05: And We All Fall Down

[fabla]

05: And We All Fall Down

Brendon paraded around his bedroom, singing to the radio as he pulled on a loose button up white shirt. It would have reminded him much of the last time he was getting ready to go out with Victor, had he not had Ryan in mind. He’d finished a performance, gotten his make up off and now he was taking his oldest friend out to dinner.

Meanwhile one tent over, Ryan was freaking out over what to even wear. His hair was a mangled mess, one of which Brendon had always appreciated. He had been wearing the tight jeans he knew he liked, until remembering that this was only a friendly date. It wasn’t real, and he shouldn’t be getting his hopes up. Though he couldn’t help but smile at the thought of it.

Ryan pulled off the jeans and tossed them into the corner before frantically pawing through his drawer, sending other pairs of pants flying around his room as he desperately tried to find something to wear. He finally reached a pair of black pants with bleach stains on it. He frowned trying to remember where they were from, before he remembered working on them. He admired them, noting he had managed to create the illusion of water reflecting off his pants. He slid them on quickly before turning to his shirts.

“FUCK!”

Brendon jumped at the sound of Ryan's scream, opening his door as he finished applying eyeliner to his face. He smirked, crossing over to the other door and listening momentarily, hearing Ryan stumble around to pick up his clothes. He chuckled under his breath, shaking his head he reached for the door knob.

Opening the door, Ryan jumped almost three feet off of the floor it seemed. Brendon giggled, slipping on his jacket as he walked over to the topless Ryan, not noticing how nervous he seemed. "Need help?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Ryan nodded, blushing slightly, hoping Brendon wouldn’t notice how he was trembling. He crossed his arms over his chest as the other man leaned forward and pulled out a silk blue top. It was his only blue top, which amused him deeply, since he was often asked to wear blue. Brendon handed it over to him and he slipped it on. Brendon nodded with approval before leaving the room.

Ryan slid his feet into his boots before sitting in front of his mirror. He picked up his eyeliner and quickly applied it to his eyes, wanting to be finished quickly. He drew tiny starts under his eyes, grinning slightly at the effect it made.

“Can you do my makeup too?” Brendon asked suddenly from the doorway, startled Ryan severely.

Nodding his head fervently, Ryan got out of the chair and waved his hand at it. Brendon sat in it, getting the reminiscent feeling that he was about to do a show. It didn't take very long, as they were only going out for dinner. Ryan evened out his eyeliner, smudging it a bit before adding a bit of yellow underneath and near the edges for a circus-y glow.

Brendon glanced at himself in the mirror, and nodded with a smile. "It'll match the jacket I'm going to wear." he said, beaming before looking up at Ryan who stood over him. He reached up, placing a friendly kiss on his cheek before getting up to grab his jacket. Ryan stood there still, mind racing as his face turned a bright red.

Brendon returned moments later in his yellow jacket, watching as Ryan slid on his simply black jacket. He arched an eyebrow, wondering why he wasn’t going to wear the blue one, until he turned around. He blinked in surprise when he realized exactly how good the jacket looked on him.

Brendon grinned, “Let’s get this show on the road!”

*****

The restaurant wasn’t nearly as fancy as the one Victor had taken him to, but Ryan thought it was just as entertaining. Brendon was more interested in visiting those cute old fashioned diners, away from the neon lights and back to plain ones. They were sitting in a two person booth at the back of the room, away from the rest of the people while they looked over their menus.

Brendon bit his tongue, trying desperately not to comment on Ryan’s date with Victor. Brendon bit his tongue, trying desperately not to comment on Ryan’s date with Victor. He wanted to make a snappy comment on how much of a better date he was, but he learned to shut his mouth at this point. Brendon ran his fingers through his hair, reading over the different foods while Ryan did the same.

Ryan looked up several minutes later and blushed lightly, knowing he would more then likely get teased for what he wanted. A waiter approached them, smiling at the two of them, though he noticed the way his eyes kept travelling to Brendon.

“What’ll it be, gentlemen?” he asked, his voice unusually high.

“Burger and a shake, please,” Ryan ordered before looking to Brendon, waiting for him to order.

Brendon glanced up at the waiter, observing his beauty and smiling specially for him. The waiter smiled back for a moment before scribbling down Ryan’s order, still watching Brendon. “And what’ll you have?” he asked.

“Mmm… I don’t know,” Brendon said, grinning. He leaned back against the booth cushion and crossed his arms over his chest. He glanced at Ryan, making it very obvious what he was thinking before he looked at the waiter. Ryan shook slightly as he watched Brendon’s eyes lingering over the attractive waiter and leaned back in his chairs. Things never seemed to change.

