Working Kirk
Top 10 Meme
Comment and I'll give you a topic for either a top five or a top ten.
So templar46_2 meme'd me with "10 fictional characters who could take James T. Kirk in a fight." So, given that I grew up with Kirk as "the hero", and back in the 70s, here we go:
1. River Tam. I debated whether Mal and/or Jayne could take down the Kirk, but River could wipe the walls with both of them, one in each hand. She could wipe the smirk off Kirk quicker than you can say “Loli”. Kirk wouldn’t even have a chance to engage ‘charm’ mode.
2. Wolverine from X-men. I’m trying to stay away from blatant superheroes (we know Superman could take out Kirk) but Wolverine is somewhat less omnipotent and yet could still take Kirk. Also I love watching him fight. He gets so snarly!
3. Samalander. Not to get all Mary-Sue here, but he totally could and he would really, really enjoy doing it. Kirk reminds him of Fenwick.
4. Boba Fett. I have to have someone from the Star Wars universe here, and while Vader is the obvious choice, he seems to have a weakness for farmboys, and Kirk is from Iowa. I admit Fett didn’t do too much butt-kicking in the films, but enough people have assured me he is a total badass that I’m going to confidently assume he can take James T.
5. Riddick, as played by Vin Deisel. No one, with the possible exception of Chuck Norris, can withstand Vin. Certainly not Kirk. And Riddick is also a master of bare-chest-fu. Clearly no contest.
6. Vimes. It would be a tough battle, but I think, especially if we’re talking older pudgier movies-era Kirk versus older nastier sober Vimes, it should be an interesting fight, with Vimes ultimately victorious. And lots of good snarled debate about the nature of law and the Prime Directive and so forth.
7. Tiny Bulcher, from Donald Westlake’s ‘Dortmunder’ novels. Tiny, the wall that walks like a wall, is well-known for his feats of brutality. Kirk would try his cleverness and rolly martial artsy skills and Tiny would just pick him up and fold him until he could be put into a mail slot. And then eat him.
8. Jackie Chan. Now wait, you say. Jackie Chan isn’t a fictional character! My friends, he totally is. In fact, Jackie Chan is actually something similar to a ‘toon’. He was accidentally transported into our dimension by a sass-talking magic dragon in his own world, and now he eeks out a living making movies where he can take advantage of the fact that he’s not entirely compatible with our world’s physical laws. And he could beat Kirk senseless with his own toupee and make you laugh as he does it.
hmm...
...It’s interesting how, going through the various fictional characters I know, how small a category this is. Kirk isn’t a superhero, he has no magic powers…. And yet, somehow, my gut -knows- that he could take anyone from the Harry Potter universe in a fight. For that matter, no one in the Tim Powers universe could probably take him either. And I’m not real sure about anyone in PotC either. Hmm… I need two more. This would be easier if I watched/read more heroic stuff.
9. Scar, from “The Lion King”. I know Scar is fairly weak physically, but he’s still a friggin’ -lion-. And the thing is, if it was Simba on the mat, Kirk would do something cunning and confuse Simba’s fuzzy little brain. Scar is too cunning for that stuff, and he’d just knock Kirk’s legs out from under him and crush his skull with a single bite, because that’s how lions roll.
10. Ripley, from Aliens. She’s a tough chick, and she fights vicious and dirty. And Kirk would try to be being all smarmy about not wanting to fight a woman, and she’s kick him in the Kirkules and then break his neck while he was rolling around the floor calling for Bones. And then she’d throw him out the airlock.
There we go!
Comment and I'll give you a topic for either a top five or a top ten.
So templar46_2 meme'd me with "10 fictional characters who could take James T. Kirk in a fight." So, given that I grew up with Kirk as "the hero", and back in the 70s, here we go:
1. River Tam. I debated whether Mal and/or Jayne could take down the Kirk, but River could wipe the walls with both of them, one in each hand. She could wipe the smirk off Kirk quicker than you can say “Loli”. Kirk wouldn’t even have a chance to engage ‘charm’ mode.
2. Wolverine from X-men. I’m trying to stay away from blatant superheroes (we know Superman could take out Kirk) but Wolverine is somewhat less omnipotent and yet could still take Kirk. Also I love watching him fight. He gets so snarly!
3. Samalander. Not to get all Mary-Sue here, but he totally could and he would really, really enjoy doing it. Kirk reminds him of Fenwick.
4. Boba Fett. I have to have someone from the Star Wars universe here, and while Vader is the obvious choice, he seems to have a weakness for farmboys, and Kirk is from Iowa. I admit Fett didn’t do too much butt-kicking in the films, but enough people have assured me he is a total badass that I’m going to confidently assume he can take James T.
5. Riddick, as played by Vin Deisel. No one, with the possible exception of Chuck Norris, can withstand Vin. Certainly not Kirk. And Riddick is also a master of bare-chest-fu. Clearly no contest.
6. Vimes. It would be a tough battle, but I think, especially if we’re talking older pudgier movies-era Kirk versus older nastier sober Vimes, it should be an interesting fight, with Vimes ultimately victorious. And lots of good snarled debate about the nature of law and the Prime Directive and so forth.
7. Tiny Bulcher, from Donald Westlake’s ‘Dortmunder’ novels. Tiny, the wall that walks like a wall, is well-known for his feats of brutality. Kirk would try his cleverness and rolly martial artsy skills and Tiny would just pick him up and fold him until he could be put into a mail slot. And then eat him.
8. Jackie Chan. Now wait, you say. Jackie Chan isn’t a fictional character! My friends, he totally is. In fact, Jackie Chan is actually something similar to a ‘toon’. He was accidentally transported into our dimension by a sass-talking magic dragon in his own world, and now he eeks out a living making movies where he can take advantage of the fact that he’s not entirely compatible with our world’s physical laws. And he could beat Kirk senseless with his own toupee and make you laugh as he does it.
hmm...
...It’s interesting how, going through the various fictional characters I know, how small a category this is. Kirk isn’t a superhero, he has no magic powers…. And yet, somehow, my gut -knows- that he could take anyone from the Harry Potter universe in a fight. For that matter, no one in the Tim Powers universe could probably take him either. And I’m not real sure about anyone in PotC either. Hmm… I need two more. This would be easier if I watched/read more heroic stuff.
9. Scar, from “The Lion King”. I know Scar is fairly weak physically, but he’s still a friggin’ -lion-. And the thing is, if it was Simba on the mat, Kirk would do something cunning and confuse Simba’s fuzzy little brain. Scar is too cunning for that stuff, and he’d just knock Kirk’s legs out from under him and crush his skull with a single bite, because that’s how lions roll.
10. Ripley, from Aliens. She’s a tough chick, and she fights vicious and dirty. And Kirk would try to be being all smarmy about not wanting to fight a woman, and she’s kick him in the Kirkules and then break his neck while he was rolling around the floor calling for Bones. And then she’d throw him out the airlock.
There we go!