Smoking Saved My Life
So I'm wondering, and trying to put some perspective on some issues that I'm thinking on.
What makes these changes occur that seem to happen for everyone as they get older? Why do people change? Why is life different with each passing year? Besides the obvious (, Asshole).
Life was so different for everyone when we were 18 and 19, so what happened? (This is for Will:) Maybe it was because we were all in the limen and feeling a sense of communitas. I kid, I kid. No, but really. Maybe that's just what goes on for people. I hate to say this, but I once read a little story Robbie (Robby?) wrote about how he bonded with people in the dorms one summer. Maybe it was because life was so different that we all came together and bonded and tried new things and went out beyond our comfort zones to start becoming adult people.
I don't know, but right now I see a lot of interesting things. Why do people take the directions they take?
I like to think that I've maintained a lot of that earlier fire I had when I was younger and newer to this crazy world. Sure, that energy has changed, but aesthetics are one thing and what's really going on is another.
Now when I peer back into the past through the filter of my memory, I wonder: Am I remembering what was the case? Did I just remember it being fun or was it really a time of misery? Were we actually all bonded together or was it really just boredom. I can see bits and pieces of all of it.
But I can remember certain things. I can remember that, no matter how late it was, people were still up for some video games or a movie. That spending time together came in different moments, not in plans, but in impromptu and improvised smoke breaks, coffee between classes, and a quick bite to eat. And I do remember some sense of caring (even if only in its early stages) between people on many different levels.
So what happened between then and now? I know I have no close friends anymore. I know of other people who also have no close friends anymore. What happened to our fire and desire to be out there, seeking out friends, seeking out experiences? What made us change into people that are focused on what hours we're working tomorrow, and how we can't do anything until next Thursday? Why is it that we have to pencil people into itineraries, instead of just calling up a friend or roommate?
Those were good times, weren't they? I think so. Where did they go? And where are we taking ourselves, if we are to continue on these diverging paths we are on? I'm not sure.