“Everything just looks so delicious!” he continued slowly, smirking before glancing at Ryan. What he had ordered really did sound appealing, so he picked up his menu and handed it to the water. “I’ll have what he’s having.” He said, his hand ‘accidentally’ brushing up against the waiters before he leaned back again, looking rather satisfied with himself.

Ryan sighed mentally and began to carefully push his thoughts of a good evening away, knowing that if he kept his hopes up he would simply be completely disappointed before the night ended. The waiter offered Brendon a saucy smile before smirking at Ryan. He vowed the food would be out soon and left, obviously intending to make sure he was able to visit the table again.

Ryan looked at Brendon and offered a small shaky smile. Brendon didn’t notice this as his eyes were firmly attached to the rear end of the retreating waiter. He turned to Ryan several seconds later, and blinked in surprise to see Ryan swirling water in the air, looking completely bored.

Brendon tilted his head, watching Ryan’s actions for a moment before reaching forwards and moving his hand through the water. The water all evaporated and absorbed into the fire of his hand before anyone could notice. “Keep doing that and we’ll get swarmed for autographs.” He said half heartedly.

Leaning back, he still watched Ryan; every now and again he would look back near the back room, wondering if the waiter would come back soon. Brendon licked his lips in thought, while Ryan sighed and started to chew on his bottom lip. “I hope it doesn’t take too long,” said Brendon suddenly. “I’m totally hungry.”

Ryan could not stop the snort that escaped at that, though he avoided looking at Brendon. Brendon arched an eyebrow, but before he could comment, the waiter returned with a tray full of their items. Brendon winked at the man, making him blush slightly, before the feed was placed before them. Brendon didn’t even notice that his shake had three cherries, where as Ryan’s didn’t have any.

“Just give a shout if you need anything,” the waiter said as he started to leave, tossing a look Ryan couldn’t understand over his shoulder to Brendon.

Ryan looked down at his plate and poked at the burger before picking it up and biting into it. He took a few bites before dropping it back onto his plate and pushing it away, no longer the least bit hungry. He looked at his shake and swirled the straw through the smooth beverage before looking at Brendon.

Watching the waiter walk away, Brendon reached for one of his French fries and bit hungrily into it. His mind was still on the waiter’s location, but he looked back at Ryan for a minute. He didn’t want to be too rude before he wandered off for a moment. Brendon smiled at him, biting into another fry as he noticed Ryan had stopped eating.

“Not hungry?” he asked, with a bit of concern in his voice.

Ryan opened his mouth when suddenly Brendon looked away, attention caught again by the waiter near the back entrance. Ryan sighed, putting his head back down as he sipped nervously on his straw. He chewed it, not wanting to watch what was about to happen to what could have been a good night.

Brendon made eye contact with the waiter who nodded his head towards the Men’s bathroom door. A smirk crawled across his face as he watched the other man cross through the door, saying he was going to go wash up. He let out a quick laugh before glanced at Ryan, lust playing in his eyes.

“I’ll be right back, kay?” he said.

Not even bothering to notice the way Ryan had sighed hopelessly, or how his heart had sunk, Brendon got up from the table. He looked around him almost suspiciously before quickly heading to the bathroom, turning the knob of the one-person room and entering. The room smelled stale, like a faint lemon cleaner mixed with plastic; the walls were made of black and white tiles, half of them falling off. But none of this really even phased Brendon as his eyes instantly locked with the waiter.

“Took you long enough,” the waiter said seductively before Brendon walked towards him, taking two steps before he grabbed onto his collar. He pulled the man towards him, locking their lips together passionately as he pushed him up against the counter.

The man fumbled as he returned the kiss, reaching to lock the door with his free hand while the other one snaked up through Brendon’s hair feverishly. Brendon’s hands warmed, letting go of his collar and quickly running his hands down his chest, reaching the edge of his pants in no time. He felt around for the button in a practised manner, undoing it before pulling the zipper down.

With one swift motion, Brendon grabbed the man by his sides and spun him around so that Brendon’s front faced his backside. He pushed him hard against the counter, forcing him down as he tugged his pants and underwear down at once. Working quickly as possible he unbuttoned his own pants and let his own erection push through the space. He pressed up against him, kissing the man’s earlobe before he was cut off.

“Do you have protection?” he asked him hurriedly.

Brendon let out an annoyed sigh and backed up slightly. He reached back into his pocket, pulling out a wallet which held a couple condoms hidden inside. He hated using them, feeling that it had completely ruined the experience. Victor usually let him get away with not using one, though with the growing news of disease he couldn’t blame the guy. He didn’t even know his name.

