Why I live in a Third Story Apartment
Warning: I haven't proof read this yet for spelling and grammar errors.
Rain splashed against the window panes, rattling them in their old frames. The house was dark and quiet, the wood and plaster walls muffling the wind. The most insistent sound was the drip of water that had found a leak in the roof. Carrie moved through the living room, knowing she had to do something about the lead, to keep the outside out. Where was an empty pail, or plastic garbage can, or a pot? She was holding a pan in her hands, but had found there was a hole in the bottom.
Before she could find a suitable container, the sound of a dog's whining carried in from the back door. Cody wanted in. She walked down the dark hallway, where the hardwood floor ended and was replaced by frayed brown carpet. There was Cody, peering in through the sliding glass door, rain soaking his thick, black hair. Carrie reached for the door handle.
But it wasn't Cody begging to get in. It was a wolf, with eyes that reflected orange in the light. It bared its fangs, growling and slobbering against the window. Carrie cried out in fear as the huge, black animal threw itself against the glass, claws tearing at the door frame. The door shook and the snarls grew more intense, sounding as if the creature was already inside. Carrie started to back away, then froze in the middle of the hall. She could hear the wolf growl and pound against the door. The glass would break at any moment. But worse, the lights in the room behind her had gone out. Staring into the darkness, Carrie raised her trembling hands and clutched at her chest as she heard the sound of long claws scrabbling on wood behind her.
She woke with a start, staring up at the wood ceiling of her bedroom. Her yellow hair was damp with sweat and her blankets were tangled around her legs. She sat up slowly, breathing heavily and listening. There was no rain, no wind, and no snarling. On the floor beside her bed, Cody lay on his side, his barrel chest rising and falling peacefully. Carrie reached out to place her hand on his chest just behind his elbow and drifted back to sleep.
*****
Morning arrived. Carrie woke, showered, combed her short hair so it curled slightly around her cherub face. She ate yogurt and watched the news as Cody leaned against her legs and waited to lick the remains from the cup. Then she let her companion out into the small yard and left for work.
As the day progressed, Carrie found her mind drifting back to the dream again and again. Between meetings with her clients she would sit at her desk and swell on the sound of the animal intent on killing her. But slowly it faded and the last client was met, so Carrie put on her spring green trench coat to head home.
Then it was time to led Cody in, refill his food dish, microwave some leftover Chinese for herself. She sat at her small kitchen table and audited some paperwork as she shoved sweet and sour pork and stale rice into her mouth. Cody was offered something every few bites as he sat with his chin resting on her lap.
It began to rain so Carrie decided against her usual evening jog. Instead the young woman sat down with the latest book by JM Hartford, the next in a series of romantic murder mysteries. With Cody curled up on top of her bare feet, she settled in for a quiet night. The wind rattled the large picture window across the room occasionally, but the rhythm of raindrops was peaceful.
After some time, Carrie realized she wasn't really comprehending the words she was reading. She stood groggily, finding that Cody was no longer keeping her feet warm. Had she let him out earlier? She started toward the hallway when she noticed the sound of dripping. Turning back, she saw water
pooling between the wooden boards of the ceiling, the drops slowly forming then falling with a splash to the floor. Memories of last night rushed into her mind and she turned her eyes to the picture
window.
Six flashing orange and yellow eyes floated in the darkness just beyond the thin glass. After a moment she made out the teeth reflecting the light of her small reading lamp too, white and wicked. She stopped breathing and slowly began to move back into the hallway. But they already knew she was there and all in the same motion the beasts leapt at the window. It shook with the force and Carrie was amazed it didn't shatter right then. She turned and ran toward the back of the house as the monsters howls followed her. But this part of the house was no safer; the huge black wolf from her dream waited at the sliding door, snarling as soon as she came into view. She saw with horror that the door was slightly open, just an inch, but as she watched the animal sniffed at the opening and tried to push its nose through.
Carrie turned towards her bedroom and slammed the flimsy wooden door behind her. She locked it, knowing it would do no good. And even in this room there was one of the thin windows in the old frames that couldn't keep out the cold, much less a determined pack of wolves. Carrie sunk to the ground behind her bed, wrapping her arms around her knees and sobbing in fear. A shadow blocked the light coming in from underneath the door and the sound of the wolf's fetid breath carried across the room.
