04: Watering The Fire
Victor drove back to the tents, having driven home furious the night before. It had taken several hours for him to realize that he’d moved too fast for the younger man, making him panic and fear him. When this realization had hit him, he’d left his hotel and started back to the circus, intending to apologize.
Brendon was still fuming over the sight he’d seen last night, though he did manage to take a few minutes to check in on Ryan, finding him sleeping fitfully. He had been tempted to awaken him, but had decided against it, not wanting Ryan to be awake just yet.
The sound of a familiar engine roared through the compound, causing Brendon’s eyes to narrow. He headed towards the parking lot, knowing it was much to earlier for any of the circus fans to be arriving. His eyes narrowed at the sight of Victor as he climbed out of his car. Brendon rose to his feet and started towards the other man, intending to share a few words with him.
Victor saw him coming and looked at him, his face flashing briefly with irritation, before smoothing back into worry, “Brendon, is Aquarius awake? I need to talk to him.”
“I’ll be fucked if I let you near him again!” Brendon spat, walking closer to him as they glared at each other. The heat rose, air stifling before a gust of wind came from Victor to even it out. Brendon pursed his lips together, trying to hold back his anger but he wasn’t able to.
“Oh yeah, like that’d be a first.” Victor muttered under his breath as he looked towards the tent.
Brendon grabbed Victor’s chin, making him face himself again, averting his attention. “Oh screw off, Victor.” He shot back, letting go of him and stepping back. “Why don’t you get back in your fancy little car and leave Ryan alone?”
Victor looked confused and blinked at Brendon, “Ryan?”
Brendon snorted, “You have no idea? His name is Ryan, not Aquarius.”
Victor jerked his chin away then, glaring at Brendon for his condescending tone. A strong wind burst out of no where, swirling around the two men as Victor slowly lost his temper. He took a step forward so he was in Brendon’s face and spoke in a low tone, “I don’t care what his name actually is, Brendon, but I will see him.”
“No, you won’t.”
Then just as suddenly, a wisp of thin flames wrapped around them with the wind, not touching them but keeping them in place. The temperature rose again before the air had knocked it back out. Fighting wind with fire wasn’t such a smart idea, but Brendon really didn’t care.
“What’s your problem, Brendon?!” Victor asked, incredibly baffled and irritated with the situation.
“My problem is you!” he snapped, the flames getting thicker; the wind picked up too, swirling around heavily. “I’ll say it once more. Leave him alone.”
On the other side of the area, Ryan was waking up. Howling winds tore through the area, making him looked at the top of his tent, watching as the material threatened to tear free. He was completely confused by this and he rolled out of his bed, wanting to find out what was happening. He pulled on a pair of pants and his jacket, not bothering with a shirt and left his tent. The first thing that caught his sight was Brendon and Victor looking like they were about to start a massive fight.
Ryan started towards them; moving quickly and hoping to prevent the fight that seemed to threaten to break lose and tear everything apart. As he got closer, he could hear their voices, though he was still uncertain as to what they were arguing about. Just before he reached them, he froze, realizing what they were fighting about.
“Fuck off, Brendon,” Victor snapped, “I want to talk to him, and you’re in the way.”
“No, YOU fuck off Victor.” He snapped back, shoving his chest rather roughly as the wind threatened to break free around the both of them. “I don’t want you talking to him, okay?!”
“Who are you to choose who I talk to?!” Victor snapped back.
Then all of a sudden the fire was gone in a whirl of water, and the wind was a sharp and bitter coldness that ate at their skin. They both stopped, turning around to see Ryan staring at them in disbelief. “Brendon…” he murmured. “What are you doing?”
“You shouldn’t be talking to people like him!” he snapped, glaring back at Victor.
Ryan looked completely baffled by this and looked at Victor, wondering if he knew what Brendon was talking about. He turned back to his oldest friend and blinked, “What do you mean by that?”
Brendon’s eyes narrowed, “I saw you last night, both of you. I even saw as you fled back to your tent in terror.”
Ryan’s eyes widened, but he never got the chance to say anything. Victor’s words sliced through the air, filled with rage and a touch of embarrassment, “You were spying on us? That is wrong in so many fucking ways.”