He bit the wrapped open, pulling out the slightly lubricated glove and slipping it over himself. Brendon muttered, tossing the plastic into the garbage before he put his hands against the man’s back, pushing him against the counter. Then with simple ease, he slid himself inside of the waiter and began thrusting.

Listening to the hard and short gasps that came from the waiter he smirked, gripping onto his shirt. Brendon’s hands fumbled, moving them down around the man’s waist as he moved harder, grinding himself in time to a beat in his mind. The man trembled, letting out tiny moans every so often when Brendon would.

Sweat formed from his forehead as he pressed their bodies together, the warmth pulling closer to him as he moved. Brendon smirked slightly as the man panted, begging for him to move faster. He pressed closer, rotating his hips. His eyes almost rolled all the way into his head as the waiter’s muscles tightened suddenly, gripping him tightly. He slipped a hand around to the waiter’s front and gripped his member, pumping in time to his own thrusts.

Several minutes later, they both reached their climax. It took everything in Brendon not to cry out passionately as he finally had his own release. He rested his head against the waiter’s back, trying to regain he equilibrium before he pulled away. He slid the condom off and flushed it. He got dressed and left the bathroom, never looking back as the waiter worked to clean the bathroom.

Brendon headed back to the table and frowned. He looked around before asking no one in particular, “Where’s Ryan?”

**SEVERAL MINUTES EARLIER**

Ryan never got a chance to answer, though he had doubted Brendon would’ve actually paid any attention to what he had to say. He followed Brendon with his eyes, noting he was following their waiter into the washroom. He sighed and looked down at his food. He picked up his burger and ate the rest of it slowly. Another waiter approached the table, asking if everything was fine, and he simply nodded before he was once again left alone.

He sighed softly and stirred his drink absently. He ignored the fact he had a platter of fries and drank his shake slowly, trying to ignore the fact that Brendon had basically left him alone in the middle of the restaurant. It amused him slightly to realize that it had been Brendon’s suggestion, his idea to try and cheer him up.

Ryan shook his head suddenly and stood up. A waiter hurried over to him and offered to bag his fries. He accepted this and asked for a bill for his half of the meal. He had no idea if Brendon had planned on paying for everything, but at that moment in time, he could’ve cared less. He made his way to the counter, where he paid for his things and received a bag with his fries it in. He thanked the man silently before leaving.

Ryan looked around; taking in the street he was on. It was a several hour walk back to the tents, and he knew he would have to make it through some of the more dangerous streets of the city. He stood there for a moment, wondering if he should wait for Brendon to drive him back before shaking his head.

He started walking, pausing at one moment to toss the fries from his meal into the trash bin before continuing on his way. He stuffed his hands into his jeans as he walked, his head bowed.

Why did he always seem to get his hopes up with Brendon was around? He’d always leave him with promises, breaking them as soon as he seemed to play them out. Brendon had always come as a disappointment, and Ryan had no idea why he had fallen for it over and over again. His affection for him was still achingly strong, and it made him even more furious.

Ryan pulled his arms around him, trying to warm his body while the wind blew around him. But as soon as he had thought those words, only Brendon’s face came to mind. Day after day he would think of him, and he couldn’t help it; the man was a vindictive, self-centered, attention whored asshole, so why the hell did Ryan keep coming back to him?

He was in love with him; there was no doubt about that. He had been for so long now that it didn’t even hurt him as much anymore. Ryan knew perfectly well that Brendon only pitied him, or at least that’s what he had thought. As he continued thinking he found himself cutting through a dark alley, and hardly even felt afraid this time.

His footsteps echoed, bouncing quietly off of the brick walls. Lamplights loomed over head, and he was quite certain he had even saw a rat run by. But all Ryan did was tuck his hands into his pocket and keep his head down, shuffling his feet against the cold pavement. Even this somehow made him think of Brendon.

Brown eyes and dark hair continued to flash through his mind. The perfect imperfections that made up Brendon’s appearance; the way he seemed to make a mess of everything, including his food; the way he went to sleep with his eyeliner on; the way he didn’t really care about what anyone thought, while it meant the world to him. Ryan adored it all.

Ryan came a stop at some street lights and looked around, making sure he was still on track and heading towards his destination. He stared silently at the lights, noting they were flickering, eerily looking like fire. He sighed and ran his long fingers through his hair, completely disturbed about the fact he could not manage to keep his mind off Brendon for longer then a few seconds.

