Picking up the Pieces, 18: In the Know
Title: Picking up the Pieces
Author: exquisite_ugly
Rating/Warnings: M (language, future explicit sex)
Summary: Bella returns to Forks a few years after having married Edward and moving to Alaska. Mistakes and regrets, loneliness and grief, she severs ties and returns to those she truly loves to start over. What will she come home to? AU, A/D/R, M-language/sex
*~*~*
She was a middle class girl/she was in over her head/She thought she would stand up in the deep end/He had a bullet proof smile/He had money to burn/She thought she had the moon in her pocket/But now she's dead/She's so dead/Forever dead and lovely now
*~*~*
Jake's moans of pleasure were enough to bring a cat-ate-the-canary smile to my face. When I pulled away, making a little pop with my mouth as I released him, he didn't move. It was apparently a job well done. Carefully, I maneuvered my way back up to him and stretched out, content with the return favor.
Jake turned to me, a smile teasing the edges of his mouth. "You're pretty pleased with yourself, aren't you?"
I gave him a smug look. "You know it."
He laughed. "I'm pretty pleased, too."
I smiled, snuggling into his warmth. He played with my hair as we listened to the rain making pinging sounds on the little side patio. I'd cracked the window and the cool air wafted into the room.
"How're you feeling?" he asked.
I considered that, especially after everything that happened. "Not too bad," I said honestly. "Physically, a little sore, but it's getting better. It's not constant at least. And I'm still a little sad, but I'm going to try and think more positively about it."
He shifted, spooning me from behind. "I'm glad," he murmured against my shoulder. "I think it's best to try and focus on the here and now. The stress isn't good while you're trying to heal either."
As much as I wanted it to happen, I knew he was right. This wasn't something I could control. I would do what I could, try to push thoughts of little black-haired babies from my mind, and focus on the good things I had in my life.
"We'll be okay," I murmured sleepily. His arms tightened around me before we drifted off.
My eyes blinked open suddenly. Confused, I caught sight of the clock. It was almost four in the morning. I felt shaky for some reason; my body was in a cold sweat as I tried to figure out what woke me. I slid out of bed, padding into the bathroom. It was quiet and still except for the occasional whoosh of the trees outside in the rain-driven wind.
Chalking it up to Halloween jitters, I washed my face. A little less sweaty, I opened the refrigerator for a coke and took a big swallow. The fizz burned a little, but it was cold and just what I needed. While I was leaning against the counter, there was a twinge in my stomach. Suddenly, it felt different; almost like a warning.
Panicked, I cried out, and looked up to see a flash of color outside the window. This time I briefly saw the faint outline of a silhouette and it scared the shit out of me. Another cry broke free as my stomach shivered eerily in response. Jake was in the kitchen in seconds, confusion and panic on his face.
"Bella? What happened?" he asked anxiously. "Are you okay?"
"Some…" my voice cracked. Taking a deep breath, I gasped, "Something's ou-outside. I just saw a flash of something in the yard, Jake. I saw it earlier before we came back here for the night!"
Jake was out the door in a flash. "Jake!" I cried, not wanting him out there. I grabbed the phone, dialing Embry's number.
He answered and his voice was groggy with sleep. "Huh?"
"Embry, it's Bella," I said still out of breath. "Something's outside here and Jake went out to look. Please, I know it's asking a lot, but can you back him up?"
His voice was immediately alert. "I'm on my way, and I'm getting Quil."
I moved out onto the porch, looking for Jake. He had disappeared and now along with the strange and indescribable sensation in my stomach, I was scared to death he would be hurt by whatever was out there. Embry and Quil appeared, reassuring me, but were gone in a flash. I worried about them now, too, but I knew strength in numbers would be better. It felt like it lasted a lifetime, but in actuality, it didn't take long before all three of them came back.
I stayed on the step with my arms wrapped around my middle until Jake came up and enfolded me in a hug. Embry ruffled my hair affectionately, giving me a reassuring smile. It was meant to calm me, and I appreciated the gesture.
"We didn't see anything, but I know something was out there," Jake told me, his hand nervously rubbing my back. "I could smell it."
"It smelled like a vampire," Quil added, "but it didn't smell quite the same as they normally do. So, we're a little confused as to what or who it actually is."
"Whatever the hell it was, it dodged us and disappeared. It's gone," Jake said reassuringly.
"We didn't even have to attempt to phase. It was gone that fast. I'm not sure how that would've gone; it's been a long time since we did," Embry said.
My stomach had calmed, though the feeling had been strange and unsettling. It hadn't feel quite right and I didn't know how to explain it. "You should get some more sleep," Jake murmured. I was practically falling asleep on him, though I was fighting it because I couldn't shake the worry.
Embry and Quil left and headed back home. Jake led me inside, helped me back into bed, and slid in next to me. Confused about something, I turned to Jake. "You still have some werewolf senses, right?"
He turned his head to look at me. "Yes. Why?"
"I was just curious. I mean, you said you hadn't smelled anything earlier. I mean, I thought I was just seeing things. That's why I didn't say anything."
He pondered that for a moment. "I guess it was a bit of a distraction with what was going on, the smell of the food roasting, and like Quil said, it didn't smell quite the same."
