12a: Moving On
Moving On
Three years and he had managed to completely turn things around for himself, or at least that’s how he looked at it. Ryan smiled as he sat up slowly in his bed, stretching his arms out above his head. The room was bright with leaked sun, spilling out all over the room and warming his tired face. He relaxed for a moment before rolling out of his blue satin sheets, grabbing fresh clothing as he wondered if Jon was free for him that night. With a tiny sigh he entered the shower, motioning his hand absently and creating a steady stream of familiar hot water that warmed him to the bone. While he washed, his eyes locked shut, never lingering for even a moment.
Several minutes later he left the bathroom, properly dressed and ready for the day. He pursed his lips thinking of what the day had in store, work wise. Since the woman named Bellona had brought him to the island he was no longer completely in the shadows, or even forgotten for that matter. A smile crossed his lips, thinking of the friends he had managed to make on the island. He was extremely well known for his elemental abilities, since he had a frightening amount of control over everything he did. He had even been surprised to discover it usually took others until their thirties to create snow from water. The things he normally took for granted was sometimes astounding.
Humming under his breath Ryan prepared a quick breakfast, sat at the table and plotted the remains of his day. First would come the caves, located on the western side that were made basically of ice and rock. After that he had to drive to the courtyards where there were elemental people crafted lakes and several orchards with various fruits; it was his job (along with many others) to make sure the plant life did not dry out in the winter season. Generally this all took him two hours, mostly just for the driving he had to do.
On the east side of the main island was a forest. Thankfully he could avoid this today, since he was prone to losing his place within the wild amount of plants. He knew he had to work in the vampire lands later in the day though, making him groan under his breath. While the island - named Avvelenare - rested right above the equator, the vampires would generally prefer the cold climate. So, the elementals had been commissioned to keep everything frozen; basically dry and dead.
Ryan put his breakfast plate away and slid his brown leather shoes onto his feet before heading out the front door of his small town house. Moving towards the car, he couldn’t help but glance back at the classic looking home. Three years and he still could not get over the fact that he, Ryan, had managed to obtain an entire house all to himself.
It was a rather simple and small home, painted a cherry green with white trimmings. It somehow resembled his soft personality, though Ryan wasn’t one to recognise it. The house was two floors, and inside it had a grand total of four bedrooms. He wasn’t sure why it was considered to be small; although, this was before he had seen some of the other houses.
Ryan smiled to himself, proud of where his life had gotten to and slid into his pale blue car, gunning the engine and heading to work at a steadier pace. As he was driving, thoughts and memories would usually cross Ryan’s mind…
In the past three years, Ryan had been taken to the large island by Bellona Nikomedes by some strange ability that only the leading females of the island possessed. Later he discovered that they had already set up a house for him and a basic job, just before he was given a long three day tour of the island by Bellona’s personal assistant, Jon.
The man quickly became a good friend, always checking up on him or there when he was needed. Jon had been the one to inform him that Bellona had threatened to eat the elemental’s working on the ice in the vampire’s part of the island if he didn’t start working there, in fact. Naturally Ryan accepted the job, making his paycheque double.
Ryan glanced up as he arrived near the caves, not being able to stop the next sigh because he knew his day dreaming had come to an abrupt stop. Climbing out of the car, he locked the doors and began his next day of work.
******
A hot, sweaty and weary Ryan started feeling as if he could spend a week in bed and never get the sleep he needed. Somehow over the day, one of the elementals had managed to freeze over at least half a dozen houses, leaving only Ryan to clean up the mess. Strangely, Jon showed up as soon as he had finished. He had tried to act irritated by it, but he secretly always loved the way Jon would simply show up and wrap his arms around his waist from behind.
“Hello handsome,” Jon murmured in Ryan’s ear, making him grin. Ryan was spun around and pulled into a soft kiss then, just before tugging away again, “Finished for the day?”
Lips curling into a smile, Ryan wrapped his arms up around Jon’s broad shoulders, fingers twirling his hair. “Mhm,” he said quietly. “I’m all yours.”
Ryan moved away, grabbing Jon’s hand and pulling him towards the car. He figured he’d just take the two of them back to his place, maybe to have dinner or something like that. He slid into the front seat, making sure to open the door for his boyfriend first. Then he put the keys in the ignition, slipping on his seatbelt and settling in.
