(no subject)
my crab died. *cries*. The sad thing is that i didn't really cry. I took him out to play with him 2 minutes ago and he just fell right out of his shell. i felt bad throwing him away. I mean i know he doesn't know he's not getting a proper burial but i dunno. I couldn't cry though b/c this whole pet dying on me thing happens alot. I'm used to it. i think i've learned to ecept the fact that eventually everything dies. it really does suck though because i got Harry for my birthday and he was one of my favortie pets.
Anyway. I noticed that everyone at the communities post their writting without a thought of who would steal it and call it theirs. i wish i had the balls to that... well, guess what! I'm pissed again! I don't know why but i fucking am damnit. It could be b/c harry but i think i'm just tired of this journal shit. I always feel like journals are just me talking to my fucking self. If i wanted to do that, well hell i could just write a note to myself. Save myself some trouble and internet time.it'a crazy how when i listen to soft music i get pissed off but when i listen to heavy music i feel calm. I went to sleep yestarday listening to Slayer.... and if know who that is it's pretty damn weird to feel content while listening to that of all things. Right now i'm listening to Lacnua Coil and i feel like hitting something. why is that. . . oh maybe it's b/c i know my dad will be comming home soon and i can't stand that bastard!!! i the only reason why i don't mind him being alive is b/c mum loves him for some reason and my sisters do to. Plus without him we would be even more poor than we already are if possible.... or even better if he wasn't here at all i wouldn't be! THAT is what gets to me the most and i think he's knows it so he flaunts it at me. He likes to show me that this is what i got and it's the only i can have for as long as i live. I'm apart of him and knowing that he made me makes me hate both him and myself more. What kinda dad screams and his 5 year old daughter for calling him daddy or threatens to hit us if we say dad at the end of any sentence? What the fuck?!?! There you go DADDY! add on to everything that is turning to shit in my life! Sometimes i could so close to just screaming "FUCK YOU" in his face but i already know the outcome of that. Look what i get for being suspended from school! It's only 3 dayz. i didn't hurt anyone and my grades aren't getting worse whats the big fucking deal damnit!?! yes i've made mistakes but so have you motherfucker and thats what you tell us everyday. You tell us we are pussies you tell us we are fallowers you say anything that you know will bring us down in the worst possible way. i still have yet to find out why the hell i cry when he yells at me for the stupid shit he yells at me about. maybe it's b/c i am wish that for at least one day i could have a fucking" Father" that cares! Fuckit! I'm So fucking Close to giving it up...fuck you, fuck my so call friends, fuck debi, fuck kayla, fuck every body! and fuck you!
Sorry. . . i'm so pissed off and i do not even need to be in the presents of ppl right now. Can you believe Chris's mom actually e-mailed me and told me stay away from her son.... That little assholes been fallowing me around bitch!
oh. . . i really . . . i dunno. . . I'm having a nervus brakedown at this exact moment. . . . *cries*