For reference- September 1st IG
Oh insomnia, why must you make me start thinking? ;o;
Writing out what Ran Fan's been going through mentally here to help me keep a grasp on her, since heaven knows she won't express the vast majority of this-
Ran Fan arrived on August... 12th. Yeah. She was, understandably, not in a very good mood. About the only relief she had was that Ling and a few other people she recognized but didn't exactly trust were there, too. She initially felt very guilty when she learned that somehow Ling had been there for two months without a guard, and to this day she still wonders about what might have happened during that time.
The other blows for her that day were finding out she could not fight effectively here without a "partner", learning that she would be badly injured in some way during their attempt to catch a homunculus, and hearing about Greed. With so little details on the final two subjects, even now she also worries that these will be or are considered failures on her part.
In her first few days she also had to deal with the fact that people were, well, socializing with her. She had been given orders to find a partner. The entire ordeal of trying to relate to everyone else has been rather difficult for her and she's really feeling stuck at the moment. She's gotten slightly better at reaching out to others, though it's certainly nothing to write home about. What really tends to throw her off is when other people show an interest in her, such as Minato and Winry. She's very used to staying in the the background and having attention brought to herself makes her pretty nervous. Outside of her duty, she still doesn't think a whole lot about herself. It's also still a bit difficult for her any time she's not in the same general vicinity as Ling because she goes into worry mode and has to prevent herself from completely panicking.
Shortly after Lieutenant Hawkeye arrived (it's 4:30 AM, I'm not looking up the date ;o;) she was informed that her injury was losing an arm. This entire situation came about after of a lot of guilt and misunderstandings which didn't bother her, but not having any other details made her feel all the more worse about it. It was around this point that she began feeling like she needed to work harder to ensure she was doing her job correctly and to Ling's liking.
She attempted to find a partner at a meeting around August 20th, I believe, but it didn't go overly well. As much as she feels like she needs a partner RIGHT NOW, she's also started thinking that doing so might be impossible because she still can't totally connect with people or allow herself to open up.
~Side note, she has met several other people and will converse with some but the details aren't overly important here. Umm, I may have to do a CR post at this rate, though. And I've never done one before because I'm bad at explaining things and lazy @_@~
On August 22nd (I think) came the raining frogs. Initially Ran Fan thought this wouldn't be TOO much trouble and even that it might help restore some of her honor as a guardian. She's very used to killing frogs. However, she got a bit too overprotective jumping into a group of frogs that were emitting poisonous gas and Ling followed her. They managed to defeat them with a bit of not!partnering, but damage was still done.
August 23rd, therefore, was really not a good one for her mentally. Both she and Ling were sick after being poisoned, and once again she blamed herself for not being able to protect him. She also thought that her own ailments were not an excuse to not do her job despite what Ling told her and she ended up being very annoyed at Watanuki's and Winry's insistence that she rest. She had been messing things up enough as it was; being forced to not do her duty just made things worse in her mind.
On the 25th she decided she was well enough to be up again and went into town to locate anything she could muster that would do in building make-shift grenades. Kitchen knives at least were easy enough to come by, but she thought she could become more effective and that Ling would be happier if she had her full arsenal. She has yet to actually use one of these, however, and she hasn't mentioned it to keep the element of surprise and because she thinks Ling's expecting her to have them.
That week was also fairly troubling for her with the food shortage. She knew she would be fine, but she pretty much spent the entire time worried that Ling would collapse at any second. The next week was fairly calm, though she did have a few discussions here and there which didn't necessarily leave her feeling better.
Then August 31st came, and with it the Madness Wavelength and something with Soul Eater canon that's kind of going over my head. For Ran Fan, the effect made her suspect that everyone in town was most likely an assassin working for another clan and she was far more paranoid than usual. This led to her following Mulan as she entered their building, but they were caught by surprise by some Shadows and had to fight. [We're still finishing this log, we'll see what else happens~]
Later, I believe, since we haven't officially started this just yet, she returned to more or less find a hallucinating Greed attacking Ling. Due to her far more fragile state of mind, at the very least this will lead to her being confused and, at best, hesitating a lot when it comes to doing her duty. Odds are it will be next to impossible for her to do any damage to someone that looks like Ling, considering it would be difficult enough with her in her right mind.
Which brings us to September 1st, or now within the game. The entirety of this piling up inside her has gotten her to the point of being completely miserable. She's not sure she's doing her duty properly at all with all of this, and she's beginning to worry that Ling will just get fed up with her. While the news of the disappearances isn't overly troubling to her, hearing that Ling might be perturbed from Roy is just adding more fuel to the fire.
Ran Fan is really lacking a chunk of her confidence at the moment. Her future back home sounds bleak, she still hasn't found a partner, she keeps feeling as though she's not performing her duty effectively enough which will sooner or later get her in trouble in her mind, and she keeps discovering that Ling has made a lot of friends whom she really knows nothing about and that he's apparently been through a lot which she also knows nothing about and it just makes her feel like she's doing even worse of a job at being his guardian. Ran Fan has always struck me as someone that likes to be absolutely certain about things and she's so unsure about so much here that it's having a notable effect on her.
But, of course, since Ling hasn't turned her away yet she's going to keep doing her job and not say anything about any of this because she doesn't think her own mental condition is important comparatively. She just has to be able to perform her job even if she thinks she's been doing a terrible job of it since she arrived here.
She is INCREDIBLY set on proving that she can still do her duty and do it well, and though I don't really know what's in store for the future plot in the game I have a really bad feeling that this conviction is going to get her into a big mess sooner or later.