I nodded and lay back again. Fear still gripped me a little, which was making it difficult to rest though I was tired. "Jake, I…"
"You're safe," he murmured, knowing exactly how I felt. "And we'll talk more in the morning. Please, get some more sleep. You're obviously exhausted."
I nodded again, curling back into him, and falling asleep before I could say another word.
*~*~*
JPOV
The sky was lightening, and I was still too fired up to really sleep. I dozed off a few times, but that was about it. Bella was fast asleep, though, for which I was grateful. She was almost there, but I wanted to make sure she was careful and got the rest she needed to finish healing.
She stirred in her sleep, murmuring softly. I listened intently for a minute because she murmured Edward's name. It didn't particularly bother me. I knew she often dreamed of her time in Alaska; it was never anything good so it didn't worry me. It was just the way it was. Instead, I smoothed her hair, humming quietly a song my mom used to sing to me to help me fall asleep. It had been a long time since I'd thought of that, but it was what instinctively came to mind. The song had been something I enjoyed and that helped me sleep, though I would never have admitted it to my friends because of where it came from.
How high does the sycamore grow
If you cut it down, then you'll never know
And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
For whether we are white or copper-skinned
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountain
We need to paint with all the colors of the wind
She relaxed as I continued to hum.
When Bella was still, I continued to ponder over and over what the hell it was in the woods. The wolf inside had been dormant for nearly four years, and I could feel the beginning stages of it clawing inside of me, wanting to be released. There was danger to my family, my people, my land, and especially Bella. I didn't want that responsibility, the danger that went with it, and I wanted to remain human. I'd had enough of being a monster, but it didn't look like that was going to be the case.
I would be a wolf if it protected Bella.
I turned on my side to look at her. Her thick, wavy hair was spread out on the pillow in tangled disarray. Her long lashes fluttered slightly against her pale cheeks. My eyes lingered on her full, slightly off-kilter mouth; something I loved about her. Her small hands were bunched slightly around the fabric of the soft, blue quilt. When she shifted in her sleep, sighing, I knew she was about to wake.
Before she did, I pressed my lips against hers. She murmured slightly against my mouth, but I kissed her over and over. Why couldn't our life just be normal? I just wanted to wake up in bed next to her, knowing she was healthy and safe, go out on a date with her, make love to her without being afraid of hurting her, and damn if I didn't want to worry about wolf-ing out anymore.
But life was never easy. And we'd made it back to each other despite everything. We were sticking together through thick and thin and that was what life was supposedly about.
When Bella's fingers tugged lightly at my hair, I pulled back slightly. She smiled a little at me, her brown eyes still sleepy. "I need to breathe," she said. Contrite, I started to move away, but she took a deep breath and pulled me back to her.
Our mouths met again and her tongue darted between my parted lips. I stroked her, pushing the covers out of the way, working my way up to cupping her breast through the little tank-tops she wore that drove me crazy. When I moved down to taste her throat, she squirmed and her wince could be felt.
"Soon," I said softly, kissing her once more. She sighed, keeping her hand on the back of my neck. I rested my forehead against hers.
"Let's get something to eat," she said finally. She slid out of bed, wrapping a robe around herself, and I followed her into the kitchen. We made French toast, and I smiled when she handed me a cup of coffee sprinkled with a dash of cinnamon.
The subdued light trickled in the windows while we ate. It felt like a completely normal morning, but we needed to talk about last night. It wasn't something either of us relished, but we knew it had to be done.
"Was last night, before we came back here, the first time you thought you saw something?" I asked.
She nodded, looking down and folding her hands around her coffee cup. "I thought maybe I was seeing things. It happened so fast. It didn't feel right, and I should have trusted my instincts. You didn't sense it, and I didn't want you to go off looking."
"What happened this morning?" I asked her, taking the last bite of bacon.
She frowned, looking really worried for a brief second. "What is it?" I would never cease to worry about her especially when she looked like that.
"It's hard to explain, but right before I saw whatever it was outside the window, my stomach felt strange. It didn't feel anything like it normally felt; it was a shivery sensation, like something was moving. It was almost like an… alert."
My own stomach felt strange when she said that. How the hell could that be? Oh shit, what if Edward left something else inside her? The thought made the wolf snarl, and I felt fury boiling deep. "So… you knew something was out there because of that?" I had to be careful.
She nodded. "It didn't feel right, Jake," she whispered. "I didn't like it, and I don't know what it could be."
"Maybe that son of a bitch left something else…" I said, struggling to control my temper. If that was why she might be unable to have children, I was going to Alaska to rip his head off.
At my statement, Bella's eyes widened in shock. "No, Jake, that can't be. It probably has to do with the surgery, nothing else. Carlisle would have seen and said something."
She sounded certain, but I couldn't help feeling that niggle of doubt. "He's supposed to call, right? From what he said, you have a day or two left. He wanted to follow-up."
She got up and moved around the table. I slid my arms around her waist, pulling her onto my lap. Shaken, we held each other, unsure of what was going on and what to do about it. Burying my face in her neck, I breathed in the smell of cinnamon and her soft lilac scent.
She smoothed my hair, her touch soothing. "We'll talk to Carlisle soon. We'll figure this out and we'll go back to normal. Everything will be okay; you'll see," she promised.
