im feeling that old, empty, dull panic that didnt surface for a while even though last week was one of the hardest of my life.

i guess that all that it takes is a few difficult decisions, a little sexual frustration, and a movie that both depresses and inspires.

shit.

the last two days have made me feel so good, too.

shit.

i cant decide if its your way of being kind ... or if youre just being the bastard that most people think you are.

and i cant decide if i should be grateful ... or if i should feel as hurt as i somehow seem to.

"whats the point in all this screaming?
no ones listening, anyway."

on the slight upside, tonight we sang songs from circa middleschool and ( Read more... )

hey.

im going to write a book.
about what?
i dont know.
but youve got to start somewhere and your life has got to mean something.

its so good to be home in a place where i feel accepted and a part of something.
some things about being home are very hard (getting along with stephanie, finding a job ...).
and other things are fantastic (seeing ( Read more... )

william: "what do you love most about music?"

russell: "to begin with? everything."
almost famous

... i just want to get away from here and peoples favoritism and the feeling of not being wanted.
and maybe THATS why i dont enjoy this place and all that it entails.
on the bright side, ted leo with robert on friday and umass from saturday until monday ( Read more... )

ok, so ive got a quick rant.

this is probably honestly a matter of pent up aggravation due to living in connecticut--the worst state in which i could have picked to dwell for seven months out of the year--amongst people who dress and act in ways in which i would never want, and have beliefs which i will never desire to have ...

... but here it is:

( Read more... )

i dont know how to talk about this.
and so i havent.
but it is very, very hard to be a college student right now.
because i cant seem to turn my head without tragedy striking somewhere.

yesterday, we had the iranian freedom concert in the edgerton theatre and so, naturally, i IMed nikzad to let him know.
he wasnt there, but his away message said, "r.i.p ( Read more... )

on gobs pending divorce
gob: and now shes stomping on my heart.
michael: whats her first name? quickly.
gob: crindee!
michael: names not crindee, gob.
gob: ... oh, saul zetzmann. nope, thats her lawyer. well, shes got a name. and im gonna find out what it is. and im gonna make a pun on it and thats what ill call her. quick example: if her names amy, ill ( Read more... )

its silly, but ive got a weakness for this stuff:

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
1. open your itunes
2. put it on shuffle
3. press play
4. for every question, type the song thats playing
5. when you go to a new question, press the next button

opening credits: happiness is a warm gun-the beatles (thats kind of cool)

waking up: ( Read more... )

school is scary, difficult, and somewhat uphappy.
whats scarier, more difficult, and inspires more unhappiness is the prospect of not being able to come back here.

i know that my british lit teacher hates me, which would be fine because i cant stand her and she is a horrible little midgit woman, but she is completely grading me down and it pisses me ( Read more... )

i am leaving to go home in a little under two hours.
i will be home in a little under four hours.
i am taking courtney blum with me.
not as a hostage.
she asked.

erika is going to france, tomorrow, and plugis is there.
how jealous am i, you ask?
very, i answer.
very.

ok, so ive been eating so healthy lately and gave up junk food for lent and so far so good ( Read more... )