question about the age old topic

[f18225]

I know the following topic isn’t the most popular to discuss readers of this blog, but I want to ask about it anyway. Why is it that the Caucasian male in an Asian female / Caucasian male couple is always accused to having the “Asian fetish”? Why isn’t the Asian female ever accused of having a Caucasian fetish of some sort? I’ve definitely heard my

Comments

[walther]

Is it because it’s still more common for the guy to do the pursuing in the relationship?i think that this may be part of it, but it might also have a lot to do with "whiteness" being the standard point of reference when most peole think about race in america. between the following two people, which one would most americans consider to have the abnormal "fetish"?: (1) a white woman who exclusively dates black men, or (2) a black man who exclusively dates white women? my guess is that most people would see the white woman as exhibiting more of a "fetish" between the two, probably because she chooses to pursue non-white partners. for whatever reasons, i think that on some base level it is still generally considered more "normal" (and status-boosting?) for non-caucasian people to desire having romantic relationships with caucasian partners than it is for the other way around

[f18225]

yeah, okay, i think you're right and this is pretty much the reason. i was thinking about it from a gender point of view instead of a racial point of view. this reminds of me of the term hapa, people are always labeled as half-asian (default white) instead of half-white (default asian).

[anonymous]

"accuse" someone of having a fetish? why is it a bad thing to have a fetish?

[f18225]

i think it depends on how we define fetish. if a fetish is purely a preference in physical characteristics, that's perfectly fine. but when a fetish also carries with it assumptions about a more submissive personality or exotic sexual prowess, it can be offensive.

[toshiclark]

feng, have you seen this? http://www.dho.ca/blog/432 . it does not answer your question, but is relevant and amusing nonetheless.

[splag]

Yeah, I don't know who's doing what kind of accusing, but the rationale might go something like this.

Let's say you know a white dude who's dated three asian girls, and an asian girl who's dated three white guys. In Massachusetts, roughly 90% of people are white and 5% are asian.

So the chance of these two situations occurring without any kind of fetish is
white dude: 5% * 5% * 5% = .01%
asian girl: 90% * 90% * 90% = 73% percent

Given that most people don't have huge dating histories, it's easy to see how you can draw an inference about the white guy (with only a few samples) but not the asian girl (unless she dates tens of guys).

Now, it's definitely possible that asian girls do harbor white guy fetishes (e.g. the common stereotype of japanese girls digging blond guys?), but based purely on observation, it'd be hard to make that claim. You'd need some inside info.

[f18225]

Yes, this is a very good point as well... though that assumes one's social circle from which dates originate reflects completely the statewide or national demographic, which is often not the case especially for urban non-whites.

[splag]

Sure, but even in communities like Harvard where Asians are over-represented (20% instead of 5%), and whites are under-represented (60% instead of 90%), the numbers don't look good (< 1% compared to 22%).

Maybe you're in a social circle that's 50-50 (or even more skewed towards asians). But even then, people don't always date in their social circles. For instance, I've never dated anyone in my existing set of friends. It's a question of who people are exposed to. If the people are living in Chinatown, then, you definitely have a case :).

But I do agree that in cases where exposure (rather than just social circle makeup) is equal, claims should not be made.

love the math!

[vchou]

since i am so bad at numbers, i started to laugh when i got to the .01%