I truly hoped she was right.
*~*~*
BPOV
I spent the rest of the day with Charlie, willing to help pass out candy that evening for trick-or-treaters. I planned on cajoling Jake to help me with that after dinner. He, Billy, and Sue planned to come up and eat with us. I spent the afternoon under my dad's watchful eye. Finally, I headed outside with a towel and a book, having had enough of overprotective men. Spreading the towel out, I stretched out on my back, propping my one leg on my knee and resting my book there.
Charlie came out to clean the grill and watch me. Ignoring him, I continued to read, grateful that he offered to grill so I didn't have to cook. I heard Jake's car pull up, so I hopped up and headed into the house to make a big salad. When they came in, I gave Jake a little smile. He kissed the top of my head. "I thought you weren't making anything?" he questioned, quirking an eyebrow.
"I can probably handle making a salad. I'm not an invalid," I said, giving him an elbow shove.
We got the table set, my dad grilled the steaks, and I put Jake in charge of oiling up the potatoes to go into the oven. Once we sat down to eat, I leaned back in my chair watching my family eat dinner. It was something so simple, but it was what I had wanted for so long.
The kitchen was quiet; the only sound that could be heard was the click of the chess board from the living room. I stood at the stove, shivering in my hoodie, and cooking pasta. Cooking was something I mostly did out of habit in Phoenix, but when I'd lived in Forks, I had made food for the pack a couple times and ate with them. It felt like a real family gathering with a bunch of people who loved each other.
Lonely, I stirred the pasta and heated up the meatballs. Here, I was the only one that ate food. There was no one to cook for, no messes to make, no loud laughing and talking. I felt a tear slide inadvertently down my cheek.
Jasper and Emmett came into the kitchen, back from hunting. They greeted me, but what I saw had me pausing. My answering smile was shaky, but I kept it as normal as possible. There had been blood at the corner of Emmett's mouth, and I felt my stomach roll slowly.
"What am I doing?" I whispered.
Bracing my hands on the counter, I took a deep breath. I knew this going into the marriage; knew that Edward and his family needed blood for survival, but suddenly it was hitting home that I would have to do this myself if I'd allow myself to be changed. It was a sickening thought.
I managed to finish making my dinner, sat down at the lone place setting at the table. Edward came out to the kitchen then; sat at the other end. The gesture was appreciated, but we didn't have much to say to each other anymore. I was surprised he even bothered. Our eyes met, and I felt the loneliness bubble up again even with my husband sitting there.
The images of my father, Jake, Billy, Jake's brothers and sisters... it was all I could think of as I ate dinner in the silent, sterile kitchen in Alaska.
Jake's hand brought me back as he wrapped his fingers around mine. "You okay?" he asked quietly. "You look kind of sad."
I smiled, squeezing his hand. "I'm fine. It was just a memory."
I could feel his eyes on me, but I began to eat, grateful that I had the family, the noise, the mess in my life now. The sky was already beginning to darken, so while Sue and Jake offered to clean up, I got the candy ready for the trick-or-treaters. Everyone ended up staying, helping to pass the candy out. I couldn't help laughing as Jake swung the door open, his Bane mask in place, freaking out most of the kids.
Charlie shook his head. "You're scaring the shit out of them, kid," he said, but his mouth twitched.
Jake grinned evilly. "That's the point."
I got up to go get some beer and wine for all of us when suddenly that shivery feeling took over my stomach. I bit back a cry, but I jerked my head toward the window in the kitchen. There was nothing there, but it didn't matter. I knew something was out there, putting not just me and Jake, but now the rest of my family in danger.
My stomach was gripped with the oddest sensation, a slight shiver of movement, and I couldn't bite back a cry as it swelled and ebbed. It set me off-balance, and I tried to catch myself on the counter, slamming my knee into the handle of a cabinet before I landed on my knees on the floor. Holding my stomach, I bent over, gasping.
Warm hands were on my back in seconds, but I could only focus on my stomach. Finally, it eased and stopped, and through the rushing sound in my ears, I heard Jake's voice. "Bella… Bella… honey, talk to me." His voice sounded frantic, so I struggled to focus.
"Jake," I rasped. "I'm… I'm okay…"
"What happened…?"
"Is she okay?"
"Jake, what the fuck is going on?" Charlie's voice exploded, and I finally snapped to attention.
Jake and Charlie both had one of my arms and was lifting me, moving me, and easing me onto the sofa. "Is it the same thing…?" Jake started to ask, and I nodded, interrupting him before he could say more.
He disappeared outside immediately. Billy was watching me silently, understanding, and I felt the sudden urge to cry. What the hell was happening to me? I was sick of this, of feeling like a freak and being reminded of things I'd rather bury and forget, and especially of putting people I loved in danger. A few tears did escape, and I swiped the back of my hand across my face.
When Jake came back in, Charlie's face had darkened considerably. "Bella, it's time you fill me in. What's wrong? I sat back long enough, giving you time you needed, but now I need to know what the hell happened." His tone was hard and there was no getting around it.
Jake's eyes met mine and we communicated silently. Tell him, he was saying. We might as well. He's in danger, too.
Billy was looking down at his hands, Sue was biting her lip nervously, and I swallowed around the lump in my throat. I hated talking about this, but now I needed to confess.
Keeping it simple, omitting some details, I spoke in monotone. "I was in danger. I know this will be hard to believe, but there aren't just humans in the world. There are other… beings. There are vampires, werewolves, and who knows what else. I'd found out about the Cullen's, but they were different. They didn't hurt people. I loved Edward in a way, but I think it was mostly just being in thrall with him. I let myself get swept away, but I was pulled into their world nevertheless."
Charlie was staring at me slack-jawed. "Bella, did you hit your head?" he asked worriedly.
Jake sighed. "It's true, Charlie. I'm one of the wolves, though I haven't phased in a few years. I can shape shift into one and I rid this area of vampires. Just ask Billy."
Billy looked up and met Charlie's eyes. "I'm sorry, Charlie, I really am. Our legends are true, but we've never been allowed to speak of them outside of the tribe. What Jake says is true."
Sue reached out and squeezed Charlie's hand. "It's a lot to process, I know. I'm sorry it had to be kept quiet."
"You… knew my daughter could be in danger and you did nothing?" His voice was dangerously quiet.
"Dad, you would've been in danger, too," I said quietly. "I stumbled across this by accident. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to put you in danger, too. The threat here was taken care of, but after I married Edward, I was in danger from something that doesn't live anywhere near here."
"I'm finding this… really difficult to believe," he said faintly. "You knowingly married a, um, vampire?"
He looked bewildered, upset, and angry.
Jake squeezed my shoulder gently. "I'm sorry, dad. I should have told you, but I was never in danger from the Cullen's. They aren't bad people; they're just not the people I needed to be around, which is what I discovered after moving to Alaska. When we found out I was in danger, they staged my death. I barely had time to process the fact that I'd have to give up my family."
I started crying again. "I f-fucked up so bad," I gasped, startling everyone. "I missed you more than anything in the world. You and Jake. I didn't know the news would travel back to Forks that I was dead. I had no clue or I would've put a stop to it then and there. It was to keep me safe, but it made everyone I truly care about suffer."
I reached out for my dad and felt my heart ache as he hesitated briefly in holding on to me. "Please," I whimpered. "Dad, I know I screwed up so much, but it was supposed to be a temporary separation. It was just until the vampires in Italy thought I was truly dead. My marriage to Edward was falling apart before that, though, because I wanted to be home with you and Jake. I'd come to my senses and wanted a normal life back."
He held me then, and I buried my face in his shoulder. I haltingly explained that vampire venom was inside me, but didn't tell him how. I explained that Carlisle came and helped me, that I was healing, but we needed to talk to him about what was going on. We needed to find out who was hiding in the woods.
My head was pounding at the end of my speech and my back was tense.
"I'm sorry," I said again.
"That's why it took me so long to forgive her," Jake said quietly. "I was born to kill vampires, to protect people, and I wasn't given the chance because she didn't want me or anyone she cared about hurt. Charlie, I'm sorry you were kept in the dark, too. I know how it feels in some way, but I also know how much Bella missed you and loves you. She's become stronger for this, knows what she truly wants now."
Charlie nodded faintly, looking dazed.
"I think I need to be alone for awhile," he finally said. He still looked angry, but more worn now. "Billy, Sue, can you please leave?"
They left, Sue crying a little, but Charlie gave them a weak smile. He was angry, but he wasn't shutting everyone out entirely like before. It made it easier, but it still hurt, knowing what I did to him.
"Jake, take Bella home," he said hoarsely. "I'll talk to you soon."
I started crying, reaching for Charlie, but Jake gently hauled me up. "Honey, it's okay," he whispered.
"Bella, I love you," Charlie said. "I'm not going to lie. This hurts a lot, I'm confused, and I'm angry. I need to think things over, but we'll talk soon. I love you, baby. Always."
I nodded, still crying, when Charlie turned away to hide his own tears. Jake carried me outside to the car while I clung to him. I curled into a ball, unable to speak. When we reached the apartment, Jake carried me inside. On the sofa, I climbed onto his lap. He held me, rubbing my back, and I was resigned to calling Carlisle again tomorrow.
"He looked so lost," I said. I rubbed my eyes which felt gritty from crying. "I hate that I did this to him, to you. Will he ever forgive me?"
"Honey, he's your dad," Jake said soothingly, rubbing my back. "He loves you more than anything. He's confused, angry, and upset; just let him process this. You'll both get through this together, like we did, but he's your dad. It's different. It'll be easier. You'll be honest with him from now on, and you'll be the better for it."
He kissed me gently, and I nodded wearily. He took me to bed, tucking me in, and stretched out next to me. I listened as he made a call to Embry and Quil, and I felt better knowing Charlie and everyone would be looked after. Jake turned to hold me against him, and silently I wondered what the next day would bring.
Chapter 19
*~*~*
AN: I wasn't sure if I was going to include what's out there in this chapter, but since this chapter got bigger before I knew it, I decided next chapter! So, you'll definitely have that info in the next one. :o) Did the talk with Charlie go the way you expected?
The song for this chapter… it should be listened to! I always thought it described Bella/Edward to a T. Also, I just wanted to say a quick thanks to the reviewers that I don't get to respond to personally. I always mean to, and I actually remembered this time, so thank you!
