[nieljoe/capjoe] the fault is all mine

[exzhile]

Originally posted by nieljoes at [nieljoe/capjoe] the fault is all mine

title: the fault is all mine

pairing: nieljoe, broken!capjoe

genre: angst, fluff ((ish??))

rating: pg-13

word count: 2.9k



the weather is fair. minsoo thinks it’d be a good day to go swimming, if he enjoyed the activity. the ocean waves tug at his feet as he stands by the water’s edge, ignoring the dull ache in his gut. the bruises have gotten worse since the previous night, he observes.

despite daniel’s lanky frame, he certainly packs quite a punch.

minsoo’s still not sure if he deserved it or not, though.

more importantly, he’s surprised he doesn’t have a hangover. he usually has a high tolerance for alcohol and drinks too much, leaving him in excruciating pain for at least two thirds of the following day. how his head is clear is a complete mystery to him.

just like this weather, actually. he vaguely remembers seeing storms forecasted for today, so that doesn’t explain why the sky is void of any clouds.

the beach looks a little different in the daylight. without the crowds of people, dj’s stand blasting music, fold-out tables laden with beer and punch, it feels a little lonely. and the silence hanging in the air is all but deafening, especially when minsoo is left to his own devices like this.

whose idea was the party? he doesn’t think he could recall, even if the culprit were standing in front of him with a sign around their neck to identify them. for all he knows, it was his own, but he doubts that, considering he definitely remembers arriving later in the evening with byunghun clinging to his arm.

his stomach plummets when he realizes he’d thought the name. he told himself he wouldn’t mention it today. at least not yet. it must have managed to worm its way into his thoughts when his guard was down, when he was distracted watching the waves and feeling the sun on his skin.

the beach is a dangerous place when there’s no alcohol.

daniel takes a few deep breaths, trying to stem the pain that floods his face with each one. there’s a solid bruise swelling right under his right eye, and another on the left side of his jaw. it’s a miracle he can still talk without tears stinging his eyes. looking in the mirror, he figures it could be worse.

if anyone asks, he can always say he fell against the corner of a table or something. with the party last night, it’s a believable story.

god, the party. whose idea even was it, he wonders. he’s curious, but, really, it doesn’t matter because in the end he knew he shouldn’t have gone. from the minute ricky mentioned it, to minsoo inviting him to join him and byunghun.

byunghun.

forgetting his pain for the first time since he’d returned home the previous night, daniel wonders where the elder male had gone. after minsoo launched the first punch, he’d lost sight of byunghun and had made no attempt to find him after escaping from minsoo’s fists.

he’s worried. byunghun wouldn’t have gone to minsoo, would he?

daniel’s stomach clenches uncomfortably.

what is he thinking? of course byunghun would go to minsoo. he’s minsoo’s boyfriend. daniel is the equivalent of nothing next to that.

even still, he finds his thoughts going back to the party. the way byunghun danced with him should have been illegal, especially the way he moved his goddamn hips. daniel had really enjoyed the male’s small figure pressed up against him, just like he’d always imagined.

where had minsoo been during that? and why had byunghun kissed him at that moment, the moment when minsoo found the two of them? and where had he gone?

head aching, daniel runs a hand through his hair and takes one final look at his bruises. they’ll take a while to heal. well, it’s not like it matters.

he’s never been one to care too much about his appearance.

byunghun wants an easy way to explain this. a way that doesn’t hurt anyone. that had never been his intention, when minsoo first introduced him to daniel.

he’d had no way of knowing it would be nothing short of his downfall, that daniel would consume his very existence until the instant he kissed the younger male at the party last night. even now, when he should be sick to his stomach with guilt, he finds himself thinking only of daniel.

he hopes the younger boy made it home safely. he wonders if the punches minsoo had thrown had hurt badly. he’d have gladly taken them himself to spare daniel the pain.

the same goes for minsoo, too, while he’s on the subject. he didn’t think daniel had it in him to fight back, not when the boy had done so well a job of concealing how he really felt for byunghun.

perhaps it’s the way in which daniel had returned the blows that has byunghun hoping. that somehow this will work out. that somehow minsoo won’t tear daniel to shreds and leave byunghun all by himself.

that’s really the last thing he wants right now.

in fact, what he really wants is just to go back. he wishes he hadn’t let the alcohol impair his judgement, that he hadn’t gotten so caught up in the way daniel moved against him, that he had never let their lips meet.

then maybe things wouldn’t be so complicated.

minsoo hears daniel’s labored footsteps in the sand before he sees the younger boy approaching. “i thought i’d find you here,” daniel says softly, and minsoo turns around, eyeing him warily.

“well, congrats, you found me,” he responds, returning his gaze to the water. after a moment of silence, the younger boy comes to stand beside him, kicking up droplets of water that protestingly lick at the bottoms of minsoo’s shorts. “what is it?” the elder asks when he catches daniel staring at him.

