Fanfiction: Once Upon a Freakin' Time
This should be eerily familiar to anyone in college or who has been to college.
Severus Snape Really Is Evil
It would probably surprise many to discover that there were few things Lord Voldemort enjoyed as much as a good book. More specifically, a good magic theory book. Lord Voldemort found the revelation of the building blocks of magic to be an experience akin to a religious epiphany. For even if the book did not contain explicit Dark Magic, it showed the way magic was done and could be manipulated. With such information, even the brightest magic of the wisest wizard could be perverted to Lord Voldemort’s sinister will. Knowledge was power, power would corrupt, and at the end of the cycle, Lord Voldemort would stand victorious.
But first: a lot of studying.
So, as was usual on a Friday night, Lord Voldemort carted an armful of books to his headquarters’ library for an evening of intense study. He was followed by Lucius Malfoy, who turned pages for his Master and scoured indices for an extensive list of keywords. (It is a little known fact that wizards invented the index for use in their lengthy compilations of magic. Its co-option by Muggles was one of the many injuries to Wizard-kind that Lord Voldemort intended to avenge. He had a list.)
But when Lord Voldemort opened the door to his library, he found the massive oak table already occupied by piles of leather-bound books, haphazardly scattered parchment rolls, and one Severus Snape.
“Oh,” said Snape, standing and executing a swift bow, “good evening, my Lord.”
“Severus,” acknowledged Voldemort as Snape quickly shuffled his papers around to clear a work space for the Dark Lord.
“Hello, Snape,” said Lucius, putting some of Voldemort’s quills and ink bottles down.
“Lucius? Oh, I mean, Lucius. Hi,” said a surprised Snape. As Lucius turned away to drag over some chairs, Snape turned to Voldemort and mouthed, “Lucius?”, to which Voldemort just shrugged.
They operated in their separate scholarly spheres for several hours. Lucius grew increasingly bored as time passed, however, because turning pages and looking up words and phrases like “Bloggs the None Too Bright, Bligh” and “Hydro-Toxicodendron” was not the most engaging of pastimes. So, he got nosey.
Leaning around the table, Lucius peered over Snape’s shoulder. “What are you writing?”
Snape slowly turned to face Lucius, looking as if he couldn’t believe that anyone would dare interrupt him. “Not. Your. Business.”
Lucius rolled his eyes. Time spent around Lord Voldemort had taught him that any scholar secretly longed to be asked what he or she was working on. “No, really. I’m genuinely curious. I’ve never seen you do so much writing. I’m sure our Master would love to hear it too. Wouldn’t you, my Lord?”
“Hmm?” asked Voldemort, not even looking up from his text.
“Well,” said Snape, “since you insist. Have you ever noticed that Libatius Borage’s Advanced Potion-Making, well, sucks?”
“No,” said Lucius, who hadn’t taken Advanced Potions.
“I suppose it’s a bit outdated,” replied Voldemort, making a little note in the margins of his book.
“A bit? It’s a travesty to the art of potion making! It hasn’t been adapted or fine-tuned for decades.”
“Why do you keep teaching it, then?” asked Lucius, rather sensibly.
“Why should I be bothered if Hogwarts isn’t bothered by their students’ merely cursory Potions education?” asked Snape.
“I think you just like to complain,” said Voldemort, looking up for the first time and smirking.
Snape wisely chose not to reply, and instead gestured to the pile around him. “I have decided to give it a thorough updating now that I am currently…out of a job.”
“Yeah,” said Lucius, “how ‘bout that.”
Pointedly ignoring Lucius, Snape continued, “I figure that if you rule the wizarding world…” Voldemort would have raised his eyebrows, if he had, in fact, eyebrows to raise. “…er, when you rule the wizarding world, you’ll need someone with educational experience to indoctrinate the next generation. As an experienced Potions Master and professor, I can bring a level of professionalism and organization to the school that would otherwise be lacking. All to your benefit and my own.”
“Your own?” asked Voldemort.
“Of course. When you rule all, my book will be published, I’ll teach Potions anyway I want, and I’ll make all the students buy my book. I’ll be rich.”