Author: exquisite_ugly
Rating/Warnings: M (language, future explicit sex)
Summary: Bella returns to Forks a few years after having married Edward and moving to Alaska. Mistakes and regrets, loneliness and grief, she severs ties and returns to those she truly loves to start over. What will she come home to? AU, A/D/R, M-language/sex
*~*~*
She was a middle class girl/she was in over her head/She thought she would stand up in the deep end/He had a bullet proof smile/He had money to burn/She thought she had the moon in her pocket/But now she's dead/She's so dead/Forever dead and lovely now
*~*~*
Jake's moans of pleasure were enough to bring a cat-ate-the-canary smile to my face. When I pulled away, making a little pop with my mouth as I released him, he didn't move. It was apparently a job well done. Carefully, I maneuvered my way back up to him and stretched out, content with the return favor.
Jake turned to me, a smile teasing the edges of his mouth. "You're pretty pleased with yourself, aren't you?"
I gave him a smug look. "You know it."
He laughed. "I'm pretty pleased, too."
I smiled, snuggling into his warmth. He played with my hair as we listened to the rain making pinging sounds on the little side patio. I'd cracked the window and the cool air wafted into the room.
"How're you feeling?" he asked.
I considered that, especially after everything that happened. "Not too bad," I said honestly. "Physically, a little sore, but it's getting better. It's not constant at least. And I'm still a little sad, but I'm going to try and think more positively about it."
He shifted, spooning me from behind. "I'm glad," he murmured against my shoulder. "I think it's best to try and focus on the here and now. The stress isn't good while you're trying to heal either."
As much as I wanted it to happen, I knew he was right. This wasn't something I could control. I would do what I could, try to push thoughts of little black-haired babies from my mind, and focus on the good things I had in my life.
"We'll be okay," I murmured sleepily. His arms tightened around me before we drifted off.
My eyes blinked open suddenly. Confused, I caught sight of the clock. It was almost four in the morning. I felt shaky for some reason; my body was in a cold sweat as I tried to figure out what woke me. I slid out of bed, padding into the bathroom. It was quiet and still except for the occasional whoosh of the trees outside in the rain-driven wind.
Chalking it up to Halloween jitters, I washed my face. A little less sweaty, I opened the refrigerator for a coke and took a big swallow. The fizz burned a little, but it was cold and just what I needed. While I was leaning against the counter, there was a twinge in my stomach. Suddenly, it felt different; almost like a warning.
Panicked, I cried out, and looked up to see a flash of color outside the window. This time I briefly saw the faint outline of a silhouette and it scared the shit out of me. Another cry broke free as my stomach shivered eerily in response. Jake was in the kitchen in seconds, confusion and panic on his face.
"Bella? What happened?" he asked anxiously. "Are you okay?"
"Some…" my voice cracked. Taking a deep breath, I gasped, "Something's ou-outside. I just saw a flash of something in the yard, Jake. I saw it earlier before we came back here for the night!"
Jake was out the door in a flash. "Jake!" I cried, not wanting him out there. I grabbed the phone, dialing Embry's number.
He answered and his voice was groggy with sleep. "Huh?"
"Embry, it's Bella," I said still out of breath. "Something's outside here and Jake went out to look. Please, I know it's asking a lot, but can you back him up?"
His voice was immediately alert. "I'm on my way, and I'm getting Quil."
I moved out onto the porch, looking for Jake. He had disappeared and now along with the strange and indescribable sensation in my stomach, I was scared to death he would be hurt by whatever was out there. Embry and Quil appeared, reassuring me, but were gone in a flash. I worried about them now, too, but I knew strength in numbers would be better. It felt like it lasted a lifetime, but in actuality, it didn't take long before all three of them came back.
I stayed on the step with my arms wrapped around my middle until Jake came up and enfolded me in a hug. Embry ruffled my hair affectionately, giving me a reassuring smile. It was meant to calm me, and I appreciated the gesture.
"We didn't see anything, but I know something was out there," Jake told me, his hand nervously rubbing my back. "I could smell it."
"It smelled like a vampire," Quil added, "but it didn't smell quite the same as they normally do. So, we're a little confused as to what or who it actually is."
"Whatever the hell it was, it dodged us and disappeared. It's gone," Jake said reassuringly.
"We didn't even have to attempt to phase. It was gone that fast. I'm not sure how that would've gone; it's been a long time since we did," Embry said.
My stomach had calmed, though the feeling had been strange and unsettling. It hadn't feel quite right and I didn't know how to explain it. "You should get some more sleep," Jake murmured. I was practically falling asleep on him, though I was fighting it because I couldn't shake the worry.
Embry and Quil left and headed back home. Jake led me inside, helped me back into bed, and slid in next to me. Confused about something, I turned to Jake. "You still have some werewolf senses, right?"
He turned his head to look at me. "Yes. Why?"
"I was just curious. I mean, you said you hadn't smelled anything earlier. I mean, I thought I was just seeing things. That's why I didn't say anything."
He pondered that for a moment. "I guess it was a bit of a distraction with what was going on, the smell of the food roasting, and like Quil said, it didn't smell quite the same."