“Radio?” Jon asked in one word, pointing at the radio. Ryan nodded his head and within seconds music filled the car, taking up practically every space with some boring classical music. Wrinkling his nose, he looked at Jon and snorted before letting him switch the channel to a more modern one. That was when it happened.
All he could see was Brendon there, in the midst of a crowd bouncing around while colourful lights flew around him. The flames in his eyes were practically sparkling with his smile, dancing to each beat like it was the last. They were in Krave on New Years Eve, dancing to Frozen Flame.
“Don’t you remember this song?”
“No, I don’t, though I feel like I should, why?”
“Seriously?! It’s the first song we ever performed to!”
Ryan smiled and started swaying with the music as they arrived in the very center of the dance floor. Brendon was still laughing, and wrapped his arms around Ryan’s torso to pull him closer.
“Dance with me?” he said with that same pout and batting eyelashes. Ryan couldn’t help but swallow nervously before deciding to screw everything and just let go for a minute. He nodded his head and let the bass flow through him, pulsing through all his nerves. Brendon smiled a wide toothy smile in response and pulled him closer.
“Ryan? Ryan?” He wasn’t sure how long he had been zoned out in a memory, but it had obviously been enough to make Jon raise an eyebrow. He was waving his hand in front of Ryan’s face, attempting to get his attention. “Are you alright?”
Ryan swallowed nervously, shaking a bit as he put his hands on the steering wheel. “Yeah, yeah, perfectly fine…” he mumbled as he pressed down on the gas and changed the radio station. They then tore out of the lot, tires practically burning rubber on the pavement (which made things worse).
They were practically silent the rest of the way, except for the music playing in the car. Thankfully Jon had found Ryan’s Moulin Rouge soundtrack and put it in at some point on the way home. Though sappy love songs really weren’t going to help; he had lasted so long without thinking about Brendon. Well, sort of.
“Three… two… one… Happy-” was as far as Ryan got before warm lips descended upon his own. And just for that moment, Ryan felt as though everything was completely perfect. Brendon pulled away and smiled at him, noting the slightly dazed look in his eyes.
“Happy New Years, Ryan,” Brendon said gleefully.
Pulling into the driveway, Ryan managed to still go silent. The music clicked off, the engine stopped roaring, but still his mind was buzzing. He shook his head and smiled at Jon, kissing his cheek lightly before sliding out of the car and heading into the house.
His fingers were tingling and his stomach was turning itself into knots. One stupid little song wasn’t going to ruin anything for Ryan, not now and not ever. Brendon was so in the past that he… he was ancient history! There was no chance of seeing him, talking to him, anything, so why would Ryan even bother to think about it? Right? Right.
A warm arm wrapped around his waist once more, surprising him. He glanced over his shoulder, and Ryan was certain that for a moment, he was looking at Brendon. Blinking quickly, Jon came back into view. Jon arched an eyebrow, obviously curious about the fact he kept spacing out. He blushed lightly and turned back to the door, unlocking it. Jon pressed a kiss to the back of Ryan’s neck, causing a giggle to escape Ryan’s lips, before he was gently led into the house.
Flicking on the light switch, the entire place was suddenly brightened. The hallway was wallpapered; white with little pink roses, something calm and old fashioned. That was something Ryan had always loved, because it was different from the orphanage and the circus too. The circus… no, no more thoughts, Ryan thought as he dropped his keys on the little wooden table before hanging his jacket on the coat hooks.
“What were you thinking of, love?” Jon asked, his voice smooth as he carefully kicked the door shut, never releasing Ryan from his grasp.
“Nothing really, just something in the past,” Ryan said, sounding slightly nervous, something that had not happened in years. Ryan turned to Jon, still held within his arms. Jon smirked slightly before pulling Ryan closer and pressing their lips together.
Ryan smiled softly, his eyes slipping closed. Jon was patient, though he could tell he wanted to do more. He pulled away several seconds later, out of breath. Jon laughed, constantly forgetting his boyfriend did need to breathe. Ryan smiled mysteriously and took Jon’s hand, leading him up the stairs.
The stairs creaked quietly under their feet, but Ryan didn’t really notice right now. He walked backwards up each stair, one at a time as he kept his gaze locked with Jon’s. Half way up the stair he kissed him again, bringing his fingers through his brown hair once more. It was soft between his fingers, especially in the back.