Carrie cried out when she woke this time, her throat hoarse as if she had been screaming for some time. Cody stood in front of her, whining and watching her with confused brown eyes. She looked around at the dark living room. The rain had stopped and it was pitch black outside the window. She had her book lying open in her lap. "C'mon, Cody," she said in a small, trembling voice as she led the dog quickly to her room. She knew it was silly, but she shut and locked the door behind them before climbing into bed.
*****
A clock ticked in a small, brown room. Carrie sat comfortably in a large, deep arm chair, holding a mug of tea in her hands. Across from her was an older woman, holding a notepad on her lap, and peering through reading glasses as she took notes. Carrie crossed her ankles and hesitated before saying, “I've been having this dream.”
“What is the dream about?” the other woman asked in her calming, monotone voice, scribbling another note.
“It's this dream I used to have when I was a kid. There are wolves outside, I can see them through the window, and they're trying to get in to kill me.” She shifted her mug into one hand and brought her other hand to her eyes to rub at them. Her fingers were warm from the hot tea and it soothed the slight headache she felt coming on. “It started again when I moved into this new place. You know, I didn't like that it was at level. I guess wolves can't get in when you live in a third floor apartment.” She laughed lightly.
“When you first moved, you were proud of the fact that you were buying a place and excited about fixing it up.”
Carrie nodded. “I'm not saying I don't like it. But maybe these dreams mean something? Not that wolves are going to eat me, but...”
“What do you think it means?”
Carrie sighed. She had wanted her therapist to tell her that. But she knew that therapists didn't work that way. “Maybe it's too much. I haven't had any time to do any work yet. Maybe it's stressing me out.”
“You feel it's too big for you to handle. Like you don't have control of the situation?”
“Yes that might be true,” Carrie agrees hesitantly, “I don't like not being in control.”
The therapist nodded. “So you've told me. How often are you having this dream?”
“It's been every night this week.”
The older woman leaned forward. “Then tonight, I have something I want you to try.”
*****
That night, Carrie slipped into her blue silk pajamas and crawled into bed. Cody flopped onto his side on the floor next to her as he always did. Carrie laid in bed, listening to the steady sound of the dog's breathing for a few minutes. Then she slowly lifted her hands up in front of her face and examined her palms. Quietly she repeated what her therapist had told her to say, “Tonight while I dream, I will see my hands and realize I'm dreaming.”
She felt ridiculous, but she kept repeating it over and over. “Tonight while I dream, I will see my hands and realize I'm dreaming. Tonight while I dream, I will see my hands and realize I'm dreaming...” the words started to melt together as her eyelids dropped and she began to mutter. After a few minutes she let her hands drop to her chest and she closed her eyes, quickly overcome by sleep.
She woke up in the living room. It was raining again, and water dripped from the leak in the ceiling. She was standing on the edge of the puddle that was forming and the cold of the water sent a chill up her spine. She moved, turning around slowly to look around the dark room. She hadn't turned on any lights when she came out here. Suddenly, a roll of thunder seemed to shake the whole house and she jumped, automatically looking towards the picture window to see how long it would take for the lightening to flash.
The wolves were there. Three of them again, their eyes shining yellow despite the fact that there was no light to reflect off them. It seemed as if they had been waiting for her to notice them; only now did they move, leaping forward to slobber against the window. The lightening flashed and Carrie saw for a moment how large the creatures were. They weren't wolves, she realized. They were too big, their shoulders rose sharply to above her waist and their backs sloped to plume-like tails. The clawed paws that scraped against the window were as big as human hands. Carrie didn't stand long to observe other differences; she turned to try to run towards her room, just like in her last dream.
The hall usually seemed to go on for miles in her dreams, but tonight she reached the end in three running steps. Her eyes moved to the sliding glass door and she came to a sudden stop. Rain poured into the house from the completely open door. Nothing was standing there. Carrie closed her eyes, tears forming at the corners, not wanting to look towards her bedroom. But the low growl in that direction forced her to turn and open her eyes.
The black wolf-monster was bigger than the rest. Its eyes glowed orange above its open maw. It's tongue lolled and slobber dripped from its black lips. It growled again, hackles up and ears back, then began to move towards Carrie, each huge black paw stepping carefully forward with each step that Carrie took back.
Carrie started to raise her hands, and when the backs of them came into her line of vision, she remembered, and slowly turned them around to focus on her palms. She stopped, staring at them, and the wolf stopped to watch her. She spoke hoarsely, “I'm dreaming. I'm fucking dreaming.”
She looked up at the wolf and then her brow knit together. Baring her own teeth she shouted, “Get out of my fucking house!”
The hair on the creature's back smoothed out, and its ears stood up as it gave Carrie a surprised look. It curled its lip, exposing the fangs again, but the woman stood her ground. It cocked its head, made a huffing noise as it blew air out through its lips, then it trotted past Carrie to the door and out into the rain.
Carrie pressed against the wall as her nightmare walked outside. It was still raining, but she couldn't hear any attempts to break through the window in the other room. She breathed, realizing that she hadn't been doing so since she had shouted. The rain continued to blow in and soak the carpet. She carefully stepped forward, the carpet squishing between her toes, and took the handle of the door in her hand. It was cold outside. She could feel the wind biting through her clothing. She hesitated as lightening flashed again. There were the wolves, all for of them, standing semi-circle out in the grass. They stood with heads up, ears alert, watching her. Carrie stared back. “I'm dreaming,” she repeated, swaying a little, “this is my dream and I get to do whatever I want.”
And she stepped outside.
Carrie ran. Her claws tore at the soft earth as the other wolves led her into their world. The rain soaked her fur and plastered it against her skin, but she didn't feel cold. The air around her steamed. She could see the breath of her pack rising ahead like flags, as they rushed between the trees. She could smell them as a strong, comforting musk, standing out sharply against the cool smells of growing plants and pooling water. And then there was another warm smell, just ahead, and in the night they saw something dart away through the ferns, breath steaming and eyes white with fear.
***
Carrie woke up in bed with the blankets on the floor. She stared at the ceiling, remembering her dream. After a moment, she smiled. She had never had a dream like that before. She sat up, starting to stretch,when she saw her hands. She trembled slightly as she observed the dirt covering her palms and wedged under her fingernails. She looked down at herself, realizing she was naked and streaked with mud. There was a huffing noise from the floor and she looked to see Cody watching her, his head resting on his front paws, eyes and ears alert.
Rain splashed against the window panes, rattling them in their old frames. The house was dark and quiet, the wood and plaster walls muffling the wind. The most insistent sound was the drip of water that had found a leak in the roof. Carrie moved through the living room, knowing she had to do something about the lead, to keep the outside out. Where was an empty pail, or plastic garbage can, or a pot? She was holding a pan in her hands, but had found there was a hole in the bottom.
Before she could find a suitable container, the sound of a dog's whining carried in from the back door. Cody wanted in. She walked down the dark hallway, where the hardwood floor ended and was replaced by frayed brown carpet. There was Cody, peering in through the sliding glass door, rain soaking his thick, black hair. Carrie reached for the door handle.
But it wasn't Cody begging to get in. It was a wolf, with eyes that reflected orange in the light. It bared its fangs, growling and slobbering against the window. Carrie cried out in fear as the huge, black animal threw itself against the glass, claws tearing at the door frame. The door shook and the snarls grew more intense, sounding as if the creature was already inside. Carrie started to back away, then froze in the middle of the hall. She could hear the wolf growl and pound against the door. The glass would break at any moment. But worse, the lights in the room behind her had gone out. Staring into the darkness, Carrie raised her trembling hands and clutched at her chest as she heard the sound of long claws scrabbling on wood behind her.
She woke with a start, staring up at the wood ceiling of her bedroom. Her yellow hair was damp with sweat and her blankets were tangled around her legs. She sat up slowly, breathing heavily and listening. There was no rain, no wind, and no snarling. On the floor beside her bed, Cody lay on his side, his barrel chest rising and falling peacefully. Carrie reached out to place her hand on his chest just behind his elbow and drifted back to sleep.
*****
Morning arrived. Carrie woke, showered, combed her short hair so it curled slightly around her cherub face. She ate yogurt and watched the news as Cody leaned against her legs and waited to lick the remains from the cup. Then she let her companion out into the small yard and left for work.
As the day progressed, Carrie found her mind drifting back to the dream again and again. Between meetings with her clients she would sit at her desk and swell on the sound of the animal intent on killing her. But slowly it faded and the last client was met, so Carrie put on her spring green trench coat to head home.