I nodded and lay back again. Fear still gripped me a little, which was making it difficult to rest though I was tired. "Jake, I…"
"You're safe," he murmured, knowing exactly how I felt. "And we'll talk more in the morning. Please, get some more sleep. You're obviously exhausted."
I nodded again, curling back into him, and falling asleep before I could say another word.
*~*~*
JPOV
The sky was lightening, and I was still too fired up to really sleep. I dozed off a few times, but that was about it. Bella was fast asleep, though, for which I was grateful. She was almost there, but I wanted to make sure she was careful and got the rest she needed to finish healing.
She stirred in her sleep, murmuring softly. I listened intently for a minute because she murmured Edward's name. It didn't particularly bother me. I knew she often dreamed of her time in Alaska; it was never anything good so it didn't worry me. It was just the way it was. Instead, I smoothed her hair, humming quietly a song my mom used to sing to me to help me fall asleep. It had been a long time since I'd thought of that, but it was what instinctively came to mind. The song had been something I enjoyed and that helped me sleep, though I would never have admitted it to my friends because of where it came from.
How high does the sycamore grow
If you cut it down, then you'll never know
And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
For whether we are white or copper-skinned
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountain
We need to paint with all the colors of the wind
She relaxed as I continued to hum.
When Bella was still, I continued to ponder over and over what the hell it was in the woods. The wolf inside had been dormant for nearly four years, and I could feel the beginning stages of it clawing inside of me, wanting to be released. There was danger to my family, my people, my land, and especially Bella. I didn't want that responsibility, the danger that went with it, and I wanted to remain human. I'd had enough of being a monster, but it didn't look like that was going to be the case.
I would be a wolf if it protected Bella.
I turned on my side to look at her. Her thick, wavy hair was spread out on the pillow in tangled disarray. Her long lashes fluttered slightly against her pale cheeks. My eyes lingered on her full, slightly off-kilter mouth; something I loved about her. Her small hands were bunched slightly around the fabric of the soft, blue quilt. When she shifted in her sleep, sighing, I knew she was about to wake.
Before she did, I pressed my lips against hers. She murmured slightly against my mouth, but I kissed her over and over. Why couldn't our life just be normal? I just wanted to wake up in bed next to her, knowing she was healthy and safe, go out on a date with her, make love to her without being afraid of hurting her, and damn if I didn't want to worry about wolf-ing out anymore.
But life was never easy. And we'd made it back to each other despite everything. We were sticking together through thick and thin and that was what life was supposedly about.
When Bella's fingers tugged lightly at my hair, I pulled back slightly. She smiled a little at me, her brown eyes still sleepy. "I need to breathe," she said. Contrite, I started to move away, but she took a deep breath and pulled me back to her.
Our mouths met again and her tongue darted between my parted lips. I stroked her, pushing the covers out of the way, working my way up to cupping her breast through the little tank-tops she wore that drove me crazy. When I moved down to taste her throat, she squirmed and her wince could be felt.
"Soon," I said softly, kissing her once more. She sighed, keeping her hand on the back of my neck. I rested my forehead against hers.
"Let's get something to eat," she said finally. She slid out of bed, wrapping a robe around herself, and I followed her into the kitchen. We made French toast, and I smiled when she handed me a cup of coffee sprinkled with a dash of cinnamon.
The subdued light trickled in the windows while we ate. It felt like a completely normal morning, but we needed to talk about last night. It wasn't something either of us relished, but we knew it had to be done.
"Was last night, before we came back here, the first time you thought you saw something?" I asked.
She nodded, looking down and folding her hands around her coffee cup. "I thought maybe I was seeing things. It happened so fast. It didn't feel right, and I should have trusted my instincts. You didn't sense it, and I didn't want you to go off looking."
"What happened this morning?" I asked her, taking the last bite of bacon.
She frowned, looking really worried for a brief second. "What is it?" I would never cease to worry about her especially when she looked like that.
"It's hard to explain, but right before I saw whatever it was outside the window, my stomach felt strange. It didn't feel anything like it normally felt; it was a shivery sensation, like something was moving. It was almost like an… alert."
My own stomach felt strange when she said that. How the hell could that be? Oh shit, what if Edward left something else inside her? The thought made the wolf snarl, and I felt fury boiling deep. "So… you knew something was out there because of that?" I had to be careful.
She nodded. "It didn't feel right, Jake," she whispered. "I didn't like it, and I don't know what it could be."
"Maybe that son of a bitch left something else…" I said, struggling to control my temper. If that was why she might be unable to have children, I was going to Alaska to rip his head off.
At my statement, Bella's eyes widened in shock. "No, Jake, that can't be. It probably has to do with the surgery, nothing else. Carlisle would have seen and said something."
She sounded certain, but I couldn't help feeling that niggle of doubt. "He's supposed to call, right? From what he said, you have a day or two left. He wanted to follow-up."
She got up and moved around the table. I slid my arms around her waist, pulling her onto my lap. Shaken, we held each other, unsure of what was going on and what to do about it. Burying my face in her neck, I breathed in the smell of cinnamon and her soft lilac scent.
She smoothed my hair, her touch soothing. "We'll talk to Carlisle soon. We'll figure this out and we'll go back to normal. Everything will be okay; you'll see," she promised.
I truly hoped she was right.
