC I like making MS Word have seizures.

THEY CAN DEAL. I LIKE FEM!MAMMON.

|:

[thecommoniguana]

<3

:x Fine, fine. You're the author, so you get the final say in things. I understand that you're going for a certain style. But a comma is supposed to signify a pause and so when I read I am pausing at spots I don't feel like I should be pausing at.

I know.