1 → audio; day 14; night.

[cataractic]

[ the feed turns on and after a short moment of static, a mechanical voice can be heard. ]

What gives someone the right to come back from the dead while others don't?

Comments

[femshep]

You'd think the ones who do come back would make something of it instead of crying in a corner about questions that'll never have answers.

text;

[cataractic]

How about those who are forced to watch every happy reunion knowing that their own loved ones never had the same chance?

text;

[femshep]

You're talking to her. And I'm not the only one.

If you want to be special, go ahead. You can be the one who had the guts to whine about the kind of pain everyone around him's feeling too.

If you can find the strength to go on, I suggest finding food, shelter, and a weapon with plenty of ammo.

text;

[cataractic]

I envy those that can find meaning in fighting for their own lives alone.

Tell me, miss, can food, shelter and a weapon ever replace a wife, a child and a future?

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[femshep]

I fight for 29.5 decillion individuals. And I envy them too.

No. It can't replace a family. But nothing else can, either. Not even knowing why.

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[cataractic]

It still doesn't tell me why I should fight for the living when I have nothing to live for myself. If you are familiar with loss, how can you not feel hatred for those that are still alive?

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[femshep]

Because if I did, everyone who's dead died for nothing.

Would you want your wife to see you like this? How would you feel, if she saw that you just gave up on the world as soon as she was gone?

You'd feel like shit. I know you would.

Doesn't matter what I think -- She knew you're better than this.

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[cataractic]

I didn't. Just like you I have been fighting for everyone else. Until I realized that nothing of this matters because she is really never going to see me again.

I never wished to feel hateful. If I could find a way to stop myself, I'd be truly thankful. But every empty word of comfort, every lie meant to make those around me feel better rather than to help me believe in the world again, has made me realize just how little everyone else deserves to live.

Because, in the end, everyone always dies for nothing.

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[femshep]

You think I'm trying to comfort you? Just sick of you smearing your angst around when everyone else finds some way to cope with their losses without it.

Believe what you want. I'm done here.

"(...) how little everyone else deserves to live." Say it all you want, but if you finally crack and start making good of it, I will find you.

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[cataractic]

If the price you pay in order to not suffer is to stop feeling all together, I'd rather take the suffering. In the future, I recommend you to avoid topics that make you uncomfortable.

As for your threat, you're free to do whatever you like. I won't lie in order to hide my crimes. Yet I would appreciate it if you could respect my wish to avoid further bloodshed.

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[femshep]

[She's not going to comment on the 'stop feeling altogether' part. She doesn't talk 'emotions' with relative strangers. The rest of it, though:]

You're better at missing the point than anybody I've ever met. 'Uncomfortable' is irrelevant.

Been in the military my whole life. I know firsthand that when one person gives up, everyone around them is that much closer to giving up too. And in a place like this, we can't afford that kind of attitude if we're going to survive. I don't give a shit that you don't care if we survive, as long as you don't drag anyone else down with you.

And if you plan to avoid bloodshed, there'll be no problem anyway.

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[cataractic]

I have never been in the army. I have never led soldiers to battle. What I have done, is leading normal men and women to fight for their lives. With me as their shield.

Yet no one shielded her.

Would you feel forgivness, miss? Because, in that case, you are the monster. Not me.

text; -- I think I... misread it the first time, herp

[femshep]

Then call me a monster. You sure as hell wouldn't be the first.

First time I ever earned it by forgiving someone, but I guess that means I'm branching out.

[She's done trying to fix this. Now she's just frustrated. Sorry. >.>]