A surplus of bitching - I have to get this shit out of my system
I haven't updated this thing in a while...oh well. Last week was stressful as hell, I'm glad it's over. I got sick Saturday morning, threw up like 3 times, then was sick all of Sunday, and all week until like Wednesday when I started feeling a little better. But I mean school was just the worst...so much was going on and I was just doing my best to keep up.
My mom spilled something nasty and sticky all over the fuckin keyboard...it's a joy to try and type when my fingers keep sticking to the keyboard. (And no I do not need any nasty jokes from Alicia and Katie..lol)
Umm...it's SPRING BREAK!!! We leave for Myrtle Beach really early Monday morning, and by really early I mean that I'm probably just not goin to bed Sunday night. My mom finally remembered and asked me about that today. I'm so zoned out today...I hope that gets better. I like cannot focus on anything..
I think me and Dan had a fight last night. I'm not sure...I'm glad I was too tired to stress about it and I just fell asleep. But the thing is, I knew I was tired and should have just gone inside and went to bed instead of talking to him. He didn't get that I was tired and usually i'm like in a bad mood if i'm that sleepy...oh well. I still think he shouldn't said about 3 of the things that he said, because they were just hurtful and unnecessary. I'm sure he'll say he was joking. That's his excuse for everything i don't like. It was a joke, it wasn't serious, why would I take it seriously? So anytime I get pissed, I'm supposed to just remember it was a joke. What a fun game.
I hope that didn't sound bitchy. I just hate acting like a bitch, and I'm sure I was, which makes me mad at myself...oh well.
Since my mom remember I was going to Myrtle beach in a few days, apparently she thought it'd be cute to call me fat. And people wonder why my self esteem is like flat on the ground at times. Well this is why. You would think my mom, who gave birth to me, could be nice and supportive of me, especially when she knows I work hard just to maintain my weight and not get sickeningly huge. But no, she thinks it was cute or something, because after she gets this big smile on her face. Ha, bitch, what a funny joke.
Oh, now's a good time to talk about last Monday - it was my brother's 28th birthday. Well, here's the thing. My brother got my mom her birthday present (her bday was the week before) and he hadn't brought it to her yet because A. she hadnt taken her medicine over the weekend (big surprise there) and B. he got sick and was feeling shitty so he didnt wanna come over. So he calls and he's like "When is a good time to bring you your present?" She tells him Saturday. What the fuck???! Saturday? Great idea mom, Saturday, the day you NEVER take your medicine. Swell. But you know what the worst is? It's ALWAYS me trying to fix this shit and make everyone happy. And I just get so damn tired of it. So anyways, along comes saturday, my mom doesnt take her medicine, My dad and brother are over my house when I get home from my friend's, and my mom's nowhere around. (she's in bed) So they went out and got a birthday cake, and are all ready to celebrate her's and my brother's birthday, and she can't even have the decency to take her medicine and get her sad ass out of bed. Isn't that nice? So I have to spend that entire day, (keep in mind I'm feeling like shit) making up the same old excuses for her, (She's sick, she's not personally trying to hurt you, she always does this, it's just her thing not to take her medicine on Saturday, we'll celebrate on Monday) all because of they way my family is. I mean, if my mom cares about me, why does she do this shit to me? So Monday comes around, and I'm just like, mom, you have to call dad and tim, and you have to make a little effort. (I was sick as hell monday) I'm like that's just not right for you to tell tim to come over saturday, then not even get out of bed to see him. Why do you have to act so selfish? So then she throws her usual bullshit of "This is why I never take my medicine, why should I when all that happens is you yell at me and abuse me when I get up? Why should I get out bed for that shit?" And we all know that shit makes me feel real good...so me and her got in a big fight, I ended up crying about 3 times that day...it was a fun day , let me tell you. The thing is she did end up getting up, calling them, going out and getting Tim a bday present, etc. But you know what? She probably thinks she deserves a fuckin medal for that shit. And I don't think she does. Because I spend my life makin up for the things she doesn't do, or the things she says she will do and never bothers following through with. I understand that she doesnt want my dad in her life, but you know what? She shouldn't pretend she does then. She should just tell him, so he can move on. She isn't fuckin doin him or anyone else any favors doin the shit she does. and I always have to hear about it. "Why is your mom such a bitch? Why doesn't she take her medicine? What the hell's wrong with her? How can she sleep all day long?" LIKE I KNOW THESE ANSWERS, and I ALWAYS have to hear this shit. Because don't you think if I knew the answers to these questions, it wouldn't upset me so much, dad? DONT YOU EVER THINK THAT? They're both fucked up, and I am tired of being in the middle, this shit shouldn't happen. I'm not the peace keeper. It's not my designated title.
I went shopping yesterday and the day before...I got 2 new pairs of pants, some bathing suits, and like 6 new whorish clubbing shirts. I'm excited. Oh, and I got shoes too. Packing should be a project all in itself. Well...that's about it for now.