(no subject)
Alright slaves, as irresistable as I am, you're going to have to ignore your insatiable lust for me for about 2 minutes while I explain my diabolical plans.
THAT INCLUDES YOU, BLIMP BUTT!! Ugh, I'm going to have to brush my teeth for days after you and Sitar Slave...
Moving on.
First is the business with Phantom Freak, also referred to as Epros. As you all have realized, the stupid bastard can't even remember his own name right, so we'll just have to beat it into him like last time! The way I figure it, he's been subjected to a lobotomy, just as Wide Hips and Slave have. He still thinks of himself as the Phantom Evil King, which is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE!! I'm the only Evil King around here! The last thing I need is some fake floating pretty-boy warlock going around claiming my rightful dark kingdom!!! Not to mention getting Bubbly Annoyance out of my hair...
The obvious course of action is to smack him into submission like the events at the Gear Tower. Which, sadly, only Linda will remember because THE REST OF YOU CAN'T HOLD ONTO WHAT FEW BRAIN CELLS YOU POSSESS!!!
To catch you pathetic stragglers (and Baseball Slave and Sitar Slave) up to speed: He rhymes, he floats, and he's nearly untouchable unless you throw bottles at him. Which, for some absurd reason, is the only thing that damages him aside from magic. DON'T ASK ME WHY BOTTLES. I WOULD ASSUME OTHER LARGE BLUNT OBJECTS WOULD DO THE TRICK, BUT APPARENTLY NOT. That is... with his chip out. I doubt he's quite up to speed at the moment, so let's use his arrogance to our advantage and TAKE HIM DOWN!! Just in case, bring some glass bottles. If all else fails, you're all to aim for the head.
...Hero, as soon as you stop being a rock with its own orbit, if you so wish to come along, I won't stop you. I'm the only Evil King allowed to kill you, after all. The same applies to you, Twig Princess.
Now onto our next subjects:
That shrimpy wizard boy-thing that's turning everyone into hats: I will not tolerate some childish spellcaster one-upping my past poisonings of the water supply!! However... while I'd normally obliterate such a pest before he becomes a minor threat to my power, I could use such dark magic on my side. Until I confront him directly, whichever one of you who knows the runt should persuade him to join our side. Be sure to mention how awesomely powerful I am and how I am going to rule the universe. If that doesn't work, punch him in the head and give him to me, hehehehe...
That one country with the funny hat: Aha, and now to reveal the project I've been working on for the past few weeks...
PRUSSISTAN!
I WILL DEFEAT THIS PITIFUL NATION OF "PRUSSIA" AND CLAIM IT AS MY OWN!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
I can save a ruined city for later. An entire nation is a far better prize for such a menevolent overlord such as myself, wouldn't you agree?
The cockroach "overlord" and that green thing: I will destroy them.
[Edit] AND I GUESS THAT STUBBORN JACKIE GUY WHO HAS A VENDETTA AGAINST ME BECAUSE I KILLED HIS WIFE.
Questions? Comments? Concerns? I don't care. Just do what I say!!!
If anyone happens to see a fruity-looking man carrying cards, point him my direction.
[ooc: Most replies will come tomorrow!]