“i,” daniel starts, pausing to swallow and hurriedly look away. “i’m sorry. really.” minsoo fights the urge to roll his eyes, but he hears the sincerity in the younger boy’s voice. as much as he wants to be angry, he just can’t muster it.

sighing, he shoves his hands into his pockets, ignoring the sharp pain in his side at the sudden action. “i guess it’s a little late to tell you not to touch my boyfriend, huh,” he says half jestingly with a shrug, regretting the statement when he sees the sheer guilt written on daniel’s face.

“i want to tell you,” the younger boy mutters, looking down at the water. he hesitates before continuing, voice quieter than ever. “i want to say that it won’t happen again. i wish i could tell you it was a mistake. but…” he swallows again, mustering the effort to look back up and at minsoo. “i can’t make that kind of promise.” the elder male’s eyes narrow. “the only thing i can tell you right now is that byunghun means so much to me. i really, really like him.” minsoo holds his gaze for a moment longer before finding more interest in the waves lapping at his feet.

“... why are you telling me this?” he finds himself asking.

it’s not even that he wants to know. he doesn’t want to know. he doesn’t care if byunghun is the world to daniel. he’d rather not think about it.

“because…” daniel becomes flustered again, looking down as he wiggles his toes in the sand. “i thought you deserved to know.”

maybe he does deserve to know. maybe it’ll make him feel better in the long run, to know that at least byunghun is with someone who cares about him.

but maybe he’s getting ahead of himself.

“do you know where he is?” daniel starts at the sound of minsoo’s voice, nearly slipping as a particularly large wave washes almost up to his knees.

“i wish i did,” he says, giving the elder boy a cautious look. “have you tried calling him?” minsoo stays silent, not looking up, and daniel is overwhelmed once more by an overpowering sense of guilt.

of course minsoo would have tried to call byunghun. he’s stupid for having asked. to his surprise, though, a light flush colors minsoo’s face.

“i haven’t,” he admits, exhaling slowly and avoiding daniel’s shocked expression. “i thought you would have.” blush creeps onto daniel’s cheeks, as well. “he… he’d be more likely to answer if it were you calling, anyway.” his stomach twists into knots.

he wants to tell minsoo he’s wrong.

but is he? daniel hardly knows what’s what anymore.

“... you should call him,” the younger male says, hoping his voice doesn’t waver. minsoo glances over at him, scrutinizing him.

“didn’t you just hear what i said?” the elder boy asks, a slight bite in his tone. “if it’s you-”

“but i think you should be the one to do it,” daniel interrupts. minsoo’s expression morphs into a glare.

“don’t be ridiculous,” he snaps. “you didn’t see the look on his face when i-” he cuts off, and daniel’s heart drops as he once more remembers the previous night.

ok, there minsoo is wrong. daniel did see it. byunghun’s horrified expression when minsoo’s fist connected with daniel’s jaw. the way his eyes widened to the point it looked like they’d pop right out of his head, the tiny o-shape his lips formed as he was pushed away from daniel’s side.

noticing minsoo’s phone in his pocket, he lunges out, catching the male off guard and succeeding in snagging the device. “hey!” minsoo utters gruffly, making to take it back. daniel steps out of his reach and holds up the phone, the screen showing byunghun’s number on speed dial.

“i’m calling,” he says, dodging once again when minsoo attempts to grab the phone.

“goddammit ahn daniel-” the elder in vain tries once more to grab the device out of daniel’s hands before both of them stop in their tracks.

a familar ringtone grows louder and they both look up to see byunghun standing with his hands in his pockets. daniel’s heart leaps into his throat.

“hey,” byunghun greets with a small, sad grin.

and daniel finds himself wondering. does minsoo know?

that byunghun was the one who initiated the kiss, not daniel.

“where have you been?” minsoo asks. his voice sounds strained, and byunghun can barely even muster the courage to look at his face.

“around,” he replies, shrugging. “i thought you guys might be here.”

his gaze finds daniel’s, and he holds it for probably longer than he should before his eyes sweep over the bruises on the younger boy’s face. he wants so badly to cup the boy’s face in his hands and gently kiss the swollen, discolored areas, to find some way to take away any and all pain he’s feeling.

his train of thought screeches to a halt when he realizes minsoo is still looking at him, reading him like an open book like he always does.

byunghun wonders.

what would it have been like if he still felt the same about minsoo? if he’d never fallen so irreversibly for daniel. would he have overlooked daniel’s poor face and focused more on the way minsoo held one hand to his gut and sucked up the pain dealt by daniel’s retaliated punches? would he have lingered longer on the way the corner of minsoo’s mouth twitches as he fights whatever brash remark is on the tip of his tongue?

minsoo has always been so considerate of byunghun. even now, when he has the opportunity to throw insults and punches until byunghun is battered and bleeding, he keeps his mouth shut and fists lowered. it’s probably why byunghun agreed to date him in the first place; it had felt so nice to have someone who cared so much.

but he’s never truly felt love like he does now. for daniel.

not for minsoo.

