(no subject)
Today I had one of those random memories that like to pop up now and then. In highschool, we where required to take a class that was all about budgeting, banking, saving, etc. The big project was to think about the kind of life we wanted (type of house, pets, kids, etc) and make a fake budget around it. We where told to make this as realistic as possible.
Now, this was in a small Midwestern town. I had less than 20 in my graduating class to give you an idea. It just so happened that the entirety of this particular class was made up of seven females. A few planned on a small house one kid and a husband. Most wanted a three bedroom house and two kids. A few people wanted dogs. Everyone wanted a car for each adult. They all wanted to live in the country and have big yards for the family. Pretty much your typical variations of the "American Dream".
My best friend was also in that class. She wanted to marry the person she was dating, adopt four kids, and live in a four to five bedroom house in a nearby town that was a little bigger,and to have a dog. She wanted a van and a used car for her to get to work.
The teacher tore into her. Highschool relationships don't work. Adoption isn't the same as giving your husband his own child. Note that my friend's brother is adopted. Also, every woman in her family has had to get a hysterectomy before 30. A big house is unrealistic in this day and age and a dog would not do well with those children. Her vehicle choice was also wrong. She will need two vans and also her kids will grow up in daycare if she works.
I stated that I was unsure if I ever wanted to get married, wanted a one room apartment in a bigger city, three cats, no car (one if I had a husband because he'd probably drive), and no kids.
That answer was also wrong. Not knowing if you want to get married is immature at 17. Factors like career, compatibility, the odds of finding someone you'd be willing to spend a lifetime with, and marriage vs living together don't matter. In the real world, you'll meet some one and get married. Always. Apartments are bad. They are only for college students and people who don't have the credit for a "real home" and are tiny and cramped. Even one cat would be too much for it. The bigger the city is, the worse it is. If I ever managed to make it to one, I'd see how awful it is and come back home. A car is mandatory for everyone, everywhere. No exceptions. To think otherwise is silly.
And no kids! Ha! A lot of rebellious 17 year olds say this, but they all have kids once they get past that selfish and immature age. You will meet a man and once you marry him, you will totally want a family with him. If not, accidents happen. To everyone. Always. Once you have that baby, you'll see how wrong you are.
Flash forward to today..
Still best friend: She and her highschool sweetheart have been married 10 years, they have two adopted children and two bio children. They outright own their 4 1/2 bedroom house (it's been in her family forever) in that slightly bigger town. They have a van and a car. Her husband is a stay-at-home dad and she works as a translator at the University, making a three figure income. They have an adorable dog that is the sweetest thing ever.
Me: I did end up getting married after six years of being together and two living together. My husband has been sterilized for four years. We live in a spacious one room apartment in Savannah. I have a bike and a buss pass, though most things I need are in walking distance. We have two cats. We haven't gotten a third yet because I tend to take in injured/abandoned ones so I like having an open spot for the next one that comes along.
Where are the other girls in the class now? One's a single mom, two are divorced, one is in a "staying together for the kids" situation. The other one (who is now a close friend) is a childfree lesbian who ran off to Chicago and works as an artist.
The point of my rambling is that there's so much judgement about people's choices when they're not the norm. When I look at the people who just wanted the "perfect American life" thinking it will just happen, it usually ends up pretty shitty for them. But, when I look at people like my best friend, me, and my other friend who thought about what we wanted and how we where going to get there, life is a whole lot better. Yet, we're all told from a young age that there's only one lifestyle that's going to make everyone happy.