In Abscence
Title: In Abscence
Pairing: Rapmon/Jin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: angst, fantasy, the mortal instruments! au
Word Count: 715
Summary: Namjoon has always been good with words, but never the truth.
“It’s the truth this time,” Namjoon insists, putting his hand on top of Seokjin’s. “I’ve never really been good at telling the truth, but when I tell you that I love you, that’s the truth. Please believe me.”
Seokjin looks at him sadly, the way someone would look at a clipped photo reminding them of a past that once meant the entire world to them-filled with nostalgia and melancholy, and maybe a little spark that might conjure up a string of what-ifs when left, but not hope. (Not anymore)
“For a while, I did believe you Namjoon. I really did.” Seokjin sighs, looking down at Namjoon’s relatively larger hands on top of his. He doesn’t flinch or remove Namjoon’s hand, and Namjoon thinks that maybe, this is could be a sign of hope. “But no matter how many times I try to tell myself that you’ve changed and that things are going to be better, nothing’s going to change. You’re still you, and I’m still me, and even if we keep on this tirade of lying to ourselves, we’re on completely different ends of the spectrum.”
“They say that a son of Lilith can never be capable of love,” Seokjin smiles this time, but it’s unlike the smiles he’s always used to offer Namjoon-kind, caring, sincere. This time, it’s tinged with sadness and surrender, and it makes Namjoon’s heart twinge in pain. “But you proved them all wrong,” a flash of something that looks akin to proudness passes by Seokjin’s smile that it almost turns into a full grin, but the solemn smile is back on his face before Namjoon could make sure it’s real. “But still, I don’t think we can keep this up anymore. You’ve hurt some people, and I know that you know that I’ve been assigned to protect them.”
“It’s not that simple,” Namjoon says, carding a hand through his hair. The strands feel dry against his fingers, having been bleached multiple times, and it reminds him of a dream when he’s having long walks alongside the shore, tugging Seokjin behind him. He’s always wanted to take Seokjin to the beach, but maybe that dream will just stay as it is. “If I told you, I would lose you, too.”
“That’s why I said it’s better to end things here, for now.” Seokjin stands up, smoothening the sides of his pants with his hands. “I didn’t mean I would never love you again.”
Namjoon wants to reach out and grab Seokjin’s hand-to tell him everything from the very beginning: from the time he had to pretend to have killed Jimin, only to put him in a sleeping spell so that his brothers wouldn’t find out about his betrayal, to the time when he saved Jungkook from being slaughtered by the vampires from Hotel Dumort only to pretend that he’s the one behind all the plans.
But Lilith would find out if he did; she always has a way of finding out about things. It’s only a matter of time before she finds out that Seokjin is still alive, but Namjoon swears upon his grave that he’d do everything to protect Seokjin.
“Please don’t hate me.” It comes out as a squeak, and Namjoon feels like he’s about to shrink in his seat when Seokjin glances back at him-a tell-tale sign that he’s heard it.
Seokjin takes a deep breath and turns his back on Namjoon. “I don’t despise you, Namjoon.” His voice is calm, his breathing controlled, and Namjoon knows that even if Seokjin always tries to pretend that everything is okay, or that everything would be okay, that doesn’t mean he hasn’t felt broken at all. “Even if they tell me that you’re the Nephilim’s worst enemy as of this moment, I would never despise you.”
Namjoon lets him walk away even though what he wants to do the most right now is to reach out his hand and hold Seokjin close to him.
So Namjoon watches Seokjin walk away with his heart clenched in his hands, legs determinedly walking away from him. He watches as Seokjin walks away without turning back to so much as to spare a glance at him.
(He watches as Seokjin walks away from him despite his pleas to believe him.)
Pairing: Rapmon/Jin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: angst, fantasy, the mortal instruments! au
Word Count: 715
Summary: Namjoon has always been good with words, but never the truth.
“It’s the truth this time,” Namjoon insists, putting his hand on top of Seokjin’s. “I’ve never really been good at telling the truth, but when I tell you that I love you, that’s the truth. Please believe me.”
Seokjin looks at him sadly, the way someone would look at a clipped photo reminding them of a past that once meant the entire world to them-filled with nostalgia and melancholy, and maybe a little spark that might conjure up a string of what-ifs when left, but not hope. (Not anymore)
“For a while, I did believe you Namjoon. I really did.” Seokjin sighs, looking down at Namjoon’s relatively larger hands on top of his. He doesn’t flinch or remove Namjoon’s hand, and Namjoon thinks that maybe, this is could be a sign of hope. “But no matter how many times I try to tell myself that you’ve changed and that things are going to be better, nothing’s going to change. You’re still you, and I’m still me, and even if we keep on this tirade of lying to ourselves, we’re on completely different ends of the spectrum.”
“They say that a son of Lilith can never be capable of love,” Seokjin smiles this time, but it’s unlike the smiles he’s always used to offer Namjoon-kind, caring, sincere. This time, it’s tinged with sadness and surrender, and it makes Namjoon’s heart twinge in pain. “But you proved them all wrong,” a flash of something that looks akin to proudness passes by Seokjin’s smile that it almost turns into a full grin, but the solemn smile is back on his face before Namjoon could make sure it’s real. “But still, I don’t think we can keep this up anymore. You’ve hurt some people, and I know that you know that I’ve been assigned to protect them.”
“It’s not that simple,” Namjoon says, carding a hand through his hair. The strands feel dry against his fingers, having been bleached multiple times, and it reminds him of a dream when he’s having long walks alongside the shore, tugging Seokjin behind him. He’s always wanted to take Seokjin to the beach, but maybe that dream will just stay as it is. “If I told you, I would lose you, too.”
“That’s why I said it’s better to end things here, for now.” Seokjin stands up, smoothening the sides of his pants with his hands. “I didn’t mean I would never love you again.”
Namjoon wants to reach out and grab Seokjin’s hand-to tell him everything from the very beginning: from the time he had to pretend to have killed Jimin, only to put him in a sleeping spell so that his brothers wouldn’t find out about his betrayal, to the time when he saved Jungkook from being slaughtered by the vampires from Hotel Dumort only to pretend that he’s the one behind all the plans.
But Lilith would find out if he did; she always has a way of finding out about things. It’s only a matter of time before she finds out that Seokjin is still alive, but Namjoon swears upon his grave that he’d do everything to protect Seokjin.
“Please don’t hate me.” It comes out as a squeak, and Namjoon feels like he’s about to shrink in his seat when Seokjin glances back at him-a tell-tale sign that he’s heard it.
Seokjin takes a deep breath and turns his back on Namjoon. “I don’t despise you, Namjoon.” His voice is calm, his breathing controlled, and Namjoon knows that even if Seokjin always tries to pretend that everything is okay, or that everything would be okay, that doesn’t mean he hasn’t felt broken at all. “Even if they tell me that you’re the Nephilim’s worst enemy as of this moment, I would never despise you.”
Namjoon lets him walk away even though what he wants to do the most right now is to reach out his hand and hold Seokjin close to him.
So Namjoon watches Seokjin walk away with his heart clenched in his hands, legs determinedly walking away from him. He watches as Seokjin walks away without turning back to so much as to spare a glance at him.
(He watches as Seokjin walks away from him despite his pleas to believe him.)