Lucius inhaled sharply. “Wow, that’s absolutely evil!”
Severus Snape Really Is Evil
It would probably surprise many to discover that there were few things Lord Voldemort enjoyed as much as a good book. More specifically, a good magic theory book. Lord Voldemort found the revelation of the building blocks of magic to be an experience akin to a religious epiphany. For even if the book did not contain explicit Dark Magic, it showed the way magic was done and could be manipulated. With such information, even the brightest magic of the wisest wizard could be perverted to Lord Voldemort’s sinister will. Knowledge was power, power would corrupt, and at the end of the cycle, Lord Voldemort would stand victorious.
But first: a lot of studying.
So, as was usual on a Friday night, Lord Voldemort carted an armful of books to his headquarters’ library for an evening of intense study. He was followed by Lucius Malfoy, who turned pages for his Master and scoured indices for an extensive list of keywords. (It is a little known fact that wizards invented the index for use in their lengthy compilations of magic. Its co-option by Muggles was one of the many injuries to Wizard-kind that Lord Voldemort intended to avenge. He had a list.)
But when Lord Voldemort opened the door to his library, he found the massive oak table already occupied by piles of leather-bound books, haphazardly scattered parchment rolls, and one Severus Snape.
“Oh,” said Snape, standing and executing a swift bow, “good evening, my Lord.”
“Severus,” acknowledged Voldemort as Snape quickly shuffled his papers around to clear a work space for the Dark Lord.
“Hello, Snape,” said Lucius, putting some of Voldemort’s quills and ink bottles down.
“Lucius? Oh, I mean, Lucius. Hi,” said a surprised Snape. As Lucius turned away to drag over some chairs, Snape turned to Voldemort and mouthed, “Lucius?”, to which Voldemort just shrugged.
They operated in their separate scholarly spheres for several hours. Lucius grew increasingly bored as time passed, however, because turning pages and looking up words and phrases like “Bloggs the None Too Bright, Bligh” and “Hydro-Toxicodendron” was not the most engaging of pastimes. So, he got nosey.
Leaning around the table, Lucius peered over Snape’s shoulder. “What are you writing?”
Snape slowly turned to face Lucius, looking as if he couldn’t believe that anyone would dare interrupt him. “Not. Your. Business.”
Lucius rolled his eyes. Time spent around Lord Voldemort had taught him that any scholar secretly longed to be asked what he or she was working on. “No, really. I’m genuinely curious. I’ve never seen you do so much writing. I’m sure our Master would love to hear it too. Wouldn’t you, my Lord?”
“Hmm?” asked Voldemort, not even looking up from his text.
“Well,” said Snape, “since you insist. Have you ever noticed that Libatius Borage’s Advanced Potion-Making, well, sucks?”
“No,” said Lucius, who hadn’t taken Advanced Potions.
“I suppose it’s a bit outdated,” replied Voldemort, making a little note in the margins of his book.
“A bit? It’s a travesty to the art of potion making! It hasn’t been adapted or fine-tuned for decades.”
“Why do you keep teaching it, then?” asked Lucius, rather sensibly.
“Why should I be bothered if Hogwarts isn’t bothered by their students’ merely cursory Potions education?” asked Snape.
“I think you just like to complain,” said Voldemort, looking up for the first time and smirking.
Snape wisely chose not to reply, and instead gestured to the pile around him. “I have decided to give it a thorough updating now that I am currently…out of a job.”
“Yeah,” said Lucius, “how ‘bout that.”
Pointedly ignoring Lucius, Snape continued, “I figure that if you rule the wizarding world…” Voldemort would have raised his eyebrows, if he had, in fact, eyebrows to raise. “…er, when you rule the wizarding world, you’ll need someone with educational experience to indoctrinate the next generation. As an experienced Potions Master and professor, I can bring a level of professionalism and organization to the school that would otherwise be lacking. All to your benefit and my own.”
“Your own?” asked Voldemort.
“Of course. When you rule all, my book will be published, I’ll teach Potions anyway I want, and I’ll make all the students buy my book. I’ll be rich.”
Lucius inhaled sharply. “Wow, that’s absolutely evil!”