fic: With Trepidation
Finn has taken to fooling around with Kurt the same way he takes to anything-with initial trepidation, but eventually it’s as if he’s never done anything else. He’s always been a football player, a glee club member, a decent kid. People instantly see it when they look at him. And if they had any idea he was capable of it, maybe they’d see him as “the kid that fucks Kurt Hummel on the weekends” too.
Kurt can only dream, he supposes.
It is during one of their spontaneous encounters in Kurt’s basement (one doesn’t know if it’s spontaneous if one invites one another to one another’s houses, but one also doesn’t care at this point) that Kurt decides he shall reward Finn for how easily and eagerly he’s become engaged in their little arrangement (after the initial trepidation part). In hindsight, perhaps he should have informed Finn of this ahead of time.
“Dude, you don’t usually get on top,” Finn comments, smirking a little with that little crinkle by the edge of his mouth that Kurt recognizes as being exclusive to anything relating to sex (and recently anything relating to Kurt himself, which sends an electric thrill straight to the core of him). Kurt settles on Finn’s thighs, watching with dark eyes as Finn arches into the nimble fingers dragging down his chest.
“Want to try something new?” Kurt’s smirking back at him, but his voice is breathless and he’s sure that betrays his forced nonchalance just a tad.
Finn raises his eyebrows, not answering, and possibly for good reason. The last time Kurt said that they almost got caught making out on Mr. Schu’s desk. To be honest, the whole experience was a blur for both of them and neither is quite certain how they didn’t get expelled…or worse, lectured by an either overly disturbed or way-too-chummy Mr. Schu.
“I promise this idea is significantly less hazardous. Dad’s finally got the whole necktie on the doorknob idea.” Kurt pulls his little bottle of lube out of his back pocket and holds it up for Finn to see.
“Oh.” Finn’s face contorts in a different way. This time he’s confused. “We’ve done that, dude.”
For once, couldn’t he call him something more romantic than “dude”? “I didn’t mean on me.”
Finn’s eyes squint, widen, then glaze over. “Y-you mean?”
“Yes,” Kurt answers, his voice kind despite Finn’s less than romantic manner, “I thought you wanted to try it?”
There’s a definite flash of uncertainty, starting in Finn’s eyes and radiating outward to his eyebrows, the quirk of his lips from one side to the other. Kurt waits patiently for it all to sort out in his head. After all, it’s not as if Finn didn’t say he wanted to try.
“Yeah…I did. But I guess I thought that’d be further off…” Finn mumbles, eyes rolled off to one side.
Kurt bites his lip. “How much further off?”
“I dunno. A year, maybe. Or two-wait, where are you going?”
Kurt steadies himself on the edge of the bed, not sure if he’s having a panic attack or about to cry. Finn was seriously thinking in terms of years? Nobody even knows they’ve kissed, not even Mercedes (and she begged for hours, he was so close to telling her and he didn’t) and he was thinking in years? God, it’s enough to make him scream. It’s enough to make him diva out for real.
But then Finn touches his arm and all the muscles that were clenching just…relax. “Kurt? Are you…”
“I’m fine. I guess that just surprised me.” Kurt turns and gives a lopsided smile. “Years?”
“I…it’s scary,” Finn sighs, looking away again. His hand is still on Kurt’s shoulder, though, which is reassuring somehow. “What if you break it or something?”
There’s no stopping the laugh that bursts from Kurt’s mouth. “I promise I’ll be gentle.” He shakes his head, beaming affectionately at the other boy. “I would never hurt you. You know that.”
“Yeah…” Finn finally meets Kurt’s eyes again, his tongue flicking thoughtfully over his bottom lip. “Yeah, I know that.”
It’s a blur, but then they’re together again, kissing and touching, and it isn’t long before Kurt’s working Finn’s jeans off, followed by his briefs. Kurt gets ready, Finn breathes in and out. “It’ll be okay,” Kurt murmurs, fingers sliding.
Finn nods and breathes in and out again. Then suddenly Kurt’s finger is inside and God, Finn feels warm and alien and tight around it. Finn whimpers, unable to keep still, and Kurt steadies him with a hand on his hip. Their lips meet again, not quite kissing, more like breathing.
In and out.
Finn’s nervous, Kurt can tell. He’s in pain too, and he wishes so hard that he wasn’t. “It’ll be okay,” he murmurs, over and over, and then Finn’s squirming for a different reason. “Is it better?”
“Y-yeah…” Finn’s practically writhing himself back into the bed. It makes Kurt’s mouth go dry. “Kurt?”
“Yeah?” Kurt curls his fingers, eyes locked on Finn’s.
Finn cries out. His eyes are misty and his lips are trembling. “I love you.”
“Yeah,” Kurt manages as his head curls into Finn’s neck, “You too.”
And that’s all it takes. Finn’s spilling messily and Kurt, for whatever reason, all he can think is that it’s gorgeous. “Gorgeous…”
Minutes later, when Finn can breathe again, he agrees. “Yeah.” A hand strokes through Kurt’s hair. “Yeah.”