“What you did is also pretty fucking wrong in so many ways,” he said, partially mocking his tone and snapping back.
“Brendon!” Ryan exclaimed, incredibly shocked at what he was saying.
“What? I’m not stupid!” Brendon said, stepping back from both of them.
“Fuck this.” Victor said, getting incredibly irritated. “I’m out of here. Go to hell, Brendon.”
Victor gave one last glance towards Ryan before walking quickly back to his car. Brendon ran his fingers through his hair, sighing heavily as he shouted after him; “Same to you, asshole!” He really didn’t know why he was acting so protective, as he usually didn’t care what anyone did.
Ryan stared at Brendon for a moment before hurrying past him, intending on speaking to Victor. He reacted too slowly though, and could only stare at the back of the car as it sped off. He bowed his head, shaking silently. It was a new thing for him, to feel this much rage, but he did. It crept along his mind, engulfing his thoughts, so much that when Brendon placed his hand on his shoulder, Ryan spun around and backhanded him.
“Leave me alone, Flame,” he snarled before stalking back to his tent.
*****
Brendon tossed and turned in his bed that night, images flashing before his eyes while he slept. It was another nightmare, one of which he didn’t want to have anymore. He’d had it ever since it happened, but sometimes he learned to block it out. You’d never think that Brendon Urie, the beautiful attention-given circus boy would have problems. But everyone did, and everyone always had a reason behind their actions.
The bright crimson colors flashed before his eyes, very fast and a big blur. Brendon jerked to the side, not wanting to see it again. It was too much, and he hated reliving it every night. Suddenly then he found himself seven years younger than now, standing in his kitchen with his parents standing overhead.
“You’re a freak Brendon Urie!” they would yell. They’d yell it every night, but tonight was different.
“It was an accident!” Brendon protested, tears streaming down his porcelain face.
One of them stepped forwards, he couldn’t remember anymore. Tonight it was his mother, last night it was his father, and sometimes it was one of his siblings. They grabbed his forearm, leaving a sure imprint of a bruise as they dragged him around the house, still spitting out so many insults. He begged for them to stop, but they had never listened.
“You’re not even worthy of the Urie name!” the father said.
Suddenly flames were flashing before his eyes, and Brendon started thrashing in his bed more. “No!” he’d yell, and the flames would go away. But the parents were still there, suddenly dragging him out the front door and pushing him down the stairs. Brendon fell with a stumble, still managing to stay on his two feet.
His father shoved him toward the blue Toyota, and muttered: "Get… in… before anyone catches you." Brendon didn’t even bother nodding his head as he opened the back door and slipped inside, letting the darkness engulf him while he did. He sunk under the shadows, trying to take comfort in them as his parents slid into the front seats.
“Where are we going?” he asked, voice wavering with fear. Brendon wouldn’t have asked; had he not been terrified they were bringing him to the police station like they had threatened earlier.
“Vegas.” They said sharply, not even looking back at him as they started pulling out of the drive way. Las Vegas was only one town over, while Brendon lived on the suburbs at the time. But soon neon lights started passing him quickly, speeding by while he nervously clutched to his seat belt. Where were they taking him?
“BRENDON!” a voice bellowed suddenly out of no where.
Brendon jumped out of his bed, breaking back into reality. He was sweating, his practically bugged out of his head (more than usual) as he stared around, thankful he was back at the circus. He grabbed onto his blankets, pulling them up over his half naked torso and blinked around in the simple darkness.
Running his fingers through his hair, he noticed Ryan standing in front of him. He would have smiled had it not been for the angered look the younger boy was giving him then and there. Brendon screwed his face in up confusion, blinking up at him before glancing over at where his clock was. Sadly, it was too hard to read from where he was.
“What… what time is it?” he asked, still half awake.
Ryan crossed his arms over his chest, still bitterly upset about what had happened the night before. Victor was never going to come back now, and it was all Brendon’s fault; just because he had no attention to himself didn’t mean that no one else could have it. Ryan breathed quickly, saving all of his angry thoughts for his words, deciding to stand up for himself for once.