*~*~*
BPOV
I spent the rest of the day with Charlie, willing to help pass out candy that evening for trick-or-treaters. I planned on cajoling Jake to help me with that after dinner. He, Billy, and Sue planned to come up and eat with us. I spent the afternoon under my dad's watchful eye. Finally, I headed outside with a towel and a book, having had enough of overprotective men. Spreading the towel out, I stretched out on my back, propping my one leg on my knee and resting my book there.
Charlie came out to clean the grill and watch me. Ignoring him, I continued to read, grateful that he offered to grill so I didn't have to cook. I heard Jake's car pull up, so I hopped up and headed into the house to make a big salad. When they came in, I gave Jake a little smile. He kissed the top of my head. "I thought you weren't making anything?" he questioned, quirking an eyebrow.
"I can probably handle making a salad. I'm not an invalid," I said, giving him an elbow shove.
We got the table set, my dad grilled the steaks, and I put Jake in charge of oiling up the potatoes to go into the oven. Once we sat down to eat, I leaned back in my chair watching my family eat dinner. It was something so simple, but it was what I had wanted for so long.
The kitchen was quiet; the only sound that could be heard was the click of the chess board from the living room. I stood at the stove, shivering in my hoodie, and cooking pasta. Cooking was something I mostly did out of habit in Phoenix, but when I'd lived in Forks, I had made food for the pack a couple times and ate with them. It felt like a real family gathering with a bunch of people who loved each other.
Lonely, I stirred the pasta and heated up the meatballs. Here, I was the only one that ate food. There was no one to cook for, no messes to make, no loud laughing and talking. I felt a tear slide inadvertently down my cheek.
Jasper and Emmett came into the kitchen, back from hunting. They greeted me, but what I saw had me pausing. My answering smile was shaky, but I kept it as normal as possible. There had been blood at the corner of Emmett's mouth, and I felt my stomach roll slowly.
"What am I doing?" I whispered.
Bracing my hands on the counter, I took a deep breath. I knew this going into the marriage; knew that Edward and his family needed blood for survival, but suddenly it was hitting home that I would have to do this myself if I'd allow myself to be changed. It was a sickening thought.
I managed to finish making my dinner, sat down at the lone place setting at the table. Edward came out to the kitchen then; sat at the other end. The gesture was appreciated, but we didn't have much to say to each other anymore. I was surprised he even bothered. Our eyes met, and I felt the loneliness bubble up again even with my husband sitting there.
The images of my father, Jake, Billy, Jake's brothers and sisters... it was all I could think of as I ate dinner in the silent, sterile kitchen in Alaska.
Jake's hand brought me back as he wrapped his fingers around mine. "You okay?" he asked quietly. "You look kind of sad."
I smiled, squeezing his hand. "I'm fine. It was just a memory."
I could feel his eyes on me, but I began to eat, grateful that I had the family, the noise, the mess in my life now. The sky was already beginning to darken, so while Sue and Jake offered to clean up, I got the candy ready for the trick-or-treaters. Everyone ended up staying, helping to pass the candy out. I couldn't help laughing as Jake swung the door open, his Bane mask in place, freaking out most of the kids.
Charlie shook his head. "You're scaring the shit out of them, kid," he said, but his mouth twitched.
Jake grinned evilly. "That's the point."
I got up to go get some beer and wine for all of us when suddenly that shivery feeling took over my stomach. I bit back a cry, but I jerked my head toward the window in the kitchen. There was nothing there, but it didn't matter. I knew something was out there, putting not just me and Jake, but now the rest of my family in danger.
My stomach was gripped with the oddest sensation, a slight shiver of movement, and I couldn't bite back a cry as it swelled and ebbed. It set me off-balance, and I tried to catch myself on the counter, slamming my knee into the handle of a cabinet before I landed on my knees on the floor. Holding my stomach, I bent over, gasping.
Warm hands were on my back in seconds, but I could only focus on my stomach. Finally, it eased and stopped, and through the rushing sound in my ears, I heard Jake's voice. "Bella… Bella… honey, talk to me." His voice sounded frantic, so I struggled to focus.
"Jake," I rasped. "I'm… I'm okay…"
"What happened…?"
"Is she okay?"
"Jake, what the fuck is going on?" Charlie's voice exploded, and I finally snapped to attention.
Jake and Charlie both had one of my arms and was lifting me, moving me, and easing me onto the sofa. "Is it the same thing…?" Jake started to ask, and I nodded, interrupting him before he could say more.
He disappeared outside immediately. Billy was watching me silently, understanding, and I felt the sudden urge to cry. What the hell was happening to me? I was sick of this, of feeling like a freak and being reminded of things I'd rather bury and forget, and especially of putting people I loved in danger. A few tears did escape, and I swiped the back of my hand across my face.
When Jake came back in, Charlie's face had darkened considerably. "Bella, it's time you fill me in. What's wrong? I sat back long enough, giving you time you needed, but now I need to know what the hell happened." His tone was hard and there was no getting around it.
Jake's eyes met mine and we communicated silently. Tell him, he was saying. We might as well. He's in danger, too.
Billy was looking down at his hands, Sue was biting her lip nervously, and I swallowed around the lump in my throat. I hated talking about this, but now I needed to confess.
