(no subject)
This is not supposed to make sense. Don't try to understand it. Based on a conversation where we were apparently on crack, and later expanded into writing.
Private Time
SanaYuki, various
Warnings: Just the crack
A/N: So the both of us were talking about tenipuri_rp (which you should join), and how Yukimura and Sanada needed some time away from everyone else, and thanks to several misunderstandings and a lot of good old potcrack it turned out like this! :D
Word Count: 1,035
"I want to spend a nice, quiet day here with you, Sanada," Yukimura said, snuggling happily into his fukubuchou's chest. Sanada looked fondly down at him.
Then the phone rang.
Yukimura stood up to go answer it. "Yukimura residence," he said, lamenting the fact that the phone wasn't cordless. He couldn't go back over to sit with Sanada while he was talking on it.
"Buchou, I'm having a crisis!" Akaya's voice came, sounding panicked.
"What is it, Akaya?" Yukimura sighed.
"I fell asleep on the bus and don't know where I am!" he wailed. Yukimura held the phone away from his ear.
"I sewed a map into the lining of your shoe," he said. "Try to be more careful next time, Akaya."
"Thanks, buchou!" Akaya chirped, before Yukimura hung up.
He plopped himself back in Sanada's lap, and they shared a smile, forgetting the interruption and leaning towards one another for a kiss.
Then the phone rang.
Yukimura sighed again and went over to pick it up. "Yukimura residence," he said.
"Buchou, what flavor of gum should I get this week?"
"Strawberry," Yukimura said, naming the first fruit that came to mind.
"Thanks, buchou!" Marui exclaimed.
"You're welcome, Bunta," Yukimura said shortly, before hanging up.
Sanada was frowning when Yukimura sat back in his lap, so Yukimura kissed it away. "What's wrong?"
"This happens every time we go over to your house," Sanada began, but was interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing.
Yukimura stomped over to the phone and grabbed it off the hook. "Yukimura residence," he fairly snarled into the receiver. Behind him, Sanada looked mildly surprised at the sudden violence in his tone.
"Ah... Yukimura," Renji's voice came, after a pause. "I was wondering... no, nevermind."
"What?" Yukimura asked impatiently.
"Nevermind," he said. "It is highly likely that you are trying to have some private time with Sanada right now and don't appreciate my calling you. My apologies."
"Thank you, Renji," Yukimura said, and slammed the phone down.
He turned to Sanada with an indescribable expression. Sanada wondered if he should be frightened.
"Sanada," Yukimura said, "I think we should resolve this problem right now."
"Of course, Yukimura," Sanada said.
"Good," Yukimura said, and when the phone started ringing, he picked it up immediately and said in a quiet, steely voice, "Niou. Be at the restaurant on the corner of Fifth and Seventeenth in an hour."
Sanada had no doubt that Niou would listen.
When Yukimura talked in that voice, everybody listened.
---
"Good luck on your triple date!" Yukimura told the six boys, smiling cheerily as he backed away from their table.
"This was a great idea, buchou!" Akaya said, hanging onto Marui's arm and looking ecstatic. Marui was blowing bubbles at three times the usual rate. He looked flushed. Sanada frowned and wondered if he was hyperventilating.
"Thank you for going to all this trouble," Yagyuu said, looking slightly uncomfortable. Niou was smirking. Sanada looked at them disapprovingly. They were playing footsie under the table.
Footsie was absolutely not allowed.
Niou just smirked wider at his frown; Yagyuu coughed and turned a bit pink.
"It was nothing," Yukimura said graciously, tugging Sanada further away.
Renji and Jackal were looking at each other awkwardly.
"I was saving myself for Sadaharu," Renji told Yukimura, blank-faced.
"Um, buchou," Jackal began, inching away from Renji. "I'm straight."
"Nonsense," Yukimura said, chuckling at the very thought. "There's nothing to be ashamed of, you two. You make a very cute couple. Go ahead and kiss."
"But Yukimura," Renji said, looking pained. "I was saving myself for Sadaharu."
Kaidou, who just happened to turn the corner at exactly that moment, froze.
Inui, who had been walking behind him, bumped into his kouhai. "Kaidou? Is something wrong?" he asked, before looking up and spotting his long-lost doubles partner. "Renji!" he cried joyfully.
"Sadaharu!" Renji cried, equally joyful, and abandoned his teammates to run over. "There was only a 1 percent chance of meeting you here!"