“Doesn’t matter,” he muttered, forcing Brendon to look back at Ryan. “What’s wrong with you?!”
“Well for one thing I’m fucking tired.” He said half heartedly, falling back against his bed with a soft thump. Ryan on the other hand grabbed his arm, pulling him back into a sitting position. “What do you want?!” Brendon asked, now getting irritated.
Ryan glared at the tone and snapped, “I want to know why the hell you were such an asshole,” he exploded before paling rapidly, realizing what he had just said. He covered his mouth, but is seemed Brendon was now furious.
Brendon sat up and turned to Ryan, his eyes flickering with flames, causing the room to light up as several objects caught fire. He didn’t seem to notice as Ryan stumbled back a step as he rose to his feet.
“What is your problem Ryan? I saw you feeling in terror, completely upset, and when I try and do something nice, like have the man that obviously upset you leave you alone, you get pissy at me!” Brendon snarled, stepping closer to Ryan.
Ryan was terrified, there was no doubt in that; while he wanted nothing more then to stand up to Brendon and tell him off for scaring away the only guy that had ever asked him out, he was terrified of what would happen if Brendon lost his temper completely. Ryan stumbled back a few more feet, trying to put more distance between the two of them, while trying not to look afraid.
Brendon bit his tongue, not wanting to say more. But not because of how terrified Ryan had looked, but because he didn’t think it was very fair; not to mention how tired he was. His breathing increased, eyes suddenly dancing with flames as tore his gaze away from Ryan.
“Is that it?” he asked, looking back at him again. “You clearly had more to say than that! Well, go on Aquarius!”
Ryan’s temper snapped then, his eyes shifted to that of raging waves and he suddenly shoved Brendon violently, sending him crashing to the bed. Brendon stared at disbelief before realizing that for the first time ever, Ryan was going to rant. He wasn’t sure if he should be proud or furious though.
“My problem is the fact you chased away the only person to ever ask me on a date. When he comes back after a bad ending, you chased him away! Why the hell did you do that? For all I know he could’ve been here to apologize, or at least talk to me! Were you jealous that I was getting attention that you weren’t?!” he cried out, his voice getting rougher. He had never ranted like that before, and it was hard on his rarely used vocals.
“Whoa!” Brendon exclaimed, still incredibly baffled that Ryan had pushed him. He ran his hands over his chest, feeling a bit of a blow before sitting back up, staring up at the kid in amazement. “What the fuck…” he muttered under his breath, looking around the room.
“Why the hell would I be jealous?” he asked, shooting his gaze back up to Ryan. “I broke up with him, remember?” Brendon started forwards, the fire in his eyes turning an eerie white while flames started to dance underneath of his feet. Then, a thin strip of fire wrapped around the both of them as he walked, keeping them only a couple of feet apart.
Reaching out, Brendon grabbed the edge of Ryan’s collar and pulled him towards him. “And by the way,” he added. “Never touch me again.” Brendon let go of him roughly, now noticing his fingertips ablaze.
Ryan stared in disbelief at Brendon, his heart shattering violently against his ribs at Brendon’s words. He stumbled away from the other man as the rest of his words finally filtered through his mind. He finally grasped the fact that Brendon seemed to be completely uncaring and it tore at him, violently. He reached up and rubbed his neck, noting idly that his shirt was slightly singed.
Ryan lowered his head for a moment before looking at Brendon and speaking, “Fine, I won’t touch you. Find a new stylist,” he snapped out, his words flowing softly from his lips. He spun around and left the room, never noticing the look that crossed Brendon’s face.
He looked completely stricken and shocked chasing after Ryan when the door slammed shut. Rolling his eyes he jammed it back open. He watched Ryan cross over to his bedroom and reached out, grabbing the back of his shirt. “Oh for God’s sake Ryan!” he muttered, pulling him back into the pitch black room.
“Look.” He said, slamming the door and practically pinning Ryan to it, his eyes dying down finally. “I did it… Look I didn’t want you getting hurt alright?” Brendon moved awkwardly, heading across the room to avoid his eyes.
