Kelly is Charlie's girlfriend. Charlie is Heather's ex-boyfriend. Charlie is bisexual and loves me. Charlie likes boys a lot more than either of them realizes
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greg, did you really spend that long trying to convince a girl that she should let her boyfriend have sex with you? i mean, i know i dont understand the situation and all involved and am making a "snap judgement," but to me that seems really inappropriete. don't you think that could make her feel inadequate to say that she CAN'T possibly satisfy his sexual needs? how do you figure you know more about his sexual needs than she, his girlfriend, does
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You are frequently in a judgmental mood, so I don't really mind. I apologize if I articulated myself in a way that comes across as that she is inadequate. What I was trying to express is that she cannot fulfill his sexual desire for boys and to be aware of that and then actively deny that need is as mean as it is to hurt her feelings by letting him have sex with me. I also wasn't trying to advocate for the fact that his bisexuality is about much more than sex or attraction to me. Obviously, intentions don't matter, so I'll just work on better articulating myself in the future.
I will never see you again, apparently, so I will communicate with you through this medium of le el-jay.
I have a proposal to make.
And no comment to make on the above conversation, except I believe that it's everyone's right to define what kind of relationship they want, even if their ideas might be a little unrealistic. That's a hard situation. I'd like to think that I would be giving and understanding if I were in a relationship with a bi-identifying boy, but it's hard for a girl in our particular cultural context NOT to feel threatened by what she perceives as "cheating" or "unfaithfulness." Our culture values male fulfillment at the expense of female fulfillment, emotional and sexual
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In a relationship between two people especially when bisexuality is an issue it seems there must a real a frank discussion of what that relationship will mean to both parties. The hard part is both being honest with your partner and with yourself. Certainly it is good not to structure your relationship in a certain way simply because that is what society said is ok. But at the same time it is important to allow the decision to be made by those in the relationship, if they choose to have an exclusive relationship that is their choice. We should respect that.
James, first, careful with you're what should we do's. Who exactly made it so that you get to determine what it is that we should and should not do? Where did you learn that? What might it tell you about yourself?
That said, they haven't decided to have an exclusive relationship. As a matter of fact, it's just that he doesn't want to hurt her feelings more than he wants exclusivity. To me that raises issues of the nature of whether this is a healthy relationship or not. But the fact is that he wants both of us and she is actively denying him fulfillment of his sexual needs.
Nobody can completely step out of the influence of society as it is such a fundimental part of a person's devolopment. As for the issue of "should" it is merely my opinion from my experience both first hand and second hand. The only real should would come from the arguements I could present that would back it up but I would exspect there to be arguements from a different prospective that would probably have a differen't "should". That would clearly muddle up the "should" unless one could clearly win the arguement (which is probably doubtful
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I have actually thought about my bias in input and decided we might benefit from outside facilitation, but that's too late for this conversation. As for compromise, compromise is inherently bad. It means that a person gives up part of zirself in order to make something work. I prefer coming to a common understanding. You may not understand the difference, but it is fundamental. When two or more people come to a common understanding, it means starting with things that do work for all parties and finding ways for the things that don't work to fit in, not merely disregarding them.
James, don't get defensive when I challenge your role in society. If you can't handle a challenge to your power and privilege, how are you ever going to learn, grow and transform--yourself and society? No one expects you to be completely immune form societal influences, but I do expect you to ask yourself lots of questions before you present anything as fact.
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Thank you for the feedback.
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other times i roll my eyes and go, "GREG BOYD!"
in a non-sexual way. HAHA.
just thought i'd tell you
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I will never see you again, apparently, so I will communicate with you through this medium of le el-jay.
I have a proposal to make.
And no comment to make on the above conversation, except I believe that it's everyone's right to define what kind of relationship they want, even if their ideas might be a little unrealistic.
That's a hard situation.
I'd like to think that I would be giving and understanding if I were in a relationship with a bi-identifying boy, but it's hard for a girl in our particular cultural context NOT to feel threatened by what she perceives as "cheating" or "unfaithfulness." Our culture values male fulfillment at the expense of female fulfillment, emotional and sexual ( ... )
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That said, they haven't decided to have an exclusive relationship. As a matter of fact, it's just that he doesn't want to hurt her feelings more than he wants exclusivity. To me that raises issues of the nature of whether this is a healthy relationship or not. But the fact is that he wants both of us and she is actively denying him fulfillment of his sexual needs.
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James, don't get defensive when I challenge your role in society. If you can't handle a challenge to your power and privilege, how are you ever going to learn, grow and transform--yourself and society? No one expects you to be completely immune form societal influences, but I do expect you to ask yourself lots of questions before you present anything as fact.
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