(Untitled)

[evendown]

I've written a lot of sad stories. I'm going to write a happy one, and see if anyone will comment on it. Its kind of like an expirement. Also, I want to see if I CAN write something happy.

Comments

Woah!

[st_pauli]

That is a wicked story! Is there gonna be anymore added to it?

Re: Woah!

[evendown]

Thanks for the post! I will definately add more stories, though I don't know about continueing with this one. Once again, thanks for the post.

[evendown]

I did that just for you. You'll notice 'Cowen' is a 'k' sound too.

[fitstabarmada]

I just read all your stories. haven't LJ'd it up recently! Kailin, I enjoy your stuff, please continue.

Although my first kiss was definitely 10,000 times more awkward than Kitty and Cowen's. Haha, that was probably my fault though.

[evendown]

I will conitnue, for the sake of all my loyal readers, and so I can continue to write better and better.

Also, your first kiss was awkward because it was with your cousin.

[brick_inthewall]

yay for stories! i enjoy your writing very much, and this one got me all hopeful and stuff because i'm almost 18 and i've never been kissed so yea...i dunno...two thumbs up for kailin

[evendown]

Two thumbs! Yeehaa!

I'm glad my happy story is as well recieved as the sad ones.

telling it like it is:

[sr_sinn]

okay ... first some gramatical errors:

"Sheesh, no wonder your so skinny." - It's you're
"No. We move to the back seat." She climed, or slid, into the back seat. - I think you mean "Climbed"

Other than that it was okay. Don't get me wrong kailin, but there were certain insights in the "negative" stories that were just way more enjoyable (to me). The way the characters think and what they say and do and the overall content of the story seems much more untapped than a love story. In the dark, I can't tell, but i think i most represent his dad.

There wasn't much character development in the sense we don't know where to start? Who's the girl? How well do they know eachother? Is this their first date, and are they that hot and heavy just after about 2 hours?

Still, though, you are avery descriptive writer, and i always enjoy a good picture in my head. I'm not perfect or anything, i just thought i'd throw you some constructive criticism.

Re: telling it like it is:

[evendown]

I am terrible with the your/you're issue.

And I did mean climbed.

The characters I'd tried to define through dialouge. Apparently that still needs work. And I believe the dad's name was David because you'd just logged on. It just felt right.

As for the relationship, they knew eachother through school, it was the first date, and yes, getting that hot and heavy after 2 hours IS possible. Though difficult.

Thanks for the criticism. It is as well taken as praise.