"I didn't even put the chance of meeting you into my calculations," Inui said, grinning.
"I suppose we continue to surpass each other's data, then," Renji replied in a soft voice.
Inui blushed. "Oh, Renji..."
Renji suddenly took Inui's hands in his. "Sadaharu, I've been saving myself for you."
"All this time?" Inui asked, gazing lovingly at Renji. "The odds of that were only 4 percent..."
"Data means little between us, Sadaharu," Renji said, smiling. Inui smiled back.
Kaidou slapped Inui across the face.
Inui pulled back from Renji and held a hand to his stinging cheek, looking surprised. "Kaidou... I--"
"Get out," Kaidou said, glaring at his senpai, and pointed at the door.
Inui looked lost for words. He glanced between Kaidou and Renji.
Kaidou glared at him harder, trying to conceal his tears with its force.
Renji looked sad, and stepped back. "I-I'm sorry, Sadaharu. The data... didn't predict this..."
Inui took a deep breath and glanced at Kaidou one last time before taking a step toward Renji. "Didn't you say we surpassed each other's data?" he asked tenderly.
Renji turned his face back up toward Sadaharu and smiled lovingly. "Oh, Sadaharu."
"Oh, Renji," Inui said.
They hugged, and then left the restaurant.
Kaidou burst into tears, unable to suppress them any longer.
"You poor thing," Yukimura said, and put a comforting arm around Kaidou. "You don't need him, anyway. You're better than him."
Kaidou nodded vigorously. He never liked Inui-senpai anyway! He didn't need him. He didn't miss him. He didn't miss the way he would push up his glasses, and he didn't miss his knowing smiles, and he didn't miss the way he...
Kaidou broke into a fresh round of tears.
"Here," Yukimura said, and maneuvered Kaidou around. Kaidou found someone's chest in front of his face, and promptly leaned forward to cry into it.
Jackal looked down at the boy crying into his shirt, then up at Yukimura. "Buchou," he said, "I really am straight."
"Of course you are," Yukimura said, and patted Jackal on the head. He then turned and took Sanada by the arm, walking out of the restaurant with a pleased smile. His job was done.
Now, he and Sanada could finally get their long-awaited private time.
Private Time
SanaYuki, various
Warnings: Just the crack
A/N: So the both of us were talking about tenipuri_rp (which you should join), and how Yukimura and Sanada needed some time away from everyone else, and thanks to several misunderstandings and a lot of good old potcrack it turned out like this! :D
Word Count: 1,035
"I want to spend a nice, quiet day here with you, Sanada," Yukimura said, snuggling happily into his fukubuchou's chest. Sanada looked fondly down at him.
Then the phone rang.
Yukimura stood up to go answer it. "Yukimura residence," he said, lamenting the fact that the phone wasn't cordless. He couldn't go back over to sit with Sanada while he was talking on it.
"Buchou, I'm having a crisis!" Akaya's voice came, sounding panicked.
"What is it, Akaya?" Yukimura sighed.
"I fell asleep on the bus and don't know where I am!" he wailed. Yukimura held the phone away from his ear.
"I sewed a map into the lining of your shoe," he said. "Try to be more careful next time, Akaya."
"Thanks, buchou!" Akaya chirped, before Yukimura hung up.
He plopped himself back in Sanada's lap, and they shared a smile, forgetting the interruption and leaning towards one another for a kiss.
Then the phone rang.
Yukimura sighed again and went over to pick it up. "Yukimura residence," he said.
"Buchou, what flavor of gum should I get this week?"
"Strawberry," Yukimura said, naming the first fruit that came to mind.
"Thanks, buchou!" Marui exclaimed.
"You're welcome, Bunta," Yukimura said shortly, before hanging up.
Sanada was frowning when Yukimura sat back in his lap, so Yukimura kissed it away. "What's wrong?"
"This happens every time we go over to your house," Sanada began, but was interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing.
Yukimura stomped over to the phone and grabbed it off the hook. "Yukimura residence," he fairly snarled into the receiver. Behind him, Sanada looked mildly surprised at the sudden violence in his tone.
"Ah... Yukimura," Renji's voice came, after a pause. "I was wondering... no, nevermind."
"What?" Yukimura asked impatiently.
"Nevermind," he said. "It is highly likely that you are trying to have some private time with Sanada right now and don't appreciate my calling you. My apologies."
"Thank you, Renji," Yukimura said, and slammed the phone down.
He turned to Sanada with an indescribable expression. Sanada wondered if he should be frightened.
"Sanada," Yukimura said, "I think we should resolve this problem right now."
"Of course, Yukimura," Sanada said.
"Good," Yukimura said, and when the phone started ringing, he picked it up immediately and said in a quiet, steely voice, "Niou. Be at the restaurant on the corner of Fifth and Seventeenth in an hour."
Sanada had no doubt that Niou would listen.
When Yukimura talked in that voice, everybody listened.
---
"Good luck on your triple date!" Yukimura told the six boys, smiling cheerily as he backed away from their table.
"This was a great idea, buchou!" Akaya said, hanging onto Marui's arm and looking ecstatic. Marui was blowing bubbles at three times the usual rate. He looked flushed. Sanada frowned and wondered if he was hyperventilating.
"Thank you for going to all this trouble," Yagyuu said, looking slightly uncomfortable. Niou was smirking. Sanada looked at them disapprovingly. They were playing footsie under the table.
Footsie was absolutely not allowed.
Niou just smirked wider at his frown; Yagyuu coughed and turned a bit pink.
"It was nothing," Yukimura said graciously, tugging Sanada further away.
Renji and Jackal were looking at each other awkwardly.
"I was saving myself for Sadaharu," Renji told Yukimura, blank-faced.
"Um, buchou," Jackal began, inching away from Renji. "I'm straight."
"Nonsense," Yukimura said, chuckling at the very thought. "There's nothing to be ashamed of, you two. You make a very cute couple. Go ahead and kiss."
"But Yukimura," Renji said, looking pained. "I was saving myself for Sadaharu."
Kaidou, who just happened to turn the corner at exactly that moment, froze.
Inui, who had been walking behind him, bumped into his kouhai. "Kaidou? Is something wrong?" he asked, before looking up and spotting his long-lost doubles partner. "Renji!" he cried joyfully.
"Sadaharu!" Renji cried, equally joyful, and abandoned his teammates to run over. "There was only a 1 percent chance of meeting you here!"
"I didn't even put the chance of meeting you into my calculations," Inui said, grinning.
"I suppose we continue to surpass each other's data, then," Renji replied in a soft voice.
Inui blushed. "Oh, Renji..."
Renji suddenly took Inui's hands in his. "Sadaharu, I've been saving myself for you."
"All this time?" Inui asked, gazing lovingly at Renji. "The odds of that were only 4 percent..."
"Data means little between us, Sadaharu," Renji said, smiling. Inui smiled back.
Kaidou slapped Inui across the face.
Inui pulled back from Renji and held a hand to his stinging cheek, looking surprised. "Kaidou... I--"
"Get out," Kaidou said, glaring at his senpai, and pointed at the door.
Inui looked lost for words. He glanced between Kaidou and Renji.
Kaidou glared at him harder, trying to conceal his tears with its force.
Renji looked sad, and stepped back. "I-I'm sorry, Sadaharu. The data... didn't predict this..."
Inui took a deep breath and glanced at Kaidou one last time before taking a step toward Renji. "Didn't you say we surpassed each other's data?" he asked tenderly.
Renji turned his face back up toward Sadaharu and smiled lovingly. "Oh, Sadaharu."
"Oh, Renji," Inui said.
They hugged, and then left the restaurant.
Kaidou burst into tears, unable to suppress them any longer.
"You poor thing," Yukimura said, and put a comforting arm around Kaidou. "You don't need him, anyway. You're better than him."
Kaidou nodded vigorously. He never liked Inui-senpai anyway! He didn't need him. He didn't miss him. He didn't miss the way he would push up his glasses, and he didn't miss his knowing smiles, and he didn't miss the way he...
Kaidou broke into a fresh round of tears.
"Here," Yukimura said, and maneuvered Kaidou around. Kaidou found someone's chest in front of his face, and promptly leaned forward to cry into it.
Jackal looked down at the boy crying into his shirt, then up at Yukimura. "Buchou," he said, "I really am straight."
"Of course you are," Yukimura said, and patted Jackal on the head. He then turned and took Sanada by the arm, walking out of the restaurant with a pleased smile. His job was done.
Now, he and Sanada could finally get their long-awaited private time.