(no subject)
so. my brother is coming home for the summer on may 8. his summer job is in steven's point so he will be there maybe 4 days of the week and spending the night. my dad is flying out to meet up with him then they are driving home in his truck.
dennis is sending CAPTAIN, his black lab, home on an airplane with his friend maggie that's a flight attendant this week. soo basically captain will be here before dennis, and its my job to take care of him supposedly. cuz steven's not an animal person at all and ive loved captain since i met him at dennis's house in october. so while dennis is at work, captain will be my baby also. im really excited for all this. and summerrrr!!
so our catholic identity project. yea i was just gonna do it alone cuz i dont live by anyone. but then lauren was liek OH YEA ILL GET A RIDE TO YOUR HOUSE AND BLAH I DONT WANNA WORK ALONE and basically pressured me into letting her work with me 10 seconds before i was picking my topic. soo idk im probably just going to have to end up doing this alone cuz i have a really busy schedule and i doubt she'll have rides here when im actually free. oh well. our topic's abortion and im really aosrngikerg cuz this projects gonna make me very angry
science and history chapter tests tomorrow. am i studying? no
oh by the way im failing math. and so is everyone else. a lot of smart people too. thank you mr florek. but all my other classes are a's and b's
in other news
how am i supposed to react to hearing he has sex with his girlfriend? i mean.. sure i expect it.. it's his girlfriend.. they're 16.. sure. but this whole time ive been trying to like tell myself she doesnt exist and he was just making her up so i wouldnt have to deal with it. and now hes telling me all these details such as they have sex and they go to nyc together and shit. well.. even if i expected that he would have sex with his girlfriend, its making me really idk jealous. not of the whole sex thing but just of her. cuz now im pretty positive he's not making her up just to bother me. or for that matter, he could still be making her up and making it really convincing, succeeding in the whole bothering me aspect of this. and now i dont know what to say to him cuz im all confused and jealous and its really awkward between us. it's his girlfriend.. they can have sex.. but why cant i just let it be? why do i have to obsess over it? why does it have to bother me when the whole thing is perfectly normal?! why does he have to still flirt with me and crap when he has a girlfriend? cuz that just confuses me even more. i mean he says he loves me and he wants to be with me. 5 minutes later it's oh yea the last time me and my girlfriend had sex....... well what the hell. what am i supposed to think? WHO AM I ASKING THESE QUESTIONS? CUZ IM ASKING A LOT RIGHT NOW. and i cant ask him cuz he'll just.. freak. cuz i'm going crazy and thinking way too far into this. it should just be that he has a girlfriend, they can do whatever they want, im not with him. but then he has to throw in the other factors like him saying he wants to be with me, he'd dump his girlfriend for me, he can't wait for the summer and to be with me. i'm sorry for blabbing on but this is really bothering me and i don't know if i'm maybe overreacting or "underreacting" but it's just getting to me. i need someones opinion. because he is just confusing and confusing me and totally messing me up when i finally think i have the answers. just when i think im over him he throws something else on the table to watch me go crazy.. erngoaierklgneroiagkleargerg this kid is crazy. i mean im looking for someone else right now and the process isnt really going to fast, and he's definitely not making it go any quicker. i have every right to find someone different.. and i want to.. but i know perfectly well that even if im with someone else im still going to love this guy. and id rather be stuck on one guy then stuck on 2 and be totally screwed. MAN i dont even know
so someone give me their opinion on that. those of you who know me very well, you know exactly who im talking about. so id really appreciate if i could get some sort of advice from someone cuz im stumped.
jay asked me to go to california with him for a couple weeks... ehh. what do i tell him?
THANK GOD WE HAVE OFF SCHOOL FRIDAY. ONLY 3 MORE DAYS THIS WEEK. i thnik im shadowing at whitnall on friday.
oh and by the way.. I really just love hearing randomly from people that people I dont even know or talk to hate me or think im ugly or something. seriously your gay immaturity and rudeness flatters me. so many people have suddenly decided they hate me lately.. and i guess i could just be a bitch and not know it. maybe i come off as a bitch at first and they dont take the time to get to know me, i dont know. but im not going to waste my time worrying about what everyone thinks of me if they dont even know me. i'm not going to change who i am for a few people that need to get over themselves and stop gossiping like damn 9 year olds. grow up and stop juding everyone. focus on yourself cuz criticizing me isnt getting you anywhere besides your head's getting further up your ass. just keep your petty insults to yourself cuz i really dont care and it wont affect me