Ryan stared at Brendon as he moved away before pushing himself off the door. He realized that the room was mostly dark because of him and released his hold on the shadows, causing the room to light up a bit more. Ryan wrapped his arms around himself in a form of self comfort before speaking, “But I did get hurt…”
His words were soft, almost unnoticeable, but Brendon heard anyway. He flinched slightly before turning around and seeing Ryan hugging himself. He ran his hand through his hair, wondering why he felt guilty suddenly. He took a step towards Ryan, but equally Ryan stepped away. Brendon arched an eyebrow at this before taking several steps forward, forcing Ryan to press against the door.
“I’m not going to hurt you, Ryan.”
“Maybe not, but you did tell me never to touch you again…”
“You shouldn’t have shoved me.”
Ryan swallowed hard, looking away from him in the awkward silence. He still loved Brendon more than he ever did, but he was now more afraid to make a move at all. He kept his arms wrapped around himself, while Brendon stared at the equally tall boy before him.
Brendon let out a slow sigh of breath, making Ryan look back at him. They watched each other’s eyes for a minute or so, Brendon feeling strangely guilty. He’d never felt like that before, so he really had no idea what to say in response. He blinked, while Ryan still held himself down. Brendon moved forwards, brushing a piece of hair out of Ryan’s face, looking almost like he was going to make a move on him. Ryan’s breathing hitched momentarily, his heart racing hard against his rib cage. Brendon was so close to him that he could practically count every speck of left over eyeliner underneath his eyes.
What was he going to do? Was Brendon going to kiss him, or would he kick him out? Ryan’s mind raced with images, not knowing exactly what to do with himself. Then Brendon stepped back, offering a small smile. "I’m sorry.” He offered, thinking of how it was the second time he had every uttered those words in his life, and both times he had offered them to the same person.
Ryan smiled nervously and nodded. He hugged himself tighter before stepping away from the door finally. He was still upset, though he decided not to say anything. He turned to leave, intending to go back to his room until later that night when he had to do Brendon’s makeup. Brendon looked at Ryan and realized he had to make it up to him somehow. He thought fast before suddenly blurting out, “We can go to dinner together!”
Ryan spun around and looked at Brendon in confusion, “What?”
Brendon grinned, his dimples deepening as he felt truly pleased with himself for his rather brilliant idea, “Tomorrow, you and I will go have dinner. It’ll be like…” he paused for a moment, thinking about it, “It’ll be like a date! You know, to make up for everything. What do you say?”
Ryan blinked, incredibly taken back by the question. He looked around in disbelief, thinking about what Brendon had said. “A… a date?” he said, more of a statement than a real question.
“Mhm. Just as -“
Brendon got cut off though, as Ryan had suddenly collapsed to the floor. He stared momentarily, quite confused at the sight before him. Then he found it very obvious that he’d overloaded the poor boy, causing him to faint. He couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, reaching down and tugging on Ryan’s arm.
Dragging him towards his bed, he pulled him up onto the futon mattress and on top of the covers. He sat beside him, fixing Ryan so that he was lying on his back. Smiling down at him, he mentally noticed how peaceful Ryan looked when he was unconscious. Then he ran his fingers over his face, heating them as he hoped to wake up him up.
It wasn’t working at first. Brendon shifted himself, practically sitting in Ryan’s lap as he started to run his fingers over his neck, knowing last time he had a trigger spot to be woken up with. Finally several minutes later, as Brendon’s fingers were trailing non-sexually down Ryan’s chest he jolted away, eyes wide to see what was happening.
“Took you long enough,” Brendon said with a smile.
Ryan blinked up Brendon, confusion clouding his eyes. He tried to sit up, only to realize Brendon was basically sitting on him, preventing him from moving. He blinked repeatedly before realizing what had happened. He blushed deeply before managing to wriggle himself free from Brendon’s weight and sitting up.
Brendon arched an eyebrow and poked Ryan lightly on the arm, “Well? A date tomorrow night?” he asked, staring intently at Ryan.
Ryan nodded slowly before offering a small smile to Brendon. Brendon simply poked him again, waiting for a verbal response. Ryan wrinkled his nose and batted away his hands before speaking, “Yes Brendon, now stop poking me!”