now that time is getting harder to come by...
I don't want to grow up.
Not for the conventional reason, where you forever want the freedom of childhood.
I don't want to forget.
As you grow older, you slowly begin to lose things. Small things, at first, like the theme song to a silly children's show, but then it's the name of your first crush. Forgotten memories gradually augment, until you realize your recollection of an entire year is left only in bits and pieces. Not that it's so much of a terrible loss, of course, for it was only elementary school, and nothing of great significance is ever borne from there. But it's not as if the cycle miraculously ends there; inevitably, as time ceases to pass, so do memories dissipate. Without memory, though, where do we stand in this world? Without anything to go on, we are nothing.
Perhaps that is why I'm so afraid to leave the past in its rightful place. Youth is not intended to be left behind. Our youth is what shapes us into who we are to be. Guaranteed, I would be a completely different person if it weren't for certain events and influences in my life. And if they too are lost amidst the sea of negligibility, how am I supposed to remember myself?
Even by losing a single memory, my foundation is weaker. With everything that is lost to this abyss, my very person is diminished. I don't want to leave a goddamn trace of memory behind to be discovered by someone who can never fully grasp its value. The thing is, I take it all for granted. I never just step back to appreciate all the unadulterated love that I have been gifted with in the form of my friends.
These are the most unbelievably amazing people I have ever met. They evoke the strongest feelings in me, and make me realize why it is that I continue to put up with the rest of the world. Without them, I would be but an empty shell. If everything else leaves me, let me keep this. Let me keep impromptu hysterical laughter, lying on driveways, walking without purpose or direction, falling asleep on the phone. Never let me forget the ridiculous insults, affectionate violence, endless sexual innuendos, ten-hour phone conversations, innumerable inside jokes. I even want the countless scars, unnecessary bitching, ridiculous immaturity, overconfidence, violent mood swings, excessive degradation. There is nothing worth leaving out, because without it all I'm simply incomplete.
As of now, I feel as though none of this could possibly end. It's all such an essential part of me that I can't envision being without my friends. I'm taking that as an indication that I'll never have to face life alone.
Not for the conventional reason, where you forever want the freedom of childhood.
I don't want to forget.
As you grow older, you slowly begin to lose things. Small things, at first, like the theme song to a silly children's show, but then it's the name of your first crush. Forgotten memories gradually augment, until you realize your recollection of an entire year is left only in bits and pieces. Not that it's so much of a terrible loss, of course, for it was only elementary school, and nothing of great significance is ever borne from there. But it's not as if the cycle miraculously ends there; inevitably, as time ceases to pass, so do memories dissipate. Without memory, though, where do we stand in this world? Without anything to go on, we are nothing.
Perhaps that is why I'm so afraid to leave the past in its rightful place. Youth is not intended to be left behind. Our youth is what shapes us into who we are to be. Guaranteed, I would be a completely different person if it weren't for certain events and influences in my life. And if they too are lost amidst the sea of negligibility, how am I supposed to remember myself?
Even by losing a single memory, my foundation is weaker. With everything that is lost to this abyss, my very person is diminished. I don't want to leave a goddamn trace of memory behind to be discovered by someone who can never fully grasp its value. The thing is, I take it all for granted. I never just step back to appreciate all the unadulterated love that I have been gifted with in the form of my friends.
These are the most unbelievably amazing people I have ever met. They evoke the strongest feelings in me, and make me realize why it is that I continue to put up with the rest of the world. Without them, I would be but an empty shell. If everything else leaves me, let me keep this. Let me keep impromptu hysterical laughter, lying on driveways, walking without purpose or direction, falling asleep on the phone. Never let me forget the ridiculous insults, affectionate violence, endless sexual innuendos, ten-hour phone conversations, innumerable inside jokes. I even want the countless scars, unnecessary bitching, ridiculous immaturity, overconfidence, violent mood swings, excessive degradation. There is nothing worth leaving out, because without it all I'm simply incomplete.
As of now, I feel as though none of this could possibly end. It's all such an essential part of me that I can't envision being without my friends. I'm taking that as an indication that I'll never have to face life alone.