Keeping it simple, omitting some details, I spoke in monotone. "I was in danger. I know this will be hard to believe, but there aren't just humans in the world. There are other… beings. There are vampires, werewolves, and who knows what else. I'd found out about the Cullen's, but they were different. They didn't hurt people. I loved Edward in a way, but I think it was mostly just being in thrall with him. I let myself get swept away, but I was pulled into their world nevertheless."
Charlie was staring at me slack-jawed. "Bella, did you hit your head?" he asked worriedly.
Jake sighed. "It's true, Charlie. I'm one of the wolves, though I haven't phased in a few years. I can shape shift into one and I rid this area of vampires. Just ask Billy."
Billy looked up and met Charlie's eyes. "I'm sorry, Charlie, I really am. Our legends are true, but we've never been allowed to speak of them outside of the tribe. What Jake says is true."
Sue reached out and squeezed Charlie's hand. "It's a lot to process, I know. I'm sorry it had to be kept quiet."
"You… knew my daughter could be in danger and you did nothing?" His voice was dangerously quiet.
"Dad, you would've been in danger, too," I said quietly. "I stumbled across this by accident. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to put you in danger, too. The threat here was taken care of, but after I married Edward, I was in danger from something that doesn't live anywhere near here."
"I'm finding this… really difficult to believe," he said faintly. "You knowingly married a, um, vampire?"
He looked bewildered, upset, and angry.
Jake squeezed my shoulder gently. "I'm sorry, dad. I should have told you, but I was never in danger from the Cullen's. They aren't bad people; they're just not the people I needed to be around, which is what I discovered after moving to Alaska. When we found out I was in danger, they staged my death. I barely had time to process the fact that I'd have to give up my family."
I started crying again. "I f-fucked up so bad," I gasped, startling everyone. "I missed you more than anything in the world. You and Jake. I didn't know the news would travel back to Forks that I was dead. I had no clue or I would've put a stop to it then and there. It was to keep me safe, but it made everyone I truly care about suffer."
I reached out for my dad and felt my heart ache as he hesitated briefly in holding on to me. "Please," I whimpered. "Dad, I know I screwed up so much, but it was supposed to be a temporary separation. It was just until the vampires in Italy thought I was truly dead. My marriage to Edward was falling apart before that, though, because I wanted to be home with you and Jake. I'd come to my senses and wanted a normal life back."
He held me then, and I buried my face in his shoulder. I haltingly explained that vampire venom was inside me, but didn't tell him how. I explained that Carlisle came and helped me, that I was healing, but we needed to talk to him about what was going on. We needed to find out who was hiding in the woods.
My head was pounding at the end of my speech and my back was tense.
"I'm sorry," I said again.
"That's why it took me so long to forgive her," Jake said quietly. "I was born to kill vampires, to protect people, and I wasn't given the chance because she didn't want me or anyone she cared about hurt. Charlie, I'm sorry you were kept in the dark, too. I know how it feels in some way, but I also know how much Bella missed you and loves you. She's become stronger for this, knows what she truly wants now."
Charlie nodded faintly, looking dazed.
"I think I need to be alone for awhile," he finally said. He still looked angry, but more worn now. "Billy, Sue, can you please leave?"
They left, Sue crying a little, but Charlie gave them a weak smile. He was angry, but he wasn't shutting everyone out entirely like before. It made it easier, but it still hurt, knowing what I did to him.
"Jake, take Bella home," he said hoarsely. "I'll talk to you soon."
I started crying, reaching for Charlie, but Jake gently hauled me up. "Honey, it's okay," he whispered.
"Bella, I love you," Charlie said. "I'm not going to lie. This hurts a lot, I'm confused, and I'm angry. I need to think things over, but we'll talk soon. I love you, baby. Always."
I nodded, still crying, when Charlie turned away to hide his own tears. Jake carried me outside to the car while I clung to him. I curled into a ball, unable to speak. When we reached the apartment, Jake carried me inside. On the sofa, I climbed onto his lap. He held me, rubbing my back, and I was resigned to calling Carlisle again tomorrow.
"He looked so lost," I said. I rubbed my eyes which felt gritty from crying. "I hate that I did this to him, to you. Will he ever forgive me?"
"Honey, he's your dad," Jake said soothingly, rubbing my back. "He loves you more than anything. He's confused, angry, and upset; just let him process this. You'll both get through this together, like we did, but he's your dad. It's different. It'll be easier. You'll be honest with him from now on, and you'll be the better for it."
He kissed me gently, and I nodded wearily. He took me to bed, tucking me in, and stretched out next to me. I listened as he made a call to Embry and Quil, and I felt better knowing Charlie and everyone would be looked after. Jake turned to hold me against him, and silently I wondered what the next day would bring.
Chapter 19
*~*~*
AN: I wasn't sure if I was going to include what's out there in this chapter, but since this chapter got bigger before I knew it, I decided next chapter! So, you'll definitely have that info in the next one. :o) Did the talk with Charlie go the way you expected?
The song for this chapter… it should be listened to! I always thought it described Bella/Edward to a T. Also, I just wanted to say a quick thanks to the reviewers that I don't get to respond to personally. I always mean to, and I actually remembered this time, so thank you!