He looked up as the cross walk changed and started across the street, ignoring the prostitute that followed him. She tried to catch his attention but he simply shrugged her off and continued on his way. He stared at the ground, idly noting he would need new shoes soon. Ryan stared at the fade autograph Brendon had signed on his shoes, something of a joke at the time. Brendon had even made him sign a pair of his sneakers before dragging him around town.

Suddenly, a familiar engine roaring filled his ears and his head snapped up. He looked over his shoulder, biting his lip, as he spotted Brendon’s car. He looked around quickly before taking two long steps into the nearest shadow cloaked doorway, begging mentally that Brendon hadn’t seen him.

The car came to an abrupt stop, the bright yellow Mercedes slamming against the curb while the engine still roared. Brendon had definitely seen that familiar face lingering in the shadows, even if he’d tried to avoid it. He let out an aggravated sigh before rolling his windows down, poking his head out.

“Ryan! Get in the car!” he shouted.

Ryan glanced over at him before starting to walk in the direction, wanting nothing more than to get away from Brendon then and there. Brendon rolled his eyes at him, pressing down on the petal slowly and keeping a pace with Ryan, trailing along side him as he still pleaded out his window. “Oh come on!” he said. “Won’t you just get in?”

Ryan ignored Brendon, picking up his pace as he continued trying to out-walk the car. He knew it was rather fruitless, but he was more then willing to try. Ryan noted an alleyway ahead and sped up again, turning sharply into the dimly lit area. He heard the engine behind him come to a stop before a door slammed shut.

Ryan came to an abrupt stop at a dead end and let out a frustrated burst of air before violently kicking the wall. Brendon caught up to him then, but as he reached out to touch Ryan, the younger man moved to the right, obviously avoiding him. Brendon simply moved with him, keeping in step until Ryan was cornered. Still, Ryan avoided looking into Brendon’s eyes, staring firmly at the ground.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked, not in an insulting way but in a truly questioning way. Brendon hardly understood what was wrong with what he had done. The only thing being that he had taken a bit longer than he thought he would have, but nothing more. He ran his finger under Ryan’s chin like before, making him look up at him but in a more friendly way.

“Come on Ryan,” he said just as Ryan jerked his head away, forcing his gaze to the left and staring at nothing. Brendon clearly didn’t understand the hint Ryan was giving him when he was saying nothing. He let out an aggravated sigh, and Brendon rolled his eyes.

Brendon gripped Ryan’s chin lightly and turned his face so they were looking at each other. He was confused by the anger and hurt that seemed to be swirling in Ryan’s eyes. He opened his mouth to ask, but never got the chance as Ryan bit him.

“OW!”

Ryan tried stepped around Brendon, but he was not going to allow him to. Brendon pushed Ryan against the wall and glared at him, shaking his other hand, hoping it wasn’t bleeding. He glared slightly at Ryan before speaking, “What is wrong with you?”

Ryan simply snorted and tried to move away from Brendon, not wanting to explain anything to the other man. He simply wanted to go home and go to bed, pretending this day never happened. Brendon had a firm grip on his shirt though and was refusing to let go. Ryan glared and spoke for the first time since he had left the restaurant, “Let go.”

“No.” Brendon said firmly, staring him down calmly. His eyes danced with flames, heavily aggravated as he didn’t understand at all. Half the time Brendon had no idea what was going through Ryan’s mind in the first place, which made him always such a mystery. Sometimes he respected him for it, and sometimes he really hated the kid for it.

“Just… talk to me,” Brendon said, saying it almost as a question and almost as a statement. Ryan tried to move again, but this only made him press harder against him. Had it been any other situation but a fight, Ryan probably would have enjoyed being this close to him. The scent, the vision in general, and the intoxication he usually got just thinking of it. Now it pretty well repulsed him.

Brendon held him firmly in place and stared into the dark eyes above him. Ryan finally relented and stopped trying to get away, realizing he was not going to be able to escape. A small voice in the back of his reminded him he was still underage and it was late at night. He looked at Brendon and sighed, “I don’t want to… let’s just go home…”

Brendon stared in disbelief at this before speaking, “No… we’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong. So talk.”

“Go talk to your waiter.” Ryan murmured, his eyes darting away for a moment. Words always managed to slip out without him meaning to whenever he was around Brendon. He hardly ever even said a word to anyone else, let alone a snappy comment or insult. He swallowed hard, looking back at Brendon simply terrified of his response.

Brendon ever felt a strange pit in his stomach and let go of Ryan immediately. He didn’t even say anything, but wrap his arm around his shoulder and walked him back to the car. He even drove him back to the tent and went to his room without saying a word, and he wasn’t sure why.