Good job Jon, the Petrarchan turned out well. i liked how you had the influence of the Shakepearian at the end with the final thought wrapped into a two line moral. We also ended our poems with the same word. i'm gonna have to say one of my favorite parts is lines 3 & 4:
My pal’s consensus was it’d buy him health, But in the end it left him dry as bones.
i'm a sucker for lines with puns such as the latter. nice poetic liberty take with "off’ng." in line 7. I also like your phrasing in line 6 with "short of stealth." You did a better job of eliminating the beat of Iambic Pentameter than I did. it's easy to see your Folk influence from Simon and Garfunkle. if you don't mind, when i post mine i'm gonna put up your's with mine so whoever can see them both and benefit equally. Awesome Job!!
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My pal’s consensus was it’d buy him health,
But in the end it left him dry as bones.
i'm a sucker for lines with puns such as the latter. nice poetic liberty take with "off’ng." in line 7. I also like your phrasing in line 6 with "short of stealth." You did a better job of eliminating the beat of Iambic Pentameter than I did. it's easy to see your Folk influence from Simon and Garfunkle. if you don't mind, when i post mine i'm gonna put up your's with mine so whoever can see them both and benefit equally. Awesome Job!!
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