Application

[ibtrippen]

Name: Patrick, pseudonym ibtrippen
Age: 23

How you heard about us: Searched LiveJournal
How long have you been writing?: 6 and 1/2 years
Favorite poets/authors: Robert Pinsky and Oliver Sacks
A description of your writing style: I like stories the explore themes or ideas, but I also write poetry or stories whose only point is to test out a new texhnique

Comments

[ladytairngire]

Thank you for your application. It may take a while to receive a response. Please bear with us.

[ladytairngire]

No transition - indeed. ;)

throw rocks
at him to make him move.
Hit him? I can.

This opening passage is disjointed, largely because the above section is written in a different tense. Perhaps if you chose another way to - heh - transition your reader from the narration to the direct quote, the effect might be less jarring. Perhaps a stanza break? Quotation marks? Or, my personal favorite, italicsIt also strikes me as a difficult passage because the line "Hit him? I can." interrupts the cadence (such as it is) and seems like an odd thing to throw in there. Thrown in. What does it add

[ladytairngire]

As for cowing the rebels: there is so much unsaid that it says nothing. The only thing I can take from it, for good or otherwise, is the word "flabbergasted", which is a fun word you don't see much of, and "reading glasses" - an item so specific that it gives the transaction weight. But, to what end?