Then it was time to led Cody in, refill his food dish, microwave some leftover Chinese for herself. She sat at her small kitchen table and audited some paperwork as she shoved sweet and sour pork and stale rice into her mouth. Cody was offered something every few bites as he sat with his chin resting on her lap.
It began to rain so Carrie decided against her usual evening jog. Instead the young woman sat down with the latest book by JM Hartford, the next in a series of romantic murder mysteries. With Cody curled up on top of her bare feet, she settled in for a quiet night. The wind rattled the large picture window across the room occasionally, but the rhythm of raindrops was peaceful.
After some time, Carrie realized she wasn't really comprehending the words she was reading. She stood groggily, finding that Cody was no longer keeping her feet warm. Had she let him out earlier? She started toward the hallway when she noticed the sound of dripping. Turning back, she saw water
pooling between the wooden boards of the ceiling, the drops slowly forming then falling with a splash to the floor. Memories of last night rushed into her mind and she turned her eyes to the picture
window.
Six flashing orange and yellow eyes floated in the darkness just beyond the thin glass. After a moment she made out the teeth reflecting the light of her small reading lamp too, white and wicked. She stopped breathing and slowly began to move back into the hallway. But they already knew she was there and all in the same motion the beasts leapt at the window. It shook with the force and Carrie was amazed it didn't shatter right then. She turned and ran toward the back of the house as the monsters howls followed her. But this part of the house was no safer; the huge black wolf from her dream waited at the sliding door, snarling as soon as she came into view. She saw with horror that the door was slightly open, just an inch, but as she watched the animal sniffed at the opening and tried to push its nose through.
Carrie turned towards her bedroom and slammed the flimsy wooden door behind her. She locked it, knowing it would do no good. And even in this room there was one of the thin windows in the old frames that couldn't keep out the cold, much less a determined pack of wolves. Carrie sunk to the ground behind her bed, wrapping her arms around her knees and sobbing in fear. A shadow blocked the light coming in from underneath the door and the sound of the wolf's fetid breath carried across the room.
Carrie cried out when she woke this time, her throat hoarse as if she had been screaming for some time. Cody stood in front of her, whining and watching her with confused brown eyes. She looked around at the dark living room. The rain had stopped and it was pitch black outside the window. She had her book lying open in her lap. "C'mon, Cody," she said in a small, trembling voice as she led the dog quickly to her room. She knew it was silly, but she shut and locked the door behind them before climbing into bed.
*****
A clock ticked in a small, brown room. Carrie sat comfortably in a large, deep arm chair, holding a mug of tea in her hands. Across from her was an older woman, holding a notepad on her lap, and peering through reading glasses as she took notes. Carrie crossed her ankles and hesitated before saying, “I've been having this dream.”
“What is the dream about?” the other woman asked in her calming, monotone voice, scribbling another note.
“It's this dream I used to have when I was a kid. There are wolves outside, I can see them through the window, and they're trying to get in to kill me.” She shifted her mug into one hand and brought her other hand to her eyes to rub at them. Her fingers were warm from the hot tea and it soothed the slight headache she felt coming on. “It started again when I moved into this new place. You know, I didn't like that it was at level. I guess wolves can't get in when you live in a third floor apartment.” She laughed lightly.
“When you first moved, you were proud of the fact that you were buying a place and excited about fixing it up.”
Carrie nodded. “I'm not saying I don't like it. But maybe these dreams mean something? Not that wolves are going to eat me, but...”
“What do you think it means?”
Carrie sighed. She had wanted her therapist to tell her that. But she knew that therapists didn't work that way. “Maybe it's too much. I haven't had any time to do any work yet. Maybe it's stressing me out.”
“You feel it's too big for you to handle. Like you don't have control of the situation?”
“Yes that might be true,” Carrie agrees hesitantly, “I don't like not being in control.”
The therapist nodded. “So you've told me. How often are you having this dream?”
“It's been every night this week.”
The older woman leaned forward. “Then tonight, I have something I want you to try.”
*****
That night, Carrie slipped into her blue silk pajamas and crawled into bed. Cody flopped onto his side on the floor next to her as he always did. Carrie laid in bed, listening to the steady sound of the dog's breathing for a few minutes. Then she slowly lifted her hands up in front of her face and examined her palms. Quietly she repeated what her therapist had told her to say, “Tonight while I dream, I will see my hands and realize I'm dreaming.”