Tumbling through the next hallway, their lips were still locked together. It would distract Ryan, and maybe he’d get over his fear of intimacy. As long as he’d been dating Jon, he hadn’t told him about his history, but he had not let him touch anything other than what was above his belt. So, breaking free Ryan daringly grabbed the edge of Jon’s shirt and smirked, pulling him into the room. He tried to hide the way his hands were shaking, but it wouldn’t work for very long.
Jon pulled away first, which was a surprise; he slipped his hands down Ryan’s side and hooked his belt loops for a second, watching. Ryan did not react, though he was trembling rather violently. Jon smiled softly and leaned forward, pressing his lips softly to Ryan’s, “Calm yourself, darling, no more then you’ll accept, remember?”
Nodding, Ryan allowed Jon to lead him to the bed, falling back. He giggled slightly as Jon landed comfortably on top of him. Their lips met once more, but Ryan was incapable of closing his eyes. He had made the mistake of looking to his bedside table, seeing his framed photograph of Brendon there, staring back at the two of them, almost accusingly. It made him feel guilty, though he didn’t understand why.
It was an old picture. Brendon’s face surrounded by fire, eyes lit up as he stared directly back at Ryan. He was kissing Jon, but the lips he felt were only Brendon’s. He tried to close his eyes, to shut it all out, but Ryan couldn’t help but still stare. So, to distract his lover he pulled him to the bed as he shook, hands trembling as they made their way over Jon’s shirt. He had to do this, for his own good, right?
He did notice though, it was hard not to. Ryan was trembling almost violently, making Jon nervous and worried. He pulled away and looked at Ryan, before following his eyes. He frowned, having seen that photo once before. He looked down at Ryan and sighed, “Who is that?”
Ryan shook his head, voice shaking as he tugged on Jon’s shirt. He sat down on the bed and pulled his lover on top of him, body growing weaker by the second. “No one, no one,” he mumbled as he connected their lips again, trying to close his eyes. For a minute he did, but all he could see was Brendon. Brendon. Brendon. Brendon. Ryan opened his eyes, looking out from the corners to see that photograph, just staring.
Jon pulled away completely, moving and sitting beside Ryan. Ryan turned his eyes to Jon, only to find him smiling softly. He was helped up right before Jon reached out and picked up the photograph. It took everything within Ryan not to tear it from his finger tips; he bit his lip nervously, watching Jon.
“Seriously, who is he? You seem to think about someone a lot, and I am rather certain it is not me,” Jon stated calmly, putting the photo back before looking back at Ryan, staring into his eyes silently.
Voice now dead, throat closing over, breathing was now cut to a bare minimum; Ryan swallowed and wet his tongue, hoping it would help somehow. He shifted himself, leaning against the headboard and picking up the picture again. He wanted to smash it, destroy it, and do anything so that Brendon would stop staring at him with those beautiful and perfect eyes. They taunted Ryan with every photographed glance.
“His name’s Brendon…” Ryan said silently, his voice wavering for the first time in years. He hadn’t even said Brendon’s name in that amount of time. “We… we used to perform together…” Tracing a thumb over the glass, he couldn’t look away still. “I left my home because of… him…”
Staring, he could feel Jon trying to gaze straight into him. He looked up and found himself locked within rich brown eyes. Ryan swallowed nervously, feeling as though Jon was looking straight through him. For several minutes they remained locked in each other’s gazes, before Jon smiled slowly and rose to his feet. Jon leaned forward and pressed a small kiss to Ryan’s head.
“You love him,” was all he stated before standing straight. Ryan stared in wide eyed wonder at the other man, unable to believe that he had managed to figure that out so quickly. Jon shook his head, “I’m competing against a memory…”
“No! No, Jon, it’s not -“
“It’s clear that you’re never going to love me as much as you love this Brendon guy,” Jon said clearly with a comfortable smile on his face. Ryan didn’t understand how on earth he could take it so well, when it was such an obvious blow. But all of it was very true, and Ryan deep down had known that. He’d been with Jon so long now it had just distracted him. Maybe he really knew there was someone else all along.
Jon leaned forward one last time, pressing his lips to Ryan’s, tenderly saying good-bye. He pulled away, Ryan slowly opening his eyes; Jon gave one last smile before leaving the room all together. For several minutes, Ryan simply sat there, before turning his gaze back to the framed photograph. He frowned for a second before whispering, “Why are you still haunting my dreams, Brendon Urie?”