It's always the quiet ones... =/
Writing out what Ran Fan's been going through mentally here to help me keep a grasp on her, since heaven knows she won't express the vast majority of this-
Ran Fan arrived on August... 12th. Yeah. She was, understandably, not in a very good mood. About the only relief she had was that Ling and a few other people she recognized but didn't exactly trust were there, too. She initially felt very guilty when she learned that somehow Ling had been there for two months without a guard, and to this day she still wonders about what might have happened during that time.
The other blows for her that day were finding out she could not fight effectively here without a "partner", learning that she would be badly injured in some way during their attempt to catch a homunculus, and hearing about Greed. With so little details on the final two subjects, even now she also worries that these will be or are considered failures on her part.
In her first few days she also had to deal with the fact that people were, well, socializing with her. She had been given orders to find a partner. The entire ordeal of trying to relate to everyone else has been rather difficult for her and she's really feeling stuck at the moment. She's gotten slightly better at reaching out to others, though it's certainly nothing to write home about. What really tends to throw her off is when other people show an interest in her, such as Minato and Winry. She's very used to staying in the the background and having attention brought to herself makes her pretty nervous. Outside of her duty, she still doesn't think a whole lot about herself. It's also still a bit difficult for her any time she's not in the same general vicinity as Ling because she goes into worry mode and has to prevent herself from completely panicking.
Shortly after Lieutenant Hawkeye arrived (it's 4:30 AM, I'm not looking up the date ;o;) she was informed that her injury was losing an arm. This entire situation came about after of a lot of guilt and misunderstandings which didn't bother her, but not having any other details made her feel all the more worse about it. It was around this point that she began feeling like she needed to work harder to ensure she was doing her job correctly and to Ling's liking.
She attempted to find a partner at a meeting around August 20th, I believe, but it didn't go overly well. As much as she feels like she needs a partner RIGHT NOW, she's also started thinking that doing so might be impossible because she still can't totally connect with people or allow herself to open up.
~Side note, she has met several other people and will converse with some but the details aren't overly important here. Umm, I may have to do a CR post at this rate, though. And I've never done one before because I'm bad at explaining things and lazy @_@~
On August 22nd (I think) came the raining frogs. Initially Ran Fan thought this wouldn't be TOO much trouble and even that it might help restore some of her honor as a guardian. She's very used to killing frogs. However, she got a bit too overprotective jumping into a group of frogs that were emitting poisonous gas and Ling followed her. They managed to defeat them with a bit of not!partnering, but damage was still done.
August 23rd, therefore, was really not a good one for her mentally. Both she and Ling were sick after being poisoned, and once again she blamed herself for not being able to protect him. She also thought that her own ailments were not an excuse to not do her job despite what Ling told her and she ended up being very annoyed at Watanuki's and Winry's insistence that she rest. She had been messing things up enough as it was; being forced to not do her duty just made things worse in her mind.
On the 25th she decided she was well enough to be up again and went into town to locate anything she could muster that would do in building make-shift grenades. Kitchen knives at least were easy enough to come by, but she thought she could become more effective and that Ling would be happier if she had her full arsenal. She has yet to actually use one of these, however, and she hasn't mentioned it to keep the element of surprise and because she thinks Ling's expecting her to have them.
That week was also fairly troubling for her with the food shortage. She knew she would be fine, but she pretty much spent the entire time worried that Ling would collapse at any second. The next week was fairly calm, though she did have a few discussions here and there which didn't necessarily leave her feeling better.
Then August 31st came, and with it the Madness Wavelength and something with Soul Eater canon that's kind of going over my head. For Ran Fan, the effect made her suspect that everyone in town was most likely an assassin working for another clan and she was far more paranoid than usual. This led to her following Mulan as she entered their building, but they were caught by surprise by some Shadows and had to fight. [We're still finishing this log, we'll see what else happens~]
Later, I believe, since we haven't officially started this just yet, she returned to more or less find a hallucinating Greed attacking Ling. Due to her far more fragile state of mind, at the very least this will lead to her being confused and, at best, hesitating a lot when it comes to doing her duty. Odds are it will be next to impossible for her to do any damage to someone that looks like Ling, considering it would be difficult enough with her in her right mind.
Which brings us to September 1st, or now within the game. The entirety of this piling up inside her has gotten her to the point of being completely miserable. She's not sure she's doing her duty properly at all with all of this, and she's beginning to worry that Ling will just get fed up with her. While the news of the disappearances isn't overly troubling to her, hearing that Ling might be perturbed from Roy is just adding more fuel to the fire.
Ran Fan is really lacking a chunk of her confidence at the moment. Her future back home sounds bleak, she still hasn't found a partner, she keeps feeling as though she's not performing her duty effectively enough which will sooner or later get her in trouble in her mind, and she keeps discovering that Ling has made a lot of friends whom she really knows nothing about and that he's apparently been through a lot which she also knows nothing about and it just makes her feel like she's doing even worse of a job at being his guardian. Ran Fan has always struck me as someone that likes to be absolutely certain about things and she's so unsure about so much here that it's having a notable effect on her.
But, of course, since Ling hasn't turned her away yet she's going to keep doing her job and not say anything about any of this because she doesn't think her own mental condition is important comparatively. She just has to be able to perform her job even if she thinks she's been doing a terrible job of it since she arrived here.
She is INCREDIBLY set on proving that she can still do her duty and do it well, and though I don't really know what's in store for the future plot in the game I have a really bad feeling that this conviction is going to get her into a big mess sooner or later.
It's always the quiet ones... =/