and a partridge in a pear tree
i feel that grand illumination marks the official beginning of the christmas season.
it's that time of year again, folks! the time of year where major architectural structures are bedecked with garlands and wreaths; where christmas cheer is piped through sound systems at discount stores; where the commercials on TV are aggravatingly featuring couples in various stages of holiday merriment. you know the ones that i'm talking about. the ones that go something like this:
[scene: bustling train station. beautiful woman is sitting on bench, clearly freezing but determined to wait for her love to arrive. ah! her face is lighting up! could it be her darling boyfriend-husband-lover-platonic-friend-with-benefits?? let's find out!]
woman: oh! is that you?
very attractive man wearing heavy wool coat: did you think that i wouldn't come?
woman [bashfully]: oh i don't know.
[he puts his arm around her, and she snuggles into his shoulder. he's slipping his hand into his pocket, and pulls out a little velvet box]
woman [surprise]: oh! [looks into his eyes with astonishment and wonder]
man: [meaningful look back] yes.
woman: [opens box] OHHHHhhhhhhhh it's beeeee-YOOOOOOO-teee-fuulllllll!! [more orgasmic expressions of pleasure]
[scene pans out to pretty glittery presentations of diamond earrings and the like. voice-over: tell you how much you love her this holiday season with a fine selection of fine jewelry from a fine jewelry maker like larry's gallery of fine jewelry. because every love story begins with L.]
hurrah for packaged love! i don't know about you, but i am quite averse to this sort of holiday advertising and its connotations that the holidays are a time for romance and expensive expressions of affection. for many of us, holiday romance isn't in the forecast. forget having cozy moments involving shiny accessories; just having a guy is an ordeal. and you know, finding a guy isn't the real problem; it's trying to figure out how one feels about the stupid male person in the first place. there are so many factors to consider in during that pre-relationship phase; this awkward stage is further complicated by the contagious wafts of holiday coupliness that rears its ugly head every time you turn on the TV or turn the corner and find everyone paired up and walking hand in hand. i mean, you have to wonder: does he actually like me, or does he just consider me a good friend? if i were to go out with him, and it ends up failing miserably, would we still be friends? or would that destroy the lovely friendship that we have now? oh god, do i really want to risk that? do i even have a chance, or am i just hallucinating out my ears??
that complex tension between head and heart that is like being stuck in a migrain while trying to squeeze out of a tangled, woolly sweater two sizes too small. feeling like one's head is about to explode does not make for quality holiday cheer. observe:
heart: wow. what a nice, nice guy. you know, i really could go for--
head: are you CRAZY?? you're not even really friends right now!
heart: but we could be!
head: you're scared to talk to him.
heart: you know that is really beside the point.
head: he doesn't even go to your SCHOOL. he lives TWO HOURS AWAY.
heart: well, yes...but long-distance works for some people--
head: oh yeah. it works sooo well. b/c it worked sooo well the last time.
heart: that was different! things are totally different now!
head: you always fall for douchebags. he will turn out to be a total punk in 3 months, mark my words.
heart: you know, sometimes i do fall for nice guys. and he could be a very very nice guy, you know?
head: you want to be broken again? smashed onto the floor and ground under his unappreciating boot heel?
heart: maybe it won't be like that this time!
head: fine. yeah. you know what, you do what makes you happy. don't come crying to me in a few weeks going "boo hoo hoo, he doesn't like me at all, cry cry cry, he's in love with someone else, i was just a good friend, but oh, sadness, i was so happy when i was with him, i really thought that we had a chance, weepy weepy mcweeperson."
heart: i want to strangle you right now. you think that i shouldn't pursue this? maybe i have a chance.
head: maybe eating lard doesn't make you fat.
heart: [glare] nevermind. i think i'll just stay single. forever. [goes off to crochet a scarf for abused women]
head: good girl. [goes off to work on eliminating potential boy from all thought processes]
so yeah. very complicated and more than a little bit annoying. after that, you don't want to go around wishing people a merry christmas; you want to go after happy couples with a yule log. the key is to not think about him. but, this is very hard for you are constantly exposed to things that remind of boy and potential relationship with aforementioned boy. it's a wee bit hard to put him out of your mind. but you know, sometimes you just gotta set your emotional autopilot to indifference, and move on with your life. think of the great things that you've got instead, not what you're missing. count your blessings: great friends, wonderful family, lime-green scarves, vending machine downstairs that sells caramel hershey bars. no boy can replicate the simple joy brought by a twinkly string of christmas lights.
in the words of shawna, "vicky, what will you do when you actually find the perfect guy? you won't have anything to rant about anymore!" you know, i honestly don't know. i really am not as bitter and whiny as i seem, it's just that writing lends itself so well to exaggeration of a situation. at any rate, fear not, i don't foresee a lack of material any time soon.
good luck on finals, everyone!
it's that time of year again, folks! the time of year where major architectural structures are bedecked with garlands and wreaths; where christmas cheer is piped through sound systems at discount stores; where the commercials on TV are aggravatingly featuring couples in various stages of holiday merriment. you know the ones that i'm talking about. the ones that go something like this:
[scene: bustling train station. beautiful woman is sitting on bench, clearly freezing but determined to wait for her love to arrive. ah! her face is lighting up! could it be her darling boyfriend-husband-lover-platonic-friend-with-benefits?? let's find out!]
woman: oh! is that you?
very attractive man wearing heavy wool coat: did you think that i wouldn't come?
woman [bashfully]: oh i don't know.
