I find myself, when I am lonely,
nuzzling up to warm inanimates--
a brick wall in the sun,
a faucet through which hot water runs--
in the fantasy that their heat is my beloved's.

This morning a tearing singing sadness, such as I have not felt in a while. Yet I did not weep. Bizarre evening, which I lack the energy to describe. I stood awkwardly in my boy's clothing on Chicago Avenue, and pondered ethics as I gazed into the horse's liquid left eye. A little terror as I scuttled back to Union Station; self-induced. ( Read more... )

I'd guess I walked about fifteen miles today, visiting various far-flung frameshops by often circuitous routes. Tomorrow I will revisit most of them in order to hand in the resumes I neglected to bring today. I hope the weather is nice again. After a few hours I was noticeably fatigued; I began comparing myself to Thomas Hardy heroines--their ( Read more... )

Herman Gombiner had long ago arrived at the conclusion that modern man was as fanatic in his non-belief as ancient man had been in his faith. The rationalism of the present generation was in itself an example of preconceived ideas. Communism, psychoanalysis, Fascism, and radicalism were the shibboleths of the twentieth century. Oh well! What ( Read more... )

I'm more than a little scared about this job search business.
Have you noticed that Chicago is much larger than Falmouth?
It is.
Take my word for it.

Terror and trepidation!
Oh, oh, oh....

oh journal. I do feel strange ( Read more... )

I ought to be on the 12:33 train to Chicago, but I didn't realize this until 12:40. And, of course, the next one isn't until 2:33. But hopefully I'll be able to see this apartment on Lexington later today anyhow. Thus far I've been very bad about organizing said visit.

But oh, oh Journal! I've been sleeping today. Of late I've been sleeping ( Read more... )

This evening I saw the last two thirds of a movie my parents were watching--"Sliding Door," I think it was called. I didn't much like it. I kept thinking ( Read more... )

Bizarrely vivid dreams last night--though I'm off the narcotics now--about Mark and his brother Luke. So vivid as to confuse me when I awoke ( Read more... )

Indolence begets indolence.

Here are some rules.
1. Sleep a reasonable amount each night.
2. Eat a reasonable amount each day.
3. Read a lot.
4. Dress pretty.
5. Brush your hair.

Have your own place at this time next week.

I know that you feel dreamy and vague and frightened.
You will feel less so if you ACT.