it's been a while
This blog has sat collecting cobwebs for quite sometime. I realize it's not frequently read but that writing my thoughts down somewhere is better than not at all.
the past year has brought about some of the biggest lessons, realizations, and changes I have ever experienced, the largest one of them currently being that this four year journey that is high school will be over in thirty-four days. I looked back a little earlier tonight on entries from two summers ago, when things with my life were very very different, and couldn't help but think about how I'd gotten to where I am and how amazed I am that I have learned as much as I have.
It may be a little bit presumptious of me to say, but I think I have finally come to understand that there is no evil in the world, only shades of right in every individual person's mind. Everyone has a justification for their own behavior, everyone has a motivation, a reason, a person who keeps them doing what they are doing, a psychological experience that causes a behavior. Every action has a reason or a validation.
I don't think there is such a thing as true love. That concept of finding that one person who fits for you, and will some day come to you out of a crowd, and the instant you make eye contact with them you will know, that they are meant to be with you, that whole experience seems overly romantic and idealistic. It's something when i was young I'm sure I thought would some day happen to me, but at nearly 18, I am more than sure that if I find a person, a match in life, it will be out of the choices I make, and the people I see, and the person who I can come to an understanding in life with. Undying love frightens me too much. Being so madly in love with a person that you are blinded is one of the most frightening things that can happen to a person, losing sight of who you are, of who they are, of what the situation may be, and of wrongs, is really giving yourself up for the sake of love, and although it may be what makes hit records, it is also what causes people to stop living.
College is expensive. This is another thing i've come to learn. I can see the negative and positive arguements to communism, and without question one of the posititve arguements to a communist society is equally opportunity to a full education. I may never be better than another person in the eyes of the government, but at least i don't have to shell out 36,000 dollars i don't have per year for an undergraduate education which will yield me only that much on average as a salary in my firt few years out of college. I think the american youth would be better off fending for themselves in the jungle that fighting with themselves everynight for two hours of sleep to raise their gpas that one extra point to get one spot in advance of a kid in a class of 400, and in a pile of 30,000 applications which may not even get considered reviewed, even if the next einstein is at the bottom of the stack.
I realize this is completely unrelated to the last two very vague daunting paragraphs, but I want a new tattoo, and intend to get one immediately after graduation, per my mother's rules.