...she could feel him slipping through her fingers like a handful of fog.

[evil_inkdrop]

Okay. ::deep breath:: This is The Scene That Would Not Be Written, from the most recent section of Running With The Crow (draft 1). I still don't really like it, but to fiddle with it any longer would make it worse at this point, I think

Comments

[zoi_no_miko]

... more?? *dies* (You're just making sure that I keep stalking you... ^_~)

I like it. It's very hard and dramatic and chilly, very crow-like. And dammit I want to read the rest ^_~ My major problem with it is, as a casual YYH fan, I'm only slightly familillar with Karasu and not at ALL familiar with the other dude, which made it hard to follow the fight. The fact that it's been a while since I read the rest of it probably doesn't help. ^_^;
I also found it a little unclear that Shuichi was dead until you used the word corpse. ^_^;
(I'm also forgetting what happened with Kurama's house...)

(And where's Kuronue? I lost track of him somewhere in there... ;_;)

[evil_inkdrop]

Thanks! ^_^

Okay, yes... I was (still am) worried about the Mayonaka-Hatanaka-Karasu thing. I was worried because Mayonaka (an OC baddie) and Hatanaka (actually a character from the show--though a very very very minor one, though he does marry Kurama's mother...) have similar-sounding names, and also because Karasu is actually in Hatanaka's body, now, and at some point I stop referring to him as Hatanaka and he just becomes Karasu.

It would've probably been clearer that Shuichi died when I put in that Karasu slit his throat. I'll do that just as soon as I figure out how to write it without sounding melodramatic.

ARGH! I hate fight scenes! ~_~ I'm just not good at writing them, especially when they start getting relatively complex. It does need a lot of work

[zoi_no_miko]

Ooh, pretty tortured Kuronue? *perks*
(I shouldn't be so excited for that... *laughs*)