She felt ridiculous, but she kept repeating it over and over. “Tonight while I dream, I will see my hands and realize I'm dreaming. Tonight while I dream, I will see my hands and realize I'm dreaming...” the words started to melt together as her eyelids dropped and she began to mutter. After a few minutes she let her hands drop to her chest and she closed her eyes, quickly overcome by sleep.
She woke up in the living room. It was raining again, and water dripped from the leak in the ceiling. She was standing on the edge of the puddle that was forming and the cold of the water sent a chill up her spine. She moved, turning around slowly to look around the dark room. She hadn't turned on any lights when she came out here. Suddenly, a roll of thunder seemed to shake the whole house and she jumped, automatically looking towards the picture window to see how long it would take for the lightening to flash.
The wolves were there. Three of them again, their eyes shining yellow despite the fact that there was no light to reflect off them. It seemed as if they had been waiting for her to notice them; only now did they move, leaping forward to slobber against the window. The lightening flashed and Carrie saw for a moment how large the creatures were. They weren't wolves, she realized. They were too big, their shoulders rose sharply to above her waist and their backs sloped to plume-like tails. The clawed paws that scraped against the window were as big as human hands. Carrie didn't stand long to observe other differences; she turned to try to run towards her room, just like in her last dream.
The hall usually seemed to go on for miles in her dreams, but tonight she reached the end in three running steps. Her eyes moved to the sliding glass door and she came to a sudden stop. Rain poured into the house from the completely open door. Nothing was standing there. Carrie closed her eyes, tears forming at the corners, not wanting to look towards her bedroom. But the low growl in that direction forced her to turn and open her eyes.
The black wolf-monster was bigger than the rest. Its eyes glowed orange above its open maw. It's tongue lolled and slobber dripped from its black lips. It growled again, hackles up and ears back, then began to move towards Carrie, each huge black paw stepping carefully forward with each step that Carrie took back.
Carrie started to raise her hands, and when the backs of them came into her line of vision, she remembered, and slowly turned them around to focus on her palms. She stopped, staring at them, and the wolf stopped to watch her. She spoke hoarsely, “I'm dreaming. I'm fucking dreaming.”
She looked up at the wolf and then her brow knit together. Baring her own teeth she shouted, “Get out of my fucking house!”
The hair on the creature's back smoothed out, and its ears stood up as it gave Carrie a surprised look. It curled its lip, exposing the fangs again, but the woman stood her ground. It cocked its head, made a huffing noise as it blew air out through its lips, then it trotted past Carrie to the door and out into the rain.
Carrie pressed against the wall as her nightmare walked outside. It was still raining, but she couldn't hear any attempts to break through the window in the other room. She breathed, realizing that she hadn't been doing so since she had shouted. The rain continued to blow in and soak the carpet. She carefully stepped forward, the carpet squishing between her toes, and took the handle of the door in her hand. It was cold outside. She could feel the wind biting through her clothing. She hesitated as lightening flashed again. There were the wolves, all for of them, standing semi-circle out in the grass. They stood with heads up, ears alert, watching her. Carrie stared back. “I'm dreaming,” she repeated, swaying a little, “this is my dream and I get to do whatever I want.”
And she stepped outside.
Carrie ran. Her claws tore at the soft earth as the other wolves led her into their world. The rain soaked her fur and plastered it against her skin, but she didn't feel cold. The air around her steamed. She could see the breath of her pack rising ahead like flags, as they rushed between the trees. She could smell them as a strong, comforting musk, standing out sharply against the cool smells of growing plants and pooling water. And then there was another warm smell, just ahead, and in the night they saw something dart away through the ferns, breath steaming and eyes white with fear.
***
Carrie woke up in bed with the blankets on the floor. She stared at the ceiling, remembering her dream. After a moment, she smiled. She had never had a dream like that before. She sat up, starting to stretch,when she saw her hands. She trembled slightly as she observed the dirt covering her palms and wedged under her fingernails. She looked down at herself, realizing she was naked and streaked with mud. There was a huffing noise from the floor and she looked to see Cody watching her, his head resting on his front paws, eyes and ears alert.