And now, some words from your friendly neighborhood block captain.

[expectremorse]

[Earlier in the evening the Hoffman's held their annual Christmas Party. You may have noticed quite a few cars out in front and people passing packages back and forth. It was pretty attractive

Comments

[Spam]

[most_feared]

[Oh god. Is that a chainsaw outside? The Colonel puts down his book and goes to the window, after giving the network a healthy dose of ignorance.

Why the fuck is there a man with a hockey mask outside cutting down his tree?

Like hell itself followed with him, he marches up the stared and gets the pump action Mossberg. Why? Because he wants the sound of his gun being readied to tell you just what sort of fucked up you've managed. And this is a good healthy dose of fucked up.

He swings open the door, and as the sound of the chainsaw ebs down, the CHNKchnk of the pump action replaces it.] The hell is going on here?

Re: [Spam]

[expectremorse]

[The masked man can only stare at him. The chainsaw thunks a few times.

It points to the beautiful evergreen covered with a delicate dusting of snow.]

[Spam]

[most_feared]

You got to the count of three to put that chainsaw down, son, or you're leavin' with a superfluous custom designed shotgun edition asshole. Do you understand me?

[The Colonel apparently had all the fear that would normally be there from horror films PTSDed right out of him.]

Re: [Spam]

[expectremorse]

[The other man stands up straighter and pulls off his mask. He looks...psychotic. Far more psychotic then people have ever seen (and yet, a lot of people might not be surprised)]

Colonel K-

[pause. Then. He slips the mask back up and points the ever-so-slightly rumbly chainsaw at the tree. Don't make this tougher.]

[Spam]

[most_feared]

[Oh god, he didn't want to have to shoot someone. Not really. What fucking crazy shit catnip was growing around his house to draw out these people.

He shoots into the snow not too far from Hoffman to show that it's not loaded with blanks or buckshot.]

What the hell is wrong with you? [He pumps the shotgun loudly again.] You have a fucking family. You have a fucking house. You show off at the expense of everyone else on the goddamn block and after you get all this goddamn attention and things don't go exactly your way, you invade an old man's private property and start threatening to destroy it.

[And he storms off the porch, just as angry as before, and without a lick of hesitation dodges around the chainsaw and takes it out of his hands. And then throws it off into the snow where it jumps and rumbles and grinds to a breaking halt.

And then he punches him in the mask. All while still holding that gun.] Go the hell home to your wife. You don't even know what Christmas is anymore.

Re: [Spam]

[expectremorse]

[There is a bundled up woman moving towards him along with the collection of family. The kids are hanging back but she's checking Hoffman's pulse.]

...Thanks for not shooting him.

[Spam]

[most_feared]

[God, he needs to stop showing pity or people are gonna start calling him on it. He's glad to see his wife still willing to put up with that stupidity. It makes him miss his.]

Yeah, well. I'm keepin' the chainsaw. He brought it into my yard and it's mine now.

[And he goes and picks it up to cart off to his garage.]

Re: [Spam]

[expectremorse]

[Kathy nods, gesturing for the family to help him into the house.] ...Colonel...

I'm sorry. He's...I don't know what he's doing.