[he puts his arm around her, and she snuggles into his shoulder. he's slipping his hand into his pocket, and pulls out a little velvet box]
woman [surprise]: oh! [looks into his eyes with astonishment and wonder]
man: [meaningful look back] yes.
woman: [opens box] OHHHHhhhhhhhh it's beeeee-YOOOOOOO-teee-fuulllllll!! [more orgasmic expressions of pleasure]
[scene pans out to pretty glittery presentations of diamond earrings and the like. voice-over: tell you how much you love her this holiday season with a fine selection of fine jewelry from a fine jewelry maker like larry's gallery of fine jewelry. because every love story begins with L.]
hurrah for packaged love! i don't know about you, but i am quite averse to this sort of holiday advertising and its connotations that the holidays are a time for romance and expensive expressions of affection. for many of us, holiday romance isn't in the forecast. forget having cozy moments involving shiny accessories; just having a guy is an ordeal. and you know, finding a guy isn't the real problem; it's trying to figure out how one feels about the stupid male person in the first place. there are so many factors to consider in during that pre-relationship phase; this awkward stage is further complicated by the contagious wafts of holiday coupliness that rears its ugly head every time you turn on the TV or turn the corner and find everyone paired up and walking hand in hand. i mean, you have to wonder: does he actually like me, or does he just consider me a good friend? if i were to go out with him, and it ends up failing miserably, would we still be friends? or would that destroy the lovely friendship that we have now? oh god, do i really want to risk that? do i even have a chance, or am i just hallucinating out my ears??
that complex tension between head and heart that is like being stuck in a migrain while trying to squeeze out of a tangled, woolly sweater two sizes too small. feeling like one's head is about to explode does not make for quality holiday cheer. observe:
heart: wow. what a nice, nice guy. you know, i really could go for--
head: are you CRAZY?? you're not even really friends right now!
heart: but we could be!
head: you're scared to talk to him.
heart: you know that is really beside the point.
head: he doesn't even go to your SCHOOL. he lives TWO HOURS AWAY.
heart: well, yes...but long-distance works for some people--
head: oh yeah. it works sooo well. b/c it worked sooo well the last time.
heart: that was different! things are totally different now!
head: you always fall for douchebags. he will turn out to be a total punk in 3 months, mark my words.
heart: you know, sometimes i do fall for nice guys. and he could be a very very nice guy, you know?
head: you want to be broken again? smashed onto the floor and ground under his unappreciating boot heel?
heart: maybe it won't be like that this time!
head: fine. yeah. you know what, you do what makes you happy. don't come crying to me in a few weeks going "boo hoo hoo, he doesn't like me at all, cry cry cry, he's in love with someone else, i was just a good friend, but oh, sadness, i was so happy when i was with him, i really thought that we had a chance, weepy weepy mcweeperson."
heart: i want to strangle you right now. you think that i shouldn't pursue this? maybe i have a chance.
head: maybe eating lard doesn't make you fat.
heart: [glare] nevermind. i think i'll just stay single. forever. [goes off to crochet a scarf for abused women]
head: good girl. [goes off to work on eliminating potential boy from all thought processes]
so yeah. very complicated and more than a little bit annoying. after that, you don't want to go around wishing people a merry christmas; you want to go after happy couples with a yule log. the key is to not think about him. but, this is very hard for you are constantly exposed to things that remind of boy and potential relationship with aforementioned boy. it's a wee bit hard to put him out of your mind. but you know, sometimes you just gotta set your emotional autopilot to indifference, and move on with your life. think of the great things that you've got instead, not what you're missing. count your blessings: great friends, wonderful family, lime-green scarves, vending machine downstairs that sells caramel hershey bars. no boy can replicate the simple joy brought by a twinkly string of christmas lights.
in the words of shawna, "vicky, what will you do when you actually find the perfect guy? you won't have anything to rant about anymore!" you know, i honestly don't know. i really am not as bitter and whiny as i seem, it's just that writing lends itself so well to exaggeration of a situation. at any rate, fear not, i don't foresee a lack of material any time soon.
good luck on finals, everyone!