(no subject)
ahh so
yesterday... i started to talk to joe again
and a lot was said in one day. and things got so huge. things took such a huge jump. i mean one we dont speak for a year and then one random day he's saying he has to be with me?! DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE? IS THAT FAIR TO LIKE DUMP THAT ON ME? annnnnnnd im realyl over whelmed. cuz hes saying he wants to be with me again cuz the only time he was happy is when he was with me. and sure i was happy with him but that was SO long ago. i havent had a boyfriend in a really long time and if i went back out with him itd be a realyl serious relationship since we've dated before so l ong and i dont know if i want that. everyones saying me and him are meant to be but i dont know if i see that. he said he was thinking about me the whole time we werent speaking.. but i didnt start thinking about him agian until i saw him for the first time in like.. months. i have nooo idea what to do. he wants to "Start over" but i dont get how thats possible when so much has happened in our past! i dont even think im attracted to him at all anymore.. i mean i dotn know what to do!! i mean we've been through so much and he's hurt me a lot and i did the huge duty of getting over him and i moved on. but is digging really deep into my past really something i should do?! i was looking forward to meeting new people and trying to new things and going back out with him would just put me back in 7th and 8th grade and our relationship will be exactly the same as it always was and i want something different. its not that i like someone else i just dont know if i could dig back into my past for that. i think that it wouldnt be good for me.. and itd just be an accident waiting to happen. he made me so miserable and i dont get why time should suddenly make me forget that. just because he never dated anyone after me and he never stopped thinking about me.. . he never moved on.. doesnt mean i was the same way! i dated a lot of other people and stopped thinking about him and moved on. i dont know how to let him down though because he probably thinks that the reason im talking to him again is because i want to be with him. and i dont know if i can be with him.. even if thats destiny.. cuz its too huge and i dont think my heart would be in it. a lot has happened and im a different person now and i dont think its possible to like revive our relationship. its so far in the past for me and i think im the only one that notices that itd be the hardest thing ever. i think itd kill me. the main reason im talking to him again is to just be friends with him cuz hes a good guy.. but i cant do this again i mean its so much and it all piled up on one night.. people were saying i have to go back out with him.. but i dont think i can. aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh so much pressure. i mean hes my EX boyfriend for a reason!
didnt go to school today because im sickkk cuz i had really bad acid reflex this weekend and it made me sick
but holy shit!!! we performed at the last wave game of the season last sunday right.. well the wave people pick one performance out of allll the performances during their whole season that they felt was the best to perform at a playoff game!! and they picked us!! so next saturday night, may 14th, im performing at the playoff game! the game starts at 7 and it's gonna be on espn - national coverage! ahh! im so excited!!!