Well, best thing I could say is to end it and explore life as you see fit. All I can say is that you probably have diverged in your live's paths. You did start in highschool, and now you are much older. Things have changed in your lives, so if either of you are looking for the same things, it is time to go your separate ways. I know you might want to stay in the comfort of your relationship, but in the mean time, you might stress out over keeping such a big secret for him.
Of course, it is a moot point if you actually like the thrill of a secret relationship...
No, I do feel guilty and bad for keeping something like this from him. It just seems so hard to end the relationship because we've been together for so long. I'm just afraid to make a mistake.
Look at it this way: you deserve to have a realtionship where you get 100%. If you arent getting everythng you want/need from your current bf, it is time to move on. It is the most fair way to deal with both yourself and the bf.
It doesn't go away from my viewpoint. I've finally ended it with my high school sweetheart... and fiance. I wish I had the resolve to end it long ago, but I loved and cared for him and hoped my feelings would grow and become what he deserved and I wanted. Shocking. Over 8 years in, and it didn't happen.
Eventually you'll have to make a decision. Only you know how you feel. Good luck!
Wow, its comforting to know that I'm not the only one who is experiencing this. It is just so hard to let go of something you've had for so long... Thanks for the advice and sharinf your story. It's quite a comfort.
I'm still going through it. Its ugly and painful. But its still feels better than to think about doing it after we're married or even worse, have kids. We're still pretty young and although I feel like I wasted a lot of valuable time (not that I didn't enjoy my time with him, but knowing/suspecting he wasn't the one that makes my heart go pitter-patter) there is still a lot of living left to do.
If you are concerned right now, end it before Kids get involved. Once you have the tie down and kids, life together gets HARDER to play with each other (nothing like the fear of a 3 yr old entering in on you to squash afternoon sex).
Maybe we just get lazy. Maybe we are just too tired to care.
I'm sure the excitement of the newness of the new guy is amazing (I know mine is), The game is in the hunt. But if you are hunting now because you are "resigned", it probably won't get any better.
I just read all of this...your story and mine are remarkably similar. My bf and I are actually in a trial period right now, where we are working on our issues...when the time is up in a few months, if we (really I) are still unhappy, we are splitting from an 8 year relationship--with kids. My other man is married though, and although we haven't done anything face to face yet it is looming on the horizon. I believe that once something does happen there, it will be the catalyst for sure. I wish us both luck, to enjoy what we deserve.
I dont think so...unless you refer to the Bible or other religious texts to dictate what a marriage should be. I'm not sure extramarital affairs ruin a marriage. I want to share as much with my wife as possible. She thinks about sex and with other people (as do I), so why enjoy and experience these things (and all things) with the person I love the most?! Whether its sex or a movie, I cant think a person I would rather do things with more than my spouse.
BTW...I'm not married...just stating for sake of arguing.
If you were actually married, your post would make more sense. Sharing your wife with other people while you are in the room, and it has been talked about beforehand is COMPLETELY different than secretive extramarital affairs. I know that you might know that already, but just so it is said.
Comments 21
Of course, it is a moot point if you actually like the thrill of a secret relationship...
Reply
It just seems so hard to end the relationship because we've been together for so long.
I'm just afraid to make a mistake.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Eventually you'll have to make a decision. Only you know how you feel. Good luck!
Reply
Thanks for the advice and sharinf your story. It's quite a comfort.
Reply
Mind if I friend you?
Reply
Reply
Maybe we just get lazy. Maybe we are just too tired to care.
I'm sure the excitement of the newness of the new guy is amazing (I know mine is), The game is in the hunt. But if you are hunting now because you are "resigned", it probably won't get any better.
But then I'm a little jaded.
Reply
Reply
Reply
i too wish us both luck :)
Reply
Reply
Reply
BTW...I'm not married...just stating for sake of arguing.
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment