Appity
Character: Rick O’Connell
Series: The Mummy and The Mummy Returns
Age: Mid-to-late thirties
Job: Undead Slaying Instructor
Canon: Once upon a time in ancient Egypt, a high priest was very naughty and thus turned into a cursed mummy. Fast forward to 1926: a librarian, her brother and an American accidentally wake him up and trigger a world-ending apocalypse. Oops. They do manage to defeat him, which means that when someone else resurrects the mummy again in the sequel a few years later, they are less than impressed. So they defeat him again, with the combined powers of ancient Egyptian knowledge, wisecracks, and the occasional bumbling shenanigan that works in their favour.
Rick O’Connell is the American in this equation, hired by librarian (and future wife) Evie to help them find the city of Hamunaptra. A man with no shortage of sarcastic quips for whatever situation he’s in, O’Connell would rather not go poking the ancient curse-ridden tombs, but you know how things go. As such he often finds himself fighting off hordes of the undead with guns, swords, dynamite, and sometimes a cat. He’s also a big fan of running the hell away when the odds aren’t so good. In the end he’s a brave fellow who refuses to let anyone try to destroy the world or sacrifice people, even if they ARE a 3000-year-old sacred walking corpse. That just makes it a bit harder.
Sample Post:
Okay, am I here yet? I’d better be, because if I’m not I might just have to hike back through the swamp to beat the guy selling the maps. I’m sure he’s a responsible business man but any map that tells me to turn right at the volcano, then follows that up with “No, your other right” isn’t reassuring. So, let’s see… some cabins and swampland sounds right. Not too sure the gorillas replacing that sign are, though. What the hell does it say… if that big one would just move a bit then I could-- oh, wait.
"Ye Old Campe Fuckery: Undergoing renovations in 2007 for a new generation of the damned, the lost, and the terminally emo." I’ll take that as a yes, then.
Since this is the place, that’d make me your undead slaying instructor. Now I don’t know where this Director lady got the idea that I’m any good at that, because anyone with half a brain knows that the undead are pretty good at not dying. But when someone kidnaps you from your home and dumps you at the edge of a swamp, well, you pay attention. Especially when a bunch of little dead guys start singing "Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to hell you go" at you. Which means I’m gonna at least give this a shot, so pay attention and you might learn something. And even if you don’t, well, pay attention anyway. I’m serious. You can tell I’m serious because I lost one of my boots back in the swamps and kept on marching, boot-less, and even kicked one’ve those singing guys in the face with my bare foot. And he was pretty dopey. If that doesn’t say serious, I don’t know what does.
So over here we’ve got some dead guys. Not the kind of dead guys I’m used to, but that doesn’t matter much. They’re still juicy and falling to bits, just don’t have any bandages keeping them together or… covering anything. I really did not need to know that they have three extra cheeks. Now, what you have to do with these is kill them. Crazy, I know, but work with me here. You can hack ‘em to bits except that doesn’t really stop those bits moving. Like that hand over there, giving me the finger, or those intestines tying themselves into a pretty bow.
Best thing to do? Shoot them in the face. And if that doesn’t work… shoot them in the face again. They’re probably still crawling around on the floor trying to rip your toenails off, but the shooting will continue until morale improves. Try to hit them in the mouth too; I can see some of ‘em starting to chant and believe me, chanting isn’t a good thing. Even if they are chanting "The baby is okay". So just stomp on all those pieces, because I can see them all crawling together into something else, and it could be pretty bad or it could end up as--
A giant zombie baby.
O…kay then. This might be a problem. Forget the guns, we’ll need something bigger for this. I need you kids to find some dynamite, an Egyptologist, ancient giant-monster-killing trinkets, and a knife. I know some of that stuff isn’t easy to find, but don’t worry.
I can do it without the knife.
((Voting went here: 89.8% in, g-god.))
Series: The Mummy and The Mummy Returns
Age: Mid-to-late thirties
Job: Undead Slaying Instructor
Canon: Once upon a time in ancient Egypt, a high priest was very naughty and thus turned into a cursed mummy. Fast forward to 1926: a librarian, her brother and an American accidentally wake him up and trigger a world-ending apocalypse. Oops. They do manage to defeat him, which means that when someone else resurrects the mummy again in the sequel a few years later, they are less than impressed. So they defeat him again, with the combined powers of ancient Egyptian knowledge, wisecracks, and the occasional bumbling shenanigan that works in their favour.
Rick O’Connell is the American in this equation, hired by librarian (and future wife) Evie to help them find the city of Hamunaptra. A man with no shortage of sarcastic quips for whatever situation he’s in, O’Connell would rather not go poking the ancient curse-ridden tombs, but you know how things go. As such he often finds himself fighting off hordes of the undead with guns, swords, dynamite, and sometimes a cat. He’s also a big fan of running the hell away when the odds aren’t so good. In the end he’s a brave fellow who refuses to let anyone try to destroy the world or sacrifice people, even if they ARE a 3000-year-old sacred walking corpse. That just makes it a bit harder.
Sample Post:
Okay, am I here yet? I’d better be, because if I’m not I might just have to hike back through the swamp to beat the guy selling the maps. I’m sure he’s a responsible business man but any map that tells me to turn right at the volcano, then follows that up with “No, your other right” isn’t reassuring. So, let’s see… some cabins and swampland sounds right. Not too sure the gorillas replacing that sign are, though. What the hell does it say… if that big one would just move a bit then I could-- oh, wait.
"Ye Old Campe Fuckery: Undergoing renovations in 2007 for a new generation of the damned, the lost, and the terminally emo." I’ll take that as a yes, then.
Since this is the place, that’d make me your undead slaying instructor. Now I don’t know where this Director lady got the idea that I’m any good at that, because anyone with half a brain knows that the undead are pretty good at not dying. But when someone kidnaps you from your home and dumps you at the edge of a swamp, well, you pay attention. Especially when a bunch of little dead guys start singing "Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to hell you go" at you. Which means I’m gonna at least give this a shot, so pay attention and you might learn something. And even if you don’t, well, pay attention anyway. I’m serious. You can tell I’m serious because I lost one of my boots back in the swamps and kept on marching, boot-less, and even kicked one’ve those singing guys in the face with my bare foot. And he was pretty dopey. If that doesn’t say serious, I don’t know what does.
So over here we’ve got some dead guys. Not the kind of dead guys I’m used to, but that doesn’t matter much. They’re still juicy and falling to bits, just don’t have any bandages keeping them together or… covering anything. I really did not need to know that they have three extra cheeks. Now, what you have to do with these is kill them. Crazy, I know, but work with me here. You can hack ‘em to bits except that doesn’t really stop those bits moving. Like that hand over there, giving me the finger, or those intestines tying themselves into a pretty bow.
Best thing to do? Shoot them in the face. And if that doesn’t work… shoot them in the face again. They’re probably still crawling around on the floor trying to rip your toenails off, but the shooting will continue until morale improves. Try to hit them in the mouth too; I can see some of ‘em starting to chant and believe me, chanting isn’t a good thing. Even if they are chanting "The baby is okay". So just stomp on all those pieces, because I can see them all crawling together into something else, and it could be pretty bad or it could end up as--
A giant zombie baby.
O…kay then. This might be a problem. Forget the guns, we’ll need something bigger for this. I need you kids to find some dynamite, an Egyptologist, ancient giant-monster-killing trinkets, and a knife. I know some of that stuff isn’t easy to find, but don’t worry.
I can do it without the knife.
((Voting went here: 89.8% in, g-god.))