“um,” he mumbles, but minsoo shakes his head.

“i know,” the male says quietly. “you don’t have to explain.” byunghun feels a wave of gratitude toward him, for he’s not sure he’d be able to find the words to describe everything that has happened. is still happening, even.

he can still remember the first time he met daniel, looked him in the eyes and felt everything sort of just click, the way the last puzzle piece fits right in place after every other piece has been put together. it’s corny, to put it that way, but he’s never been very good with words.

he wonders if the first time he met minsoo was the same. he can’t really recall.

maybe minsoo isn’t really mad. he thinks it’s a little bit more between disappointment, regret, and emptiness, or a strange mix of all three.

it’s disappointing to see byunghun looking so longingly at someone else. minsoo’s nearly 100% certain the same look had never been directed at him, but it unsettles him nonetheless.

he regrets not doing more. if he’d tried harder to keep byunghun’s attention, to get him to fall as in love as he is, perhaps he wouldn’t have had to worry about that look right now. the one that never got directed at him.

he feels empty because he already knows the outcome. he knows byunghun will not stay by his side, and he knows that he will not be able to see the male after this.

for longer than he’d like to admit, byunghun has been a huge part of his life. without him, he’s not sure what he’ll do.

holding the younger’s small frame in his arms, kissing his lips swollen. touching his lean body, making him shudder, extracting noises that drove him over the edge.

how long had byunghun only thought about daniel?

minsoo’s beginning to think it was a bad idea to count the times byunghun had told him “i love you.” how many of them had been sincere?

“i’m sorry,” byunghun murmurs, drawing minsoo out of his thoughts.

shut up, minsoo thinks jaggedly. instead, his mouth barely opens as he replies, “it’s ok.”

it will be, he suspects, after a while. once minsoo has forgotten his taste and scent. when he no longer remembers the male’s favorite shirt, or how his hair looks after they spent the night together and he hadn’t had time to style it.

if being with daniel will make byunghun happy, then minsoo is prepared to give him up.

and that scares him.

daniel’s heart practically stops beating when minsoo abruptly raises a hand, byunghun flinching as it comes dangerously close to his cheek. he’s about to step forward, intercept before the blow reaches byunghun, but just as suddenly, minsoo’s fist unfurls and he gently touches byunghun’s cheek.

it makes daniel’s stomach churn, to see the inalienable affection in the elder male’s gaze.

how could he ever think to outdo that? how could he think that byunghun would be better off with him when minsoo so obviously cares that much?

“please smile,” minsoo says quietly, fingers presently leaving the smaller male’s skin. “if you’re happy, i can’t hate you.” daniel sees the tears that form in byunghun’s eyes, feeling similar ones stinging his own.

it’s not fair, he finds himself thinking.

and yet he can’t deny the fluttering in his chest as byunghun walks over to him and laces their fingers together, giving minsoo one last meaningful look.

“thank you for everything, minsoo,” byunghun says.

daniel is thankful, too. without minsoo, there would have been no byunghun.

but perhaps this is the wrong way to go about showing his gratitude.

“do you think it was ok?” byunghun asks, glancing over at daniel. “to leave him there.” he almost turns around to look back at the spot where minsoo would be standing, still allowing the waves to dampen his feet.

“minsoo hyung will be fine,” daniel reassures him, giving his hand a squeeze. “you know him. he just needs a little time to get back on his feet and then he’ll be back to his old self.”

it wasn’t exactly what byunghun meant, but he supposes he won’t worry.

he knows daniel is right. minsoo is strong. he’d seen it everyday while they were together. he hopes that someone else will see it, too.

“how’s your face?” he pauses, forcing daniel to stop as well so that he can more closely examine the younger male’s bruises. a sense of satisfaction arises when blush sparks across daniel’s cheeks.

“i-it’s fine,” daniel mutters, avoiding byunghun’s inquisitive gaze. as if on cue, though, he cringes as byunghun brushes his fingers along the bruise on his jaw.

“don’t lie to me, daniel-ah,” he scolds, leaning up to gently press his lips to the same spot. the action makes his body tingle, and has to resist the urge to kiss daniel’s entire face as he pulls away.

he had no idea being in love was so addictive.

“i’m sorry, hyung,” daniel says, voice just above a whisper. even with a guilty expression, with the bruises swollen on his face, byunghun thinks he looks beautiful.

“no more apologies,” he says.

yes, minsoo thinks, he will be able to move on. there is more to this world than love. he will find someone else who will love him and fill the empty space in his heart. or he maybe he won’t, and it doesn’t matter either way.

he will be fine. the idea that byunghun is happy is enough for him.

perhaps his only role in byunghun’s life was assurance. assuring that byunghun would be happy. assuring that he met daniel and fell in love.

so in the end, he figures everything that happened was his own fault.

if that is the